Brother's Keeper
by Sandylee007
Summary: When a monster from Reid's past resurfaces he distances himself from his team to protect them. Will he manage to defeat the shadows of past, or will they swallow him up in whole?          REID-CENTRIC TEAM-FIC
1. Prologue

A/N: Hiay guys, and happy Independence Day to all those coming from my country! (grins)

(chuckles) I know, I'm just finishing one project and planning on another, but this plotline lurked into my head and doesn't seem to have any intention whatsoever to leave. So… (grins sheepishly)

(MILD SPOILER ALERT) The secret of Reid's that'll apparently be revealed during season 6 is driving me up the wall. This is my second theory on what it could all be about. (grins) (MILD SPOILER ALERT ENDS)

WARNINGS: Language, adult themes, mentions of child-abuse, SEVERE general oddness... (grins) You know, that's quite a short list for one of my stories!

DISCLAIMER: (sighs) If I DID own anything of 'CM', Reid's secret would've been revealed ten episodes ago. (pouts)

Awkay… (takes a deep, extremely nervous breath) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

'_I know not; am I my brother's keeper?_'

(Cain in the Book of Genesis from the Bible, when God asks him where his brother Abel is.)

* * *

**_Brother's Keeper_**

* * *

CHAPTER 1 – Prologue

* * *

/ _Janine Henderson – a rather beautiful woman with chestnut-colored hair and dark eyes – had been a nurse in the emergency ward for fifteen years, and dared to think she was good at her job. Over the years she'd managed to develop a extremely careful eye that managed to catch almost every battered housewife, abused girlfriend and child who'd been beaten by their parent. Some days she hated her job._

_Just like she did one night of early December, when a five-years-old Spencer Reid was brought before her._

_Janine was unable to keep shock and disgust from showing on her face as she examined the damage. Several fresh bruises, broken arm, multiple cuts that were still oozing through the bandages…_

_'He was thrown through a glass-door', paramedics had told her._

_"Please don't stare." Spencer's voice, although quiet, didn't sound anything like a child's. It claimed all her attention instantly. The child's brown eyes – one of which was steadily swelling closed – held fear, sorrow and utter exhaustion. "It's impolite."_

_Janine attempted to smile, but failed miserably. "I'm sorry, Spencer. But I have to take a look at these injuries, to see how badly you're hurt." She held a moment's pause, because all of a sudden it was very hard for her to figure out what to think. "Those cuts and bruises must hurt a lot. Do you need…?"_

_Spencer shook his head quickly, his small hands twitching nervously. "I… I'm fine, I just… I want to go to mom and dad."_

_Janine's eyes swept towards where Spencer's parents – Diana and William Reid – were sitting with another child they'd briefly introduced as Spencer's brother Vincent. __For a moment her eyes remained on the child. He looked a lot like Spencer, apart from a much lighter hair color, and she estimated him to be around eight-years-old. But then her gaze locked to William, who sensed her look and their eyes met. __In an instant Janine's eyes narrowed when she took in the fright and guilt in the man's gaze. "If there's something wrong, at home… You can tell me, Spencer." It was a miracle her voice managed to sound as even as it did. Perhaps she was getting too used to cases like this. She fixed her eyes on Spencer, who'd began to shiver violently. _So close…_ "You wouldn't get into any trouble at all, sweetie. I promise. If you need help… You can tell me, okay?"_

_She waited, and waited. She frowned when noticing that Spencer's frantic, almost pleading gaze locked on Vincent, who looked back almost instantly. What she saw in Vincent's eyes when they met Spencer's would forever haunt Janine's nightmares. Spencer, on the other hand, swallowed thickly. The trembling from before deteriorated. "There's… There's nothing to tell." The boy looked at her with utter despair. "Please, I just… I just want to go home." That's what the child said, but his eyes were pleading for the opposite. Those huge eyes, at least, hadn't learned to lie just yet._

_Janine felt cold and sick to her stomach as she nodded, reluctant to accept her defeat. "Okay, then", she murmured, once more glancing towards the child's waiting family with raging eyes. "In that case, let's get those wounds of yours looked at."_

_Spencer nodded stiffly, licking his lips. The boy's hands didn't stop squirming for even a second. "'K."_ /

* * *

At first the distantly familiar voice came from a million miles away. "Reid!"

Dr. Spencer Reid frowned, still unsure if the voice was a part of his nightmare or real. He realized distantly that he was nearly hyperventilating, and there was a taste of vomit in his mouth. Was the entire world shaking violently, or was it just his body…?

And then the voice from before was closer – _too_ close. "Reid, wake up! Snap out of it!"

Spencer's eyes flew open and his lips opened, but the scream of terror that echoed in his head never made it past his lips. For a moment those sickening flashes from his nightmares were all he could see, but then his mind returned to the present and he was able to make out Derek Morgan's frowning, worried face. "M-Morgan…?"

Hearing him speak Derek loosened the death grip the man had on his shoulders, but only slightly. "Damn it, Reid!" the dark-skinned man breathed out, his voice shaking slightly. "You were screaming in your sleep. It took me five minutes to make you wake up. What the hell were you dreaming of?"

Spencer looked away, realizing with dismay that he was still shivering like a leaf while cold sweat lingered on his skin. He did _not _want Derek, or anyone else, to see him like this. "It… was just a dream", he murmured softly, and went on before the older man could protest. "Morgan, please, let go of me." Although the man's hold was rather light at the moment it felt crushing to him.

Derek obeyed, although with clearly visible reluctance. There was a long, heavy moment of silence before the man spoke. "We're in Vegas. Is that why you're having nightmares again?"

Spencer blinked, still struggling to maintain his grasp on the present. Yes, they were in Las Vegas, trying to catch a serial killer who'd slaughtered six people… And…

His thought became cut when his cell phone chose to start ringing. Before Derek could object he grabbed the item and frowned at the unfamiliar number. Who could be calling him in the middle of the night? "Reid", he managed.

"_Spencer, please don't hang up._" Cold shivers ran down his spine when he recognized his father's voice. Something forced him to obey; perhaps it was the despair and fear in William's voice.

He grit his teeth, feeling familiar rage bubbling in his veins. "What do you want?" he all but spat out, using a tone that tasted foreign in his mouth.

He could've sworn he heard William gulp. "_I… __I think we should meet. Because something… Something's happened._"

Spencer frowned. This time the chills he felt were those of dread. "What's going on?"

"_I don't want to tell you over the phone._" There was a moment's pause. "_I… I heard you're in Vegas. __Do you… Could you meet me in that café, Alabaster, in fifteen minutes?_"

Absolutely all of Spencer screamed at him that he should decline, that he was choosing a disastrous path. But his mouth worked against his will. "I'll be there", he announced curtly, then hung up.

He didn't know how long he'd been straying in his thoughts – his fists clenched and his teeth grit so tightly it hurt – until Derek's voice pulled him back to awareness. "Reid? What the heck was that about?"

He swallowed, then got up to his dangerously unsteady feet and began getting ready for leaving the hotel room. "There's… something I have to take care of", he explained, failing to keep his voice even. He didn't dare to meet Derek's eyes while pulling on his jacket a bit more tightly than would've been necessary.

He heard Derek get up as well. "There's no way I'm letting you go alone, especially when you're like that."

Spencer took a deep breath, gathering himself, before turning to look at his friend. "Morgan, I'll be fine. It's just… I have to take care of this one alone, 'k?" With that he opened the room's door and headed out. "I'll be back in an hour or two. Just go back to sleep." He gulped loudly while taking a step away. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Reid…!"

But the door was already closed between them.

* * *

It wasn't a surprise that Alabaster was almost empty at such a hour when Spencer walked in. He noticed William sitting in one of the most shadowy corners, hunched on his seat like there'd been a ton's weight on his shoulder. For a long moment Spencer contemplated leaving, but in the end his feet began dragging him towards the older man.

William jumped upon hearing his steps. A look of utter gratitude lit up the man's troubled, almost haunted eyes when they noticed him. The man was pale, and looked at least ten years older than the last time they met. "Thank god!" his father breathed out. "I wasn't sure…"

"Why did you call?" Spencer demanded while sitting heavily, deciding to cut the chase. It looked like he was getting a splitting headache, and although he didn't feel quite as much animosity towards the man anymore William's company certainly didn't help matters.

In a microsecond utter terror filled William's eyes. The man swallowed and licked his lips, as though all saliva had disappeared from his mouth. "Spencer, it's… It's about Vincent."

Spencer felt like his blood had been turned into ice. His body became so cold that he could barely breathe.

William swallowed again before continuing. Although the man whispered Spencer heard all too clearly. "This morning, he… He disappeared." The terror on the man's face became something even beyond that. "Spencer, Vincent's escaped."

* * *

TBC, OR NOT?

* * *

A/N: So… (gulps nervously) How was that – good, luke-warm, horrible? Do you guys think this deserves to continue?

**PLEASE**, let me hear your thoughts! This would be my first fic in which a case has a huge role, so it'd mean A LOT to me!

GAH, I've gotta get going. (pouts) Thank you so much for reading this!

Perhaps I'll c ya guys later, with this story or some other…?

Take care!


	2. Monsters of the Past and Present

A/N: First of all, wow! A response like this to the first chapter… I could've never, ever even wished for such. (GLOMPS) Tons and tons of thank yous for all those incredible reviews! You have no idea what miracles you did to my inspiration. (beams, and hugs once more)

Awkay, before I end up doing even more babbling… Let's rock. (swallows extremely nervously) I really, REALLY hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

* * *

CHAPTER 2 – Monsters of the Past and Present

* * *

/ _Five-year-old Spencer Reid had always been afraid of the small basement in the depths of his home. The members of his family knew this better than well. That rainy, stormy day of late autumn he stood on the first ladder of the steps that led to the source of his nightmares, his knees shaking so badly that it was a miracle he could still stand. Utter terror radiated from his wide eyes while he tried to control his shaky, badly uneven breathing._

_Spencer swallowed thickly. "V-Vincent?" he called out into the dark. "I… I don't think I want to play hide and seek anymore." There was no response, and the child's skaking became even worse. "T-This isn't funny. I… I'm gonna tell mom, Vincent! Y-You're scaring me."_

_There was still no response. Bracing himself the best he could Spencer took a deep, shuddering breath before walking down the stairs to the place he hated beyond everything. Darkness seemed to wrap around him, for his father had forgotten to change the small space's only light bulb. The horribly heavy, moisture-filled air made him cough. Wind howled in the corners like a beast that was about to become unleashed, and several whimpers of fright escaped from the child. "V-Vincent!" he pleaded, the first tears already forming in his eyes._

_The chuckle that carried to his ears made the hair in the back of his stand up. __"Damn, midget." __Turning rapidly Spencer found Vincent stood right above the stairs that led to the basement. There was a sinister look in the older boy's eyes as the child went on. "You're such a coward. I think you need to be taught a lesson." So saying the boy started to close the basement's door._

_Spencer's eyes widened as horror spread all the way through him, turning his body inhumanly cold. "V-Vincent, don't…!" But it was too late. As Spencer stumbled on his own feet after five steps the door became closed and locked. Darkness swallowed him up._

_Tears ran down Spencer's cheeks as he sat on the floor, too horrified to move an inch. "V-Vincent, let me out, please…!" he sobbed in tiny, heartbreaking voice. __"I… __I promise I'll play better! Please, let me out! Please!"_

_His prayers went unanswered for the following three hours, until his father came home and found him from the basement in a state of shock._ /

* * *

It was no secret to anyone that BAU was like a family; deffinitely eccentric and at times dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless. Sometimes that sense of unity was what kept them together. But at times it was also a problem. Because although they were trained profilers, like the members of any family they tended to become blinded from seeing each others' problems.

Derek Morgan would never, ever forgive himself for not seeing Spencer's struggles with Dialudid until the problem had grown to the proportions it did, before the young genius had suffered far too much alone. And since then he swore to himself that he'd never, ever make the same bitter mistake again. Perhaps that's why his eyes were the most open ones.

For the first couple week or so since Vegas he managed to shrug off Spencer's strange behavior as aftershock. After all the case – which included some of the most cruel butcherings they'd ever seen, with two victims having been skinned alive – had been a shaking experience to them all. But although he wasn't a genius Derek wasn't a fool, either. At first Spencer's visible discomfort was purely mental; startled looks, jumpiness, difficulties with concentration and other similar signs. But then the warning signs became physical. Spencer couldn't relax, although it was clear how hard the brunet tried. In the end the genius seemed to be in constant pain, rubbing his knee or the bridge of his nose whenever he thought no one noticed. And it was painfully obvious Spencer hadn't been sleeping well in a very long time.

No, Derek didn't think Spencer had fallen back on using. The brunet had fought so very hard to avoid that. But something was wrong. Sometimes Derek caught Aaron Hotchner's eyes after the man had been looking at Spencer, found that same worry they now shared lingering inside the unit chief. And he knew they were both waiting for a bomb to go off.

It finally happened two months after Vegas. Only this bomb didn't go off with a loud blast. This detonated as silently and subtly as death.

* * *

It was a day of paperwork, and Derek couldn't quite stiffle a yawn while trying to work on his report. He shot a glare towards the blank page before him.

The UnSub had raised his gun against the team. Derek had shot the monster to shoulder, effectively making the UnSub drop the weapon. He'd done his job and knew he'd made the right decision. It felt infuriating to try and explain it on a paper. Besides it was getting late, and aside Aaron he and Spencer were the only ones left in the office. Emily would also be leaving as soon as she was finished in the ladies' room. Derek didn't know how much longer he'd be able to resist the call of his bed.

Derek was almost falling asleep until he heard heavy, unfamiliar steps approaching. His head shot up and he blinked twice when seeing a security guard walking to where Spencer was sneaking back towards his desk with the day's tenth mug of coffee. Spencer froze with a frown when seeing the guard. "Is… something wrong?"

The guard was a tall, muscular man with sharp features, which made his stiff face appear all the more threatening. "There's a man without ID outside the building who refuses to leave without speaking to you", the man explained. "I told him I won't send a agent to meet strangers, but he said you'd make an exception with him. He said he's Vincent. Does that sound familiar?"

It was more than obvious it did sound familiar. Because if Spencer had been pale before the man's face gained a sickly shade as all color disappeared, and the brunet began to shake so badly that he almost dropped the mug. Derek hadn't seen such terror in the younger man's eyes since Tobias Hankel. "Y-Yeah, I know him", Spencer barely managed in shaky tone, swallowing loudly. "I… I'll go and see him."

The guard frowned, clearly not pleased by Spencer's decision. Derek's emotions were similar. "Are you sure?"

Spencer nodded barely visibly. Without anything further the guard disappeared, leaving behind a cold breeze of threat that seemed to embrace the entire office.

As Spencer put down the mug and clearly prepared to leave Derek couldn't keep his quiet any longer. "Reid, what the hell is going on? Who's Vincent?"

The look that flashed in Spencer's eyes reminded him of a threatened wild animal. The look was unnerving, alarming. "Morgan, just… Just trust me, and stay out of this. I… I'll be okay, but I need you to stay away. I need you to let me take care of this."

Derek frowned and found it dangerously hard not to scream at his friend. "If you're in some kind of a trouble I'm not letting you shoulder it on your own!" His breaths were sharp and loud. "Don't you get it already? We're a team, a family! Why don't you let me…?"

"Because you can't save and protect me from everything!" Spencer took a deep breath, then went on slightly more calmly. "I know you'd want to, but… This is something you and the rest of the team wouldn't be able to help with. So drop it." Using the few precious moments Derek was struck speechless Spencer pulled on his jacket, took his bag and headed towards the door. "See you tomorrow." And then, before Derek could even open his mouth, the young genius was gone.

For about a minute Derek couldn't do anything but stare at the door through which Spencer had walked, as though hoping to change the younger man's mind with sheer willpower. Then he turned his gaze, sensing someone's presence, and found Aaron stood nearby. The unit chief was always serious, but rarely as solemn as he was while also looking at the door.

Their gazes met, and in silence there was a agreement.

Something was very, very wrong with Spencer. And they'd have to figure out what it was before it was too late.

* * *

It was ages from the last time Spencer's knees had been as weak as they were when he emerged from the building, his eyes scanning through his surroundings like those of a prey-animal's.

A storm of emotions exploded inside him when he realized that Vincent was nowhere to be seen. Instead there was a note that had his name on it, taped to a nearby pillar. Spencer's hand shook as he braced himself, then took the note and folded it open slowly. The words he found, written in a all too familiar handwriting, made the winter air around him feel several degrees colder.

'_Did you really think you could disappear from me? That you'd be able to protect them?_

_Don't ever underestimate me again, because I'm already keeping an eye on you._'

Spencer closed his shaking fingers tightly around the note, focusing firmly on his breathing while warmth disappeared from him. The world around him seemed to be spinning madly.

Vincent… had found him. The darkest part of his past was catching up with him – and it was threatening his team, his new family.

They'd already been through too many nightmares. Spencer wouldn't let this one touch them. This was his nightmare, his problem to solve alone. He didn't know how to defeat this monster just yet, but he'd figure out a way.

He'd done it before.

He shivered a little with startle when hearing steps behind him. His whole body prepared for an attack he turned, and managed to relax slightly when finding Emily Prentiss. There was a frown of slight worry on her face. "Reid? Are you okay?"

He nodded, trying to create at least a trace of a smile. "Yeah, yeah, sure, just… I needed some fresh air."

Emily nodded, clearly wondering if she should believe him. "Well, if there's anything on that mind of yours I'll listen, 'k?"

Spencer nodded, not knowing what to say. People offering their help and support was still something fairly foreign to him. This time his smile was slightly more convincing. "Goodnight."

He wondered if Emily noticed how her hand brushed his shoulder while she passed by. The touch felt good, comforting. "'Night, Reid. See you tomorrow." With that she began to walk away slowly, as though waiting for him to change his mind and call out to her.

Watching her go Spencer realized that he knew exactly what he should do first. And he'd never felt as cold in his life.

He hoped Emily and the others would forgive him.

* * *

As Spencer stood there for a minute or so, trying to catch his breath, and went he couldn't have seen the person observing him.

A devilish grin revealed a row of flawlessly white teeth, and predator's eyes flashed.

So Spencer was trying to stop this already? Well, he should've known to expect as much. Spencer had always been quick to protect those he held dear, especially since _that_ day in the forest…

For a moment Vincent amused himself with wondering if Spencer still had nightmares of Madison.

As Spencer disappeared into the building Vicent decided that he'd had enough fun for the day. After all, hadn't his mother always told him not to gobble all treats at once?

He got up and before leaving left some money to the table.

He was sure to leave a generous tip. He was in a good mood today.

* * *

The day had been long and extremely infuriating, and at six in the evening Erin Strauss was eagerly planning on heading home to the bottle of Bourbon she'd desired all day when there was a knock on the door of her office.

Swallowing down the burning desire to snarl out death threats Erin spoke in a extremely tight voice that sounded like a hiss. "Come in." Her other eyebrow bounced high up when she recognized the arrival. "Dr. Reid? Now what gives me this pleasure?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm that, to her dismay, seemed to go unnoticed.

Spencer's darkened, exhausted eyes seemed to gain a hint of steel as he visibly gathered himself. It was blatantly obvious that he didn't like what he'd have to say. "I… need you to do me a favor."

* * *

TBC, or not?

* * *

A/N: Oh boy… Trust Reid to push away help when he'd need it the most. (winces) Vincent is already pretty damn close…

So… (gulps) How was that – good, bad, absolutely horrible? **PLEASE**, leave a note to let me know your thoughts! This story is only just becoming alive, so it'd seriously mean the world to me. And do I need to remind you that Christmas is fast on its way…?

IN THE NEXT ONE (if you want such, that is…): Spencer's decision shocks the entire team, and as they demand answers they deffinitely don't hear what they'd like to. Meanwhile Vincent is closer than ever before, and the nightmares of Spencer's past come to life once more… Who is, or was, Madison?

Until next time, folks – whether it's with this story or some other!

Peace out!


	3. Hello, Goodbye

A/N: Hiya there, folks!

But first… All those reviews! GOSH, are there really so many of you waiting for this chapter? (beams and blushes, then GLOMPS) THANK YOU so much for all those incredible, amazing reviews! You guys ROCK! (hugs again)

And, before I forget! **About responses to anonymous reviews.** This story's also received anonymous reviews. I usually respond to all my reviews. If you want a response to your anonymous review, please do let me know – I'd be more than happy to write a few lines! (grins) Those responses can be found underneath the next chapter and ending AN. There's one under this one, too.

Awkay, because I don't think stalling is a nice habit, let's go. (gulps) I really hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

TO THOSE WONDERING… This story takes place during the current season, so JJ's already taken her unwilling departure. (sighs sadly)

* * *

CHAPTER 3 – Hello, Goodbye

* * *

/ _One of the few happy things about Spencer's childhood was the huge, most likely ancient prosopis tree that grew near his home. Although he was always accused on being clumsy he managed to climb high up to the tree's secure branches, where no one was able to touch him._

_There, high up, there were no school bullies. And there was deffinitely no Vincent, because it was the pretty much only place in the world from which the boy couldn't find him._

_The tree was Spencer's hideout, his safe haven when the rest of the world seemed to be falling down on him. It felt good to have at least one place to which he could run away from Vincent's brutality. Spencer got to be in his precious tree all alone until one day not long after his sixth birthday._

_That morning he was shaking while sitting on one of the tree's biggest branches, fighting furiously against tears and pressing a hand to his left eye that was steadily swelling shut. Razor sharp flashes of the most recent attack flashed through his head. As usual it was the words, not the wooden toy that hit him, which hurt the most._

_'_It's because you're a freak no one else wants to play with you._'_

_'_You're worthless, midget._'_

_'_I bet it's because of you mom's sick. She's sick of you._'_

_'_Don't try to scream. Mom took the pills – she won't hear you. She wouldn't even care enough to help you._'_

_Spencer was so wrapped up in those vivid memories that he didn't see, hear or even sense the person approaching him until a voice called out to him. "Hi. What are you doing up there?"_

_For just a moment Spencer's body turned unbelievably cold until he realized that the unfamiliar voice belonged to girl, not Vincent. Blinking twice he looked downwards and felt something shift in his stomach._

_Standing there was a girl of about his age with long, extremely wild red hair and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen. She had a frown on her face as she looked at him. "What happened to your face?" she inquired instantly._

_Spencer swallowed thickly. This was a strictly forbidden topic – if he'd talk, Vincent would… "I… I fell", he nearly whispered, so quietly that it was a surprise the girl heard._

_She nodded, believing him with child-like trust. "Does it hurt?"_

_He shook his head, trying not to wince at the pain the motion caused._

_"That's good", the girl stated, then gave one of those smiles he'd never, ever forget. "I'm Madison, but it's okay if you call me Maddy."_

_To his surprise Spencer managed to smile back. "I'm Spencer."_

_"Can I climb up, too?" Madison asked after a second's pause. "You don't have to talk to me, if you don't want to. But I'd want to see what it looks like up there."_

_Spencer wasn't sure if he wanted any company, really. But somehow he couldn't deny the redhead. "Sure", he managed, feeling infuriatingly shy. He was almost sure the heat on his cheeks was caused by a blush._

_Madison grinned, then climbed to the tree as fast as some sort of a monkey. Without showing even a hint of fear she made her way to him and sat only a slight distance away. Her huge eyes became even wider as she took in the sight before her. "Wow!"_

_Spencer looked the same way, and despite all the times he'd seen the view he couldn't help agreeing with her reaction._

_The sun was still rising, painting the city of Las Vegas with so many colors that it was hard to even register them all. It'd been raining the night before and absolutely everywhere raindrops shone, making it look like there'd been a field of diamonds below them._

_"This is the prettiest thing I've ever seen!" Madison gasped._

_Spencer glanced towards her, then looked away firmly, feeling a heavy blush sneaking all the way to his face and neck._

_He was thinking about the exact same thing. But his thoughts weren't on the landscape._

_Silence that can only be called companionable lingered around them as they sat there, enjoying the morning. And for a little while Spencer felt like everything was right in the world._

_

* * *

_

_As soon as he came back home and heard the all too heavy silence Spencer knew something was badly wrong. "Mommy?" he called out in a tiny, extremely scared child's voice. There was no response. "Dad?"_

_Just then he heard noises coming from the bathroom. Although a part of him begged him not to do so he found himself approaching the room with dangerously weak feet, his heart beating so fast that it hurt. The silence around him was absolute, suffocating, and the small journey seemed to take ages. The hallway leading to the bathroom was completely dark, and it took all his courage not to stop before he reached his destination. What he found made him freeze completely, and if he'd been able to he would've screamed at the top of his lungs._

_The bathtub was full of water. And in the water, as well as on the white floor tiles, he could see several droplets of blood._

_Vincent's voice, which seemed to be all too close, made his heart jump madly. "Mom was screaming." The voice held no emotion, not a trace that the other boy would've been affected. "I think she hurt herself. Dad took her to a hospital."_

_During his short life Spencer had never felt the kind of terror that swept through him just then. His eyes widened to a impossible size while his small body turned utterly cold. It became hard to breathe._

_He didn't realize he was crying until Vincent hissed. "Stop weeping – you're not a baby!"_

_Spencer tried to obey, tried so very hard, but he couldn't. Instead the sobs seemed to become louder, the tears fell harder. __"I… __I'm sorry, Vincent!" he half-whimpered._

_Vincent, apparently, didn't accept his apology. Spencer cried out of pain and startle when the older and stronger boy grabbed his hair, so hard that he was sure his hair would be ripped off. His heart began to race once more out of terror when the other boy dragged him towards the bathtub with such force that his feet barely touched the ground. "V-Vincent, stop…!" he pleaded. "Please stop…! Don't…!"_

_Vincent didn't even seem to hear. There was a chilling look in the boy's eyes that'd never leave his nightmares when the force pulling him along grew still. "I'll teach you a lesson on being strong, midget."_

_Spencer's mouth opened, but before he could utter a sound he realized that his head was already in the water. Terror took a hold of him and he tried to fight with absolutely everything there was in him, but Vincent was much stronger. The firm, stony hand holding him by the neck didn't disappear, didn't give him the slightest chance to get out of the water and catch some air. In the end black dots began to dance in his vision._

_And at the moment the six-year-old little boy was sure he was going to die. So sure that the horrible realization almost made his heart stop._

_But then, just before his consciousness faded, Vincent pulled him out of the water and nearly threw him to the floor, making him hit his head dangerously hard in the process. There was barely any emotion in Vincent's eyes while the boy straightened his form and turned around, walking towards the room's door without looking back. "I hope you learned your lesson. Because I don't want to teach you again." With that the boy disappeared, leaving him all alone._

_When William Reid finally came home from the hospital, utterly exhausted and his whole body heavy with worry, he was instantly alarmed by how dark and quiet the house was. Upon searching he discovered that Vincent was nowhere to be seen. Spencer, on the other hand, was crying and sobbing hysterically while sitting in the furthest corner of the bathroom, with his legs brought tightly to his chest. It was impossible to tell if the boy's hair was wet with sweat or water. The look on the child's face broke his heart. "Spencer?"_

_It wasn't until he spoke the boy finally noticed him. Tears kept rolling down Spencer's pale cheeks while the child whispered so quietly it was difficult to hear. __"I… __I'm so sorry." Sobs broke the child's already frail voice. "I… I wet my pants, daddy."_ /

* * *

Bad news have the habit of sneaking up on people. That Thursday-morning in BAU headquarters made no exception.

At first the team noticed that one of them was missing. And then cold shivers ran down their spines when they noticed that something else had also changed.

Spencer's desk… It was empty. And Erin Strauss was sitting behind it, flipping through a file.

"What the hell is this?" Derek snarled while taking a step forward, his narrowed eyes ignoring the warning look also frowning Aaron sent his way. "Where's Reid?"

The look on Erin's face was impossible to read while her eyes met Derek's. One of her eyebrows arched slightly. "So he didn't tell you?" There was a small, dangerous pause. "Dr. Reid won't be working here anymore. And before you accuse me, let me assure you he left willingly. He asked for these arrangements three days ago."

"He never told me he wanted to leave", Aaron pointed out sharply, mistrust and perhaps even worry loudly present in his tone. The man's fists were balled tightly, as though he'd been preparing himself for a particularly hostile interrogation.

Erin's eyes were filled with mock and smugness. "Well, maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought." She then got up, preparing to leave. "It looks like Dr. Reid took care of all his paperwork before leaving, so I'm done here." Without any words or actions of consolation she began to walk away.

"Strauss, I'm asking again. Where the hell is Reid?" Derek snarled before the woman got the chance to disappear from his sight. He looked fully ready to attack her. "We're his team, his _family_. We have the right to know."

Erin gave the dark-skinned man a long, evaluative look before speaking. "He should still be in Quantico for some hours. After that it's privileged information." She then gave them a look of deep irritation. "Now if you will excuse me, I have a lot of work to do." She left before any of them got the chance to do more than blink.

David Rossi stared at the direction towards which Erin had disappeared, his eyes slightly widened and his face unusually pale. He managed to produce only one, barely audible word. "Shit…"

Her expression quite similar Emily stared at the empty desk. It looked like she was shaking violently. "I… can't believe this", she whispered.

Penelope Garcia, who was stood nearby, didn't speak. All she could do was bring a shaking hand to her lips. No one noticed the single tear that rolled down her cheek.

The room was utterly quiet for a moment until Derek moved. No one had the time to see the look on the man's face as he began to storm away, slamming the door painfully loudly as he went. They were fairly sure he didn't utter a sound, but somehow the rest of the team could've sworn they heard a loud scream.

Emily moved to follow Derek until Aaron placed a firm hand to her shoulder. The unit chief's face didn't betray a thing, but his eyes were another story. "Don't. He needs a moment alone."

Suddenly everyone's eyes were on Aaron. He was, after all, their leader, who was supposed to guide them through anything. And he'd already lost JJ – they refused to believe that he'd accept another defeat. "What's our plan?" Emily all but demanded in the end, voicing what was on everyone's mind.

If he was fully honest, for the first time in ages Aaron had absolutely no idea, no master plans or words of encouragement. He had nothing to offer when his team needed him the most, and the infuriating sense of helplessness made his blood boil. He pressed his lips to a tight, thin line before speaking in a voice he often used on field. "We do our job." Seeing the looks of disapproval he went on, his voice even more authoritative. "You heard Strauss. Reid left out of his own free will, so there's little we can do through official channels. None of us likes this, but our hands are tied." He took a breath, attempting to ease some of the weight sitting on his chest. "So focus on work. It's the best we can do for now." With that he turned and began to head towards his office. He didn't want to see the looks on the faces of his team, because he didn't know how much of those expressions he'd be able to take without damaging the mask of composure on his own face.

He beginning to crack was the last thing any of them needed.

As soon as he made it to his office and behind his desk Aaron picked up his phone and dialed numbers he hadn't used in a long time. The answer was almost instant. "_Hello?_"

Aaron glanced towards the door of his office, as though suspecting that someone was behind it eavesdropping. "It's me." His voice was raspy, as though he'd hadn't used it in ages. He swallowed. "I… need you to do me a favor. It's about Reid."

* * *

Apart from one tiny lamp the rather small apartment was completely dark and filled with tightly taped cardboard boxes as a lone figure sat there.

Spencer didn't really know what he was doing as he sat on his couch, staring at the opposite wall with glazed over eyes. He'd come much too far to regret and he knew he was doing the right thing, but that didn't make things any easier.

Memories of his life with Vincent mixed with those of his life with his team when he closed his eyes and breathed in deep, attempting to soothe the chaos inside his head.

And just then a one more memory floated into his mind, as though attempting to reassure him of his decision. A flash of emerald-green eyes that had a smile in them. If he really focused he could still hear her laughter echoing faintly in the back in his mind.

Spencer grit his teeth so hard that it caused a nasty screeching sound.

_I made a mistake with you, Maddy_, he mused sullenly. _And I swear I'll never do it again._

Just then his eyes flew open when there was disturbingly loud, demanding knocking on his door. A couple of seconds later Spencer decided to open the door before his neighbors would start complaining. After all, judging by how dark it was outside it was already pretty late.

Moving stiffly and slowly through the maze of boxes Spencer made his way to the door and opened. His eyes widened to a size he'd imagined impossible and his heart stilled for a couple of precious beats when he found Derek standing there.

Derek's eyes were filled with a storm of emotions, and the older man's hands were shaking as though they'd been itching to break something. "Strauss, she…" The man swallowed. "She told us you're quitting, that… That you're just leaving us." In some other situation the outburst might've amused Spencer; trust Derek to be so blunt. But now…

He swallowed thickly, barely managing to maintain eye contact. It was ridiculously hard to just bite the bullet, especially when he knew he'd cause an explosion. "I am leaving." It was barely audible, but Spencer had a feeling Derek heard all too clearly. "Tomorrow morning."

At first Derek simply stared at him like he'd turned into some foreign organism. Then, slowly yet surely, the emotions set in. Spencer couldn't even identify them all, but he did know that after just those simple words Derek was angry, hurt and wounded. The genius hadn't felt as bad and guilty since sending his mother to a hospital. It took his all to remind himself that this had to be done, that there was no other way.

Spencer took a deep breath and hoped from the bottom of his heart that his eyes managed to lie just this once. Looking at Derek in the eyes while speaking the words was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. "I need to go. I've… been trying to find another way to deal with this – all of this. But…" His voice faded away.

It wasn't until he saw Derek frown he realized his slip. "To deal with what?"

He swallowed although his mouth felt so dry it ached. "I really loved working in BAU. Don't ever doubt that. But…" Dear god, Spencer felt how tears burned in his eyes and could only pray his friend was too upset to notice. " It just… It feels like I'm being stretched to shreds. I… I can't sleep. I can't even think anymore." Gosh, how much he would've wanted to tell that it wasn't the team's or even his job's fault! He licked his lips and ran a shaking hand through his hair, feeling dangerously close to breaking down right there and then. "That's… That's not living, Morgan. It isn't. So I… I need to get away. I've gotta leave when there's still something left to save." He had no idea where the line between truth and lies went in his words, because he couldn't really process what he was saying at all. The words just came, and as the hurt in Derek's eyes deepened Spencer's hatred towards himself grew.

He hoped and prayed that when this was all over Derek would find a way to forgive him, to understand. That his family would understand.

Derek's eyes narrowed, the man's look screaming far louder than the voice that hissed. "What about us – your team? Have you had it with us, too?" The man was, apparently, too pissed off to listen to his answer. For exactly a second his friend grit his teeth so tightly it must've hurt before continuing. "You should've told us – you should've told _me_. You could've come to us, but instead you chose Strauss. And now… Now you're expecting me to…!" The man's eyes turned dangerous, and for a moment Spencer was sure he'd get punched. "You're walking out on us, Reid. You're walking out on your family. Don't expect me to understand that anytime soon."

"I… I have to think about myself this time, Morgan", Spencer breathed out, feeling tired and throughoutly torn. "I… I'm sorry, if this upsets you."

Derek's eyes were so hard it made him shiver. "Is that what I'm supposed to tell the team? Because they're just as full of questions as I am."

Spencer felt a ton's weight settling to his shoulders. "Yeah. It is."

"Fine." For a moment Derek's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If this is how you've decided to handle things, then good luck." Spencer didn't make a sound while Derek turned, then stormed away and disappeared.

Spencer didn't whimper although the ache inside him spread to absolutely every single one of his cells. He took the pain and accepted it, never noticing the tears shining in his eyes as he closed the apartment's door almost soundlessly.

Somehow it felt like he'd just said goodbye.

He didn't have the time to grieve long, though. Because less than a minute later, before he'd managed to move from the door, he heard steps and felt all of his muscles stiffen. For although it was years from the last time since he heard these steps he recognized them all too well.

The chilling chuckle and clapping made him feel sick to his stomach, almost more so than the words. "Now aren't you a good boy, midget? That was one hell of a show. And here I thought I'd have to take care of him." Vincent didn't touch him, but he could've sworn he felt the man's hands around his neck. "Now keep playing nice and we'll have splendid time together. We've got a lot of catching up to do."

* * *

Derek had no clue how long he'd been walking around, rage and confusion making his head so blurry that thinking properly was impossible.

None of this made any sense to him. The Spencer Reid he knew would never do something like this. So why the hell…?

That thought was cut when his cell phone snatched his attention.

"What?" he barked out, not bothering to take a look at the caller ID.

"_And I thought I was in a bad mood_", Penelope's voice, which didn't sound quite right, noted.

Derek frowned, in an instant knowing that something was very, very wrong. "What's going on?" he demanded. He wished he would've managed to produce at least some sort of a apology, but at the moment he was too angry and tired for such.

Penelope swallowed so loudly he heard it. "_I… finally had the time to make that background check you asked me to do, to see if there's a… Vincent in Reid's past._" There was a long pause. "_I found something, and… I really think you should know this._"

* * *

TBC, no?

* * *

A/N: Oh crap… Here comes Vincent – in present time. (sweatdrops) Things are about to get very, very nasty…

**PLEASE**, leave a review to let me know what you thought of the chapter! Good, bad, luke warm…? Aww, c'mon, you know how much I adore hearing from you. Besides, it's almost Christmas and elves are keeping an eye on you… (grins)

IN THE NEXT ONE: Spencer is introduced to his own private hell while the rest of the team is introduced to Vincent. When the team goes to Reid's apartment to get some more answers they find a devastating sight…

Awkay, I've got a millions things on my 'do to' –list, so I've gotta get going. (pouts)

Until next time, folks, with whichever story that may be! And of course…

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!**

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**CMSP**: First of all, I'm thrilled you asked for a response! I love messaging with readers. (beams)

(And don't worry one bit about your English – I think it's very, very good! I'm a non-native, too, btw.) (grins)

AND, I'm even more glad to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far THAT MUCH! (grins from ear to ear, even blushes a bit) I'm particularly happy to hear you liked the different POVs and emotions; they're something I'm trying to be particularly delicate with.

Reid's deffinitely been through a lot already, and it looks like there's more to come now that Vincent's on the loose. (winces) We'll see just how deep the mess gets…

As for Madison… Her story shall begin to unfold in chapter three. We'll see just what kind of a role she had in Reid's past…

Gigantic thank yous for the INCREDIBLE review! I really hope you'll enjoy the story to come as much.


	4. Family Reunions

A/N: Heh, I was a bit sceptical if I'd be able to update again this year – I've been basically banned from my computer few a few days, so it was a touch and go. But here I am! (grins)

BUT, before going on with the show… HUGE, huge thank yous for all those absolutely amazing reviews! You guys can't even imagine how happy you've made me. (GLOMPS) THANK YOU! Thanks to you I'm seriously falling in love with writing this little thing. (chuckles)

Awkay, because I'm kind of running short of time… Let's go! (swallows thickly) I really hope you'll have a good ride with this one.

* * *

CHAPTER 4 – Family Reunions

* * *

/ _By the age of thirty-five Tawny and Keith Rogers had seen a lot of things they'd most likely have nightmares of for the rest of their lives. After all Keith was a public prosecutor who always seemed to be handed the cases no one else wanted, and Tawny was a psychiatrist in a prison. But that Halloween their nine-years-old daughter Madison gave them a surprise that changed their lives forever._

_When they came home with groceries they frowned upon discovering that there wasn't just one, but two pairs of children's shoes nearby their door. "Maddy? Sweetie?" Tawny called out. "Do you have a visitor? I thought we agreed that…" She trailed off, for just then she reached the house's living room. And suddenly there were no words._

_Madison was sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. And right next to her, with his head placed to her lap, lay a boy of her age with slightly messy brown hair and large eyeglasses. It was a surprise that he seemed to be fast asleep, because the visible injuries must've been painful, especially for someone so young. A split lip, a bruise that'd most likely darken to a sickly color on his face, two clearly broken fingers on his left hand…_

_What the heck had happened to that poor child?_

_"Mommy." Madison's eyes were pleading and filled with worry as she looked at her. "I know you and daddy said I can't have friends visiting during the holidays, but… Spencer's dad is out of town, and his mom is sick – he doesn't have anyone."_

_Just then Keith stood beside Tawny and also saw the battered child. The hissed out "Shit…!" was so quiet that Madison didn't seem to hear it._

_Tawny gave her husband a look that told him to stay quiet for the time being before focusing on Madison once more. "Do you know who hurt him?"_

_Madison shook her head, all the emotions twirling inside her visible in her eyes. "He wouldn't say." The girl looked at Spencer, who hadn't even stirred during the conversation. "He… hasn't slept in five days."  
Looking at the adorable, painfully skinny boy Tawny grit her teeth, coming to a conclusion that the child hadn't been eating properly, either. That was when her maternal instincts kicked in. "Let him sleep, for now. Daddy and I will figure out what to do."_

_Madison nodded, appearing utterly relieved._

_Tawny motioned Keith to follow her, and they made their way to the kitchen. "What the hell are we going to do with that kid?" Keith sighed, slumping to the nearest chair._

_Tawny grit her teeth, her eyes straying towards the living room. "I'm going to call the child protective services. Then I'll make some food for that kid. After that…" She shook her head. "I have no idea."_

_

* * *

_

_Spencer didn't know how long he'd been asleep when he woke up to discover that he was still in Madison's house. He could feel a bright, hot blush on his cheeks when he discovered that his head was on the girl's lap._

_Feeling his movements Madison looked down and smiled brightly when seeing him awake. "Hey!" She went on before he got the chance to say a word. "Do you want food? Mommy said you should eat."_

_He shook his head, feeling nauseous as memories and pain came flooding in. "I… I'm not hungry", he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. "But thank you."_

_Madison nodded. "Okay." Then, most likely on the spur of the moment, she gave him a kiss to the forehead. "Go back to sleep. No one will hurt you now, I promise."_

_His blush from before was so bright that it almost burned, but Spencer didn't care. As he closed his eyes and slowly began to drift back to sleep he realized that for the first time in ages he felt perfectly safe. Like everything was alright, at least for a while._

_Since that day Halloween was his favorite holiday._

_It was fortunate, really, that Spencer couldn't possibly know that the darkest chapter of the story had only just began. Because the very next day Vincent came by and took him back home. And six months later he saw Madison for the last time…_ /

* * *

Considering that the entire remaining BAU team was there the room was unbelievably quiet as they all stared at a computer screen, the looks on their faces showing uncharacteristic, breathtaking displays of emotions.

The video was footage from Valley of Ataraxia, which was one of strictest mental institutions on the south of United States. The patients there were the worst of the worst – extremely disturbed, haunted beings most people would've long since declared lost souls. The video they were currently watching had been filmed for a trial because, as the doctor interviewing the patient had explained in the beginning of the video, the patient wasn't well enough to be present in court. The patient's presence would've been harmful to several parties.

The thirteen-year-old patient's name was Vincent Reid.

From the very beginning the team had found it chilling and extremely disturbing that those eyes, which had the exact same color as Spencer's, held absolutely no emotion. There was no remorse, fear, sadness, anger or even confusion. The boy simply stared at the doctor, who was sitting behind the camera, with the most demeaning expression the team had ever seen. It was even more terrifying that the child was a nearly perfect replica of Spencer. Those facial features were exactly the same. They all focused firmly on the only difference, which was the boy's short, almost blond hair.

"_So, Vincent_", the doctor began. They could all identify a tremor in the man's tone that had nothing to do with the film's bad sound quality. "_Did Mrs. O'Malley explain to you why we're doing this?_"

Vincent nodded without hesitation, appearing utterly bored. "_Yeah. It's because I can't testify in the trial._" There was something that made the team members shudder in the boy's tone; something so sinister they hadn't heard such many times even in the voices of UnSubs. "_Apparently I'm too… ill right now._"

"_That's right._" By then the doctor's terror was loud and clear.

And Vincent didn't miss that. Looking at those eyes the team found it chillingly easy to believe in monsters and demons. "_Spencer is going to testify against me, isn't he?_"

"_I'm afraid I'm not allowed to answer that one, Vincent._"

Vincent gave the doctor a extremely irritated look, visibly fighting the urge to roll his eyes at the man he obviously considered unworthy of his time. "_I know he will – he'll talk about these._" The boy pointed towards a huge number of photographs on the small table before him. The film's quality was poor, but the team nonetheless saw the pictures all too clearly.

Without a doubt they were of Spencer. The boy had been abused so badly that there didn't seem to a undamaged part. And to make the pictures all the more heartbreaking the boy had been stripped so that he only had a pair of underpants on. His face had numerous cuts and bruises, his arm was in a thick cast and the rest of him looked like one huge, endless bruise. The worst part, however, were the child's huge, terror- and moisture-filled eyes that clearly begged for help.

"_I was trying to teach that stupid brat a lesson. Everything always comes so easily to him – everyone adores him. Because of him and his loud mouth everyone thinks I'm some kind of a monster, so I decided to become one._" Vincent's voice shook for a microsecond before regaining its usual, chilling tone. Once again the boy looked at the doctor in the eyes, visibly enjoying the new power he had. "_He swore to me he wouldn't tell a soul. We had a deal, and he betrayed it. That's why he needs to be punished, now._" The boy leaned towards the doctor as though entrusting the adult with a great secret. Vincent's eyes looked almost black as the child whispered so quietly that it was barely caught on the tape. "_There's no way you or any of these unworthy idiots could keep me here. Trust me, one day I will get out. And that day, Spencer pays. That's my testimony._"

The doctor was absolutely still and speechless for a long moment before breathing out. "_Okay._" There was a long pause. "_Thank you, Vincent._" With that the video clip ended.

For the longest time the team stared at the black screen as though expecting someone or something to appear and tell them this was all a part of some twisted nightmare. To convince them that what they'd just seen was a joke.

Nothing such appeared. Instead Derek spoke in a voice they barely recognized. "What… What the hell is this?"

Penelope swallowed loudly, her face several shades paler than usual. "Vincent, he… he really is Reid's brother, three years older – I found his birth certificate. And… Based on what I've found so far he made Reid's life a living hell when they were kids." She trailed off for the longest time, blinking furiously. "He… He's sick, really sick. He spent years in that place."

"Did they… let him out?" Emily asked in a extremely tight voice, although it was audible that she would've rather not heard the answer.

Penelope shook her head. It took what felt like ages before she managed to squeeze out the answer. "He escaped, weeks ago. They've been trying to find him quietly – looks like the hospital's management doesn't want to ruin the place's reputation."

Once more the silence was absolute when ice-cold, stone-hard realization hit them. "He's going to go after Reid", David finally breathed out, voicing what they were all thinking.

Derek grit his teeth so hard that a screeching sound could be heard. Something almost primal gleamed in the man's dark eyes. "I… went to see him, earlier." His voice was filled with guilt and about a million other shades the man was powerless to hide. "I left him alone into his apartment."

Aaron didn't have to hear more. Everyone's eyes were on the man as he pulled out his cell phone, then dialed numbers and waited with a hard expression on his face. Although it must've been less than a minute to them the wait seemed to take ages. "Reid, as soon as you get this message, call us." They felt like someone had punched them when the man put away the phone, giving up. "We're going", the unit chief half-barked, looking fully ready to tear something or someone apart. "Now." His eyes were sharp as he delivered orders. "Garcia, keep investigating. The rest of you, we're going to Reid's apartment. We need some answers." Also, there was a feeling of dread in his chest he couldn't explain.

* * *

As soon as Derek heard the truth about Vincent his head went completely, utterly blank. Suddenly everything Spencer had said to him earlier made sense, and he felt sick to his stomach.

/ _"I need to go. I've… been trying to find another way to deal with this – all of this."_ /

Derek's eyes narrowed as Spencer's voice echoed in his head over and over again, as though mocking him.

_Damn it, kid…! Why the hell do you keep coming up with stuff like this?_

Of course he knew why. But that made no difference to the ton's load of guilt and terror sitting on his chest.

Emily, who'd quite wisely taken the wheel of their car, gave him a sideways glance. She pressed her lips together for a moment before talking. "You do understand that none of this is your fault, right? There was no way you could've seen any of this coming."

He gave her a wry look. "Thanks, but… That doesn't exactly help, you know?"

He saw the sigh Emily swallowed. "Yeah, I know." The look that flashed in her eyes radiated some of what was spinning inside him. "Looks like Hotch and Rossi are already here."

Gathering himself with a huge inhale Derek nodded, then climbed out of the vehicle atypically stiffly and headed towards where the older men were waiting. The four of them didn't exchange a word as they entered the block of flats – they didn't have to, because they were all thinking about the same thing.

If they'd failed to notice that something was wrong with Spencer again, if they'd let him walk into the hands of a yet another monster, they'd _never_ forgive themselves.

The first warning sign they got was that the door of Spencer's apartment was open, and there was a annoyed, curious and mildly scared older woman standing a step away from it. A neighbor, no doubt. She narrowed her eyes behind her huge glasses and folded her arms tightly to her chest when seeing them. "Now who are you?"

Aaron showed the woman his badge. "We're all with the FBI." The man nodded towards the open door, his expression grim. "What happened here?"

The woman relaxed slightly, curiosity making her eyes brighten. "Oh, FBI? That's good. I was afraid there'd be more… suspicious people lurking around here." Before they got the chance to ask the woman went on, clearly enjoying the excitement. "Earlier today this… man entered Dr. Reid's apartment. Later there was a lot of noise – screaming and things being thrown. I was about to call the police, but then it became silent." She frowned. "It's unusual that Dr. Reid forgets his door open. Usually he's such a private person…"

Derek felt cold filling his chest and stomach as he also frowned. "What did that man look like?"

The woman shrugged. "The lights were out so I couldn't see properly, but I think he looked a lot like Dr. Reid. The man could've been his brother or some other relative."

How Aaron managed to maintain that stiff, professional mask on his face was beyond the rest of the team. "Thank you." In the dimly lit hallway it was impossible to read the man's eyes as they darted towards the team. "We're going in."

Derek didn't have to be told twice. One hand fully prepared and placed to his weapon he entered the apartment. For some reason darkness was the first thing he paid attention to. It felt wrong; Spencer hated the dark. "Reid?" he called out, tossing aside all caution. There wasn't a sound apart from the team's steps following him. Panic formed a huge, painfully tight ball into his stomach as he tried again. "Reid, are you here?"

That was when Emily, who was the last one to enter, turned on the light. The sight that greeted them was like a punch right at Derek's face.

Before his disappearance Spencer had packed up pretty much all his belongings. Now the boxes had flown all around the room as the result of a struggle. A corner of Spencer's bookshelf had cracked from when a body had been thrown against it. Those things, albeit chilling, weren't what got to the team the most. What truly unnerved them was the blood. Droplets of it seemed to be everywhere, scattered so that it was impossible to tell the exact amount.

It was clear Spencer hadn't let himself be taken away without a fight. But in the end he'd lost.

Even the last bits of breath and warmth abandoned Derek's body as he stood there, staring at the crippling sight with wide eyes. Guilt crushed him like a tank, and for a moment he couldn't breathe under the weight.

They'd been too late. They'd been too fucking late.

A flash of Spencer's eyes from when he'd last seen the genius appeared to his mind. Derek was fairly sure they'd be plaguing his nightmares for a very, very long time.

Derek was so consumed with his own thoughts that he shivered when David moved all of a sudden, a deep frown on his face. It wasn't until then he noticed something barely visible.

On the floor before the bookshelf, almost disappeared under the furniture, was the corner of paper. With quite a bit of effort David coaxed the item in the open, revealing a tiny note that had a brief, hasty line of writing on it. The frown on the older man's face deepened as he looked at the words. "Is this… Spanish?"

Emily stepped closer and blinked twice when looking at the paper. "Yeah, it is", she announced, appearing stunned. "It says 'Look closer'."

Until then Aaron had stood somewhere behind Derek without moving an inch, barely even breathing. But now the unit chief moved, kneeling to the bookshelf. The rest of them stared with stun as the man's fingers danced on the shelf's wooden bottom-decoration, brushing the star-shaped engravings. Derek opened his mouth to ask what was going on when there was a soft 'click'. The four of them stared as a piece of the wood opened, revealing them a small hidden locker.

In some other situation Derek might've laughed. Trust a magician to have such things in his house…

Aaron frowned, then took out the locker's soul content – a disc.

"Reid… wanted us to have that", Emily mused out loud. "He knew we'd find it."

Derek grit his teeth so hard his chin hurt, trying to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes. "Then let's go and find out what's on it."

* * *

The very first thing Spencer experienced upon waking up was nausea. He might've even thrown up – he couldn't be sure, because for a long moment everything appeared hazy and disoriented. But then, gradually, he became aware of the voice calling out to him.

"Spencer." The male-voice was familiar, but he couldn't quite put a name to it. "Spencer, are you awake?"

He blinked twice, wishing the world would've stopped spinning. "Yeah", he murmured, even to his own ears sounding dangerously close to losing consciousness again. "I am."

"Good. That's good." Spencer still couldn't recognize the voice, but he did distinguish the load of worry – almost terror – in it. There was a brief pause. "You… He said you have a head-injury. I was afraid you got a consussion."

Spencer didn't really want to say that he was almost sure that assumption was a correct one. He breathed in deep and blinked thrice, pleased to discover that the spinning was subsiding and he didn't feel like throwing up anymore. He was relieved for a brief moment, until his brain finally took in his surroundings.

The first thing he registered was that it was so dark it was hard to see clearly. The small, circle-shaped room's only source of light was a rapidly fading oil-lamp that'd been left nearby a huge, metallic and most likely heavily locked door. The floor and the walls were made of stone. The air filling his lungs was extremely heavy and filled with the stench of moisture. It seemed that he was cuffed to a tightly bolted chair with something metallic.

And as though that hadn't been bad enough pain began to surge in once more. Unable to hold himself back he whimpered barely audibly when ache seemed to spread to his entire body, finally centering to his head and swelling as though attempting to smash his skull to pieces.

"Spencer." The nearly frantic voice was even more familiar now. "How badly did he hurt you?"

Spencer wished he could've answered, reassured that he was going to be fine as soon as he'd get himself pulled back together. But he just couldn't remember at all. And soon the answer made no difference to him, because about ten seconds later he finally recognized the other captive's voice. "Dad?" he choked out.

There was a long pause until William Reid half-whispered. "I… I'm so sorry, Spencer. I'm sorry." His father gulped loudly. "I never wanted it to end up like this. I never thought…" The man trailed off.

Spencer never got the chance to respond, because just then the door he'd discovered earlier opened and a person he knew all too well entered.

Now that Vincent had grown up they looked even more alike than when they were children, although his brother's haircolor was still a lot lighter than his and the older man was more strongly built. But those eyes looking at him… Spencer had never seen anything as terrifying in his entire life. And at that moment he knew something with disheartening certainty.

If it was up to Vincent, he wouldn't be leaving this hellhole alive. And no one was coming to rescue.

As though hearing his thoughts Vincent gave him a chilling, dangerous grin that revealed a row of white teeth. "I see you're already getting the picture. That's good – we're on the same page." The man walked closer with heavy, loud steps. "You know, I thought about picking up mom too, so she could join us. But already then she was such a pathetic, useless creature that I still can't feel anything but pity towards her. But you two…" If it was possible those eyes became even more dangerous as they narrowed. "You can't even imagine what it was like to grow up when everyone treated me like some sort of a monster because of you. Because of you I was locked up into that shithole like some kind of a animal – you ditched me there as though I was worth nothing! And I swear, I'll make you pay for it."

Spencer swallowed, blinking slowly. Whenever he'd pictured this situation in his head he'd imagined himself frozen by terror, but now he was utterly numb. Perhaps it was because of his head-injury or shock. "What are you going to do to us?"

Vincent looked directly at him. "I'm going to start with you, midget." Spencer was almost sure his heart stopped for a couple of seconds when his brother pulled out a needle before talking again. "It's come to my attention that you've had some… problems with things like this in the past. I'd like to see what they're all about."

* * *

In the BAU-headquarters the mood was close to grim as Penelope inserted the disc Spencer had left for them. Moments later a video-clip of Spencer on his couch appeared to the screen. Someone unleashed a strange, unidentifiable sound, but they couldn't be sure which one of them it was.

Spencer was even paler than usual and his eyes were full of sadness when he ran a hand through his hair and licked his lips before getting started. "_I… was hoping that I'd never have to do this, but…_" The brunet spent a long moment searching for the right words. "_I… __I'm pretty sure you've already heard about Vincent. And you want answers. You'd deserve an explanation, and I'm sorry that this is the best I can do._" The genius swallowed loudly, his eyes wandering. "_He's dangerous, though I think you've gathered that much already. He's a sociopath; he feels no empathy or remorse, already as a child he was extremely manipulative, impulsive, violent and he has no control over his reactions. And he… He threatened to come after you. So, the thing is… I'm going to stop him. And I wanted to leave this for you guys, just in case…_" There was a long pause none of them liked. They also hated the torn look on the brunet's face. "_If you want answers, look for Madison. That's the most I can give you. Look for answers, but please don't come after Vincent. Please. Don't _ever_ come after him._" Spencer blinked twice and tried to smile a little, but failed miserably. "_You guys, I'm so sorry. Just… Take care, okay? Be careful. And… Thank you so much, for everything._" With that the genius turned off the camera.

And then the video ended, just as suddenly as it'd began, leaving behind silence and emptiness nothing seemed to fill. No one in the room managed to tear their eyes away from the already black screen. It was like they'd been soundlessly pleading Spencer to come back, to show himself to them again.

Hearing his voice, at least, would've given them a feeling that there was still hope.

In the end David was the first one of them able to talk, although his voice was a touch weaker than usual. "Madison?" he mused out loud.

Everything in the room froze when a voice they'd never expected to hear again spoke. "Madison Rogers." Moving slowly, as though thinking that perhaps this was all a dream, the team members turned. A variety of expression and emotions could be seen as they faced Jason Gideon. The man shifted his weight to his other leg, clearly feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. The former team member gave no stiff greetings, awkward apologies or hollow pleasantries, instead went on straigth away. "I… was asked to perform some investigations when she died. That's when I met Reid for the first time."

* * *

TBC, no?

* * *

A/N: Oh crap, it looks like things are getting worse and worse. (winces) BUT, at least now the team's aware of what's going on. We'll see if they'll manage to help…

Ah, **a small announcement**! Now that I've officially fallen for this story, it's gained a sort of a structure in my head. Which means, that I can finally announce how long I'm planning to make this. What would you guys say of a nine or ten shot? Because I'm planning on writing five or six more chapters if you're interested to read. (glances questioningly)

**PLEASE**, leave a note and let me know your thoughts! By now it should be creal how much I love hearing of you. (gives puppy's eyes)

IN THE NEXT ONE: Reid is taken back to the darkest days of his life, and he must struggle to maintain his sanity. It looks like Vincent is only just getting started… Meanwhile Gideon tells the team his side of Madison's story. Feelings bubble and boil over. Will Reid and his father be saved while there's still something left to save?

See you next time, I hope! Take care!

Oh, and of course…

**HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!**

**

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**ReadingYourThoughts**: (blushes, grins from ear to ear and gives a huge hug) Awww, you're making me feel all flattered!

I really hope you'll be as excited about the rest.

Monumental thank yous for the review!


	5. Down to a Hiatus

A/N: Hiya there guys! New year, new chapter. (grins)

BUT, before getting to it… GOSH, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your reviews! You've done miracles to my at times stumbling inspiration, ya know? (GLOMPS) So THANK YOU!

Awkay, because I don't want to bore you with a half a page long a/n, let's roll, no? (swallows thickly) I truly hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

CHAPTER 5 – Down to a Hiatus

* * *

/ _When Jason Gideon was called to investigate someone's death as an expert he knew to expect something horrific. That particularly cold day of autumn made no exception._

_As soon as he parked his rental car Jason felt shivers go all the way through him as he saw the completely scorched ruins that used to be a small barn. He took three deep breaths and closed his eyes for a second before climbing out of the vehicle and walking to the detective who was also staring at the devastating sight._

_The detective – a woman of his age with long black hair and a indian's facial features – turned her gaze upon hearing him. Instead of offering her hand for a handshake she nodded. "Are you Jason Gideon?" As he emitted a barely audible 'yes' she went on. "I'm detective Ana Mendez. I was the one who called you."_

_Jason nodded back, unable to look away from the destroyed building although he was talking to her. "You… told me that the victim's a child." This was the kind of a case he hated the most. Most adults he could eventually push into a further storage space in the depths of his mind, but children always came back to haunt him._

_Ana's eyes narrowed, making her appear extremely dangerous. Her fists balled. "Madison Rogers, age ten", she half-spat through her tightly grit teeth. "She… was locked in there, before the fire started."_

_Jason felt sick to his stomach, and it took his all to keep his emotions in check. "Do you have suspects?" It felt surreal, to ask if she knew who'd burn a child to death._

_"We know who did it." Ana's eyes were pure lava as she went on. "Vincent Reid, age thirteen. His mother has a long history as a psychiatric patient, and it'll be examined if Vincent has the same problem. Social services have met the family a couple of times. We'll see what's up ahead for the the boys in the future."_

_Jason frowned. "Boys?"_

_The sound Ana made was unidentifiable. "Vincent has a younger brother, Spencer."_

_For a moment it was utterly silent as they both stared at the ruins, and for a moment Jason was almost sure he could hear Madison's screams. It took a long time before he managed to speak once more. "Why, exactly, did you invite me?"_

_"We need some answers, and so do Madison's parents. Vincent… He simply toys with the people who have been trying to evaluate him." Ana held a small pause. "So, we need your help to figure out what he's about, what we should do with him."_

_Jason clenched his teeth together and nodded. The last thing he wanted was to see this monster with a child's face, but this was his duty._

_"But first… Could you talk to Spencer?" Ana went on after seeing his slightly confused look. "Aside Vincent he's the only person who knows what happened. He lives in a house only three minutes' walk away from here."_

_Jason shuddered, wondering what exactly Spencer had gone through with a brother like that – and exactly what the child had seen during the fire the day before. Following Ana's lead he prepared himself for anything. _

_Jason didn't know what he expected to find. But what he encountered made him freeze for a moment with surprise._

_Sitting on a house's porch was a ten-years-old boy with brown hair and huge eyeglasses that failed to hide just how hard the child had been crying. The boy's hands shook as he focused on solving the Rubik's cube someone had given him. The sight was absolutely heartbreaking._

_The man sitting beside the boy was the first one to notice him and gave him a stiff nod._

_Jason nodded back, stopping a couple of steps away from the two. "I'm agent Jason Gideon. I… was asked to come to Vegas because of Vincent. But before I talk to him I'd like to ask Spencer a couple of questions."_

_The man's mouth opened, but Spencer beat him to speaking. "It's… It's okay, dad." The look on the child's face shouldn't have belonged there. "I want to do this."_

_The father hesitated for the longest time before finally getting up. "I'll be right in the kitchen, if you need me." With that the man was gone._

_As soon as they were alone Jason took a seat next to Spencer, fighting furiously to figure out where to start. The situation was so surreal that he just didn't know._

_To his surprise Spencer spoke. "We… We always sneaked into that barn – Maddy found it two years ago. __I… __I couldn't go there yesterday, because Vincent was in a bad mood. I tried to make sure she'd stay away, but… But she came here. She was angry, and asked me why I didn't come. __I… __I told her I don't want to be her friend anymore. I can't have any friends." The by then badly shaking child didn't seem to notice the couple of tears that traveled down his cheeks. "I made a mistake. Vincent… He saw Maddy and was furious. He… He locked me into a bathroom, and told me he'd kill me if I'd follow him. And he meant it this time."_

_Jason held a long pause, feeling nauseous and more furious than ever in his life. He hoped the child didn't see it. "Then what happened?" he asked as evenly as he could._

_Spencer swallowed thickly, bowing his head as though ashamed. "I… I escaped the bathroom through a window, and followed him – I knew where Maddy would go. But… I was too late. There was smoke and fire everywhere, and Maddy… Maddy was screaming. She was screaming so much!" The child emitted a choked sound, and visibly fought furiously with himself to be able to continue. "Vincent… Vincent held me, so I couldn't help her, and… I tried to yell and fight, but he was too strong. And then… Then Maddy just stopped screaming." The boy lifted his gaze slowly. Jason's heart broke at the look in those utterly devastated, tear-filled eyes. "I… I tried to get to her, I swear."_

_Jason's swallowed and tried his best to keep his emotions in check. The last thing the child needed was his pity. "I know you tried. And I'm sure Madison does, too."_

_Perhaps it was hearing her name that broke the last of Spencer's resolve. Because there, right before his eyes, the boy finally broke down. For the first time since his arrival Jason realized that the child before him was only ten. Much too young for something like this._

_But then again, no one was supposed to be pushed through something like this._

_At that moment Jason's parental instincts – which he'd thought had died long ago – woke up from their slumber. Careful to function so slowly that he didn't startle Spencer any further Jason moved closer to the sobbing child and wrapped one arm around the boy's small shoulders. At first Spencer tensed up completely against his touch, but then did something neither of them had known to expect. Jason nearly lost his breath with how tightly Spencer hugged him, burying his tear stained face to the man's shoulder to spare some of his dignity._

_Jason didn't speak, because in all honesty he didn't think there were any magic words that would've made things better for the child who was currently holding him as though for dear life. So Jason simply hugged back, hoping that Spencer's nightmare was over at last._

_Yet already then Jason knew all too clearly that this story wouldn't end quite so soon._ /

* * *

As he stood outside in fresh air Derek's head _hurt_. It wasn't one of those mild aches one could ignore as a small nuisance, but such splitting agony that seemed to tear his skull in two.

What they'd just learned about Spencer's past… It made him feel sick to his stomach.

If he'd known all this, then maybe…

Fortunately that unhelpful trail of thoughts became cut short when he heard steps approaching him from behind. Glancing over his shoulder he felt a sharp slash of anger when seeing Jason Gideon stood only about five steps away.

"I came to make sure you're alright after storming away like that", Jason explained, his tone slightly guarded.

"I'm fine", Derek replied after a long pause, his tone even sharper than he'd intended. "I just… needed to get some air."

Jason seemed to restrain a sigh before speaking in a tone Derek remembered all too well. "I know I have some explaining to do. But right now Reid is our top priority."

Derek emitted a sound he couldn't quite identify. "You ran away. You chose to escape rather than deal with whatever was bothering you with us, your family. But I don't think I'm the one with who you need to sort things out, Gideon."

The flash of hurt in Jason's eyes told that he'd hit the mark.

Derek grit his teeth and pulled in a deep breath before talking again. "But you're right. Now's not the time to deal with this. We need to find that asshole before it's too late, because…" He swallowed, miraculously managing to ease the huge lump in his throat. "Because if we lose Reid, I'll never forgive myself."

A small, wry smile appeared to Jason's face. It wasn't until then realized that the visibly exhausted man probably hadn't slept in a long time. "That makes two of us."

A heavy silence that seemed to carry something Derek couldn't quite decipher lingered around them, and in the end it became too much for his restless mind. "I'll go and see if the other's have come up with anything", he declared and walked away before Jason could say another word.

As he went he couldn't help wondering if things would ever be normal again.

* * *

Watching Derek's distancing back Jason unleashed a sigh, rubbing his face with one hand. "Well…", he mused out loud when feeling a presence. "I didn't expect this to be easy."

There was a apology in Aaron's eyes when the man stood beside him. "I should've expected them to react this way before I even made the decision of calling you."

Jason shook his head, feeling strangely choked. "It's… okay. Just…" He blinked twice, pressing his lips tightly together for a moment. "Right now we have to focus on finding Reid. Because… If the things I wrote into that letter I left for him would be the last words I ever said to him, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself."

Aaron nodded, and a silent understanding formed between them.

* * *

Spencer remembered the exact date and time of the last time he'd taken a shot of Dilaudid – he wouldn't have needed his eidetic memory to be able to. Every single one of the emotions he'd felt then were still raw and tender right underneath his skin.

The mixture of relief, fear, anger, joy and sadness… Spencer could've never imagined such even existed.

He'd defeated the monster Tobias had introduced to him, although it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

He remembered all of that clearly, down to the very last detail. So as he watched Vincent pull out a vial he recognized all too easily Spencer felt how his heart stilled for a couple of valuable seconds. His hands shook with both terror and such dark need that terrified him. The dosage he was about to receive was a very, very big one – he had enough experience to know that. "Vincent, don't…!" he choked out, feeling like there'd been a rope wrapped around his neck. His eyes stung, but he at very least no tears fell. "Don't… Don't do this."

Vincent's eyebrow arched while the man's eyes turned towards him, filled with coldness that stole whatever little hope he'd had. "Do what?" Vincent inquired in a velvet smooth voice that carried a dangerous edge. The injection was prepared, and Spencer's stomach filled with ice water as his older brother straightened his form and began to approach him. "Isn't this relief anymore? Or are you afraid of what you'll see once the drug takes over?"

"Vincent, leave him alone!" his father spoke out all of a sudden in a tone Spencer didn't recognize. Was the man… terrified? "Put… Put whatever the hell you want in me, but leave him alone, please! Don't…!"

Spencer heart jumped painfully when Vincent sped to the older man with a attacking beast's speed and there was a unmistakable sound of someone being punched, hard. Spencer's mouth opened for a soundless cry when his father emitted a groan of pain. His heart was racing and his blood's rushing almost deafened him from everything else.

"Do not… interrupt me!" Vincent growled, sounding fully ready to tear the older man into pieces right there and then. "Trust me, there's a lot worse in store for both of you before the end if you don't shut up right now. Do we understand each other?"

William coughed once before speaking through his teeth. "Yes."

"Very good." And then, so fast that Spencer shuddered, his brother was stood before him. Their eyes locked, and in those few moments he saw absolutely all of his brother's rage. He finally saw all of the monster that'd been growing up behind those eyes. And at that moment he _knew_. "So you finally see, don't you?" Vincent grinned, revealing a row of threatening teeth. "This little injection… Right now it's your only blessing. Your last little escape. And don't resist – I doubt you'd want to risk me giving you a overdose."

Spencer didn't feel the preparations, or even the needle itself. All he could focus on was those eyes, which seemed to be staring right back at him even when they turned away.

And then, so suddenly that his whole body jolted, Vincent brushed his cheek with a treacherously gentle hand and leaned to his ear. "Close your eyes and dream", a hazardous voice whispered into his ear, stinging like winter's coldest breeze. "Because this is only getting started. When you sober up, I'll be right here waiting for you. Don't get lost along the way."

Although it was the very last thing he wanted Spencer obeyed, surrendered sickeningly gladly to the all too familiar blanket of numbness. Everything faded and eventually disappeared, until it felt like his mind had been wiped blank. And then he was pulled under.

It felt like jumping off a cliff with his eyes closed. He had absolutely no idea where the fall would take him, or if it would ever end.

Spencer saw flashes. And although he knew, or at least thought he knew, that they were memories it felt like he'd been watching a movie.

/ _Spencer got one of the biggest surprises of his life when he woke up at around eleven on his ninth birthday's evening to the sound of someone sneaking into his room through the window. His whole body froze with fear for a moment until the arrival switched on the tiny lamp on his nightstand._

_Madison grinned at the look on his face. "What? Did you really think I'd forget your birthday?"_ /

/ _He remembered, quite vividly, how he'd found David and Derek when they broke into his hotel room to find out what was going on with him._

_"What are you guys doing here?"_

_"Hey. What does it look like we're doing?"_

_"Uh, breaking into my room watching Days of our Lives?"_

_"Young and the Restless."_ /

/ _Once again he saw Madison's all too familiar smile when he opened the birthday present she gave him when he turned nine._

_A magic set._

_"One day you'll be a great magician, Spencer", she proclaimed with utmost sincerity. "I know you will."_ /

/ _Almost scarily clearly his drugged mind created a image of the look on Aaron's face when the man looked at him when catching him doing magic tricks in the office. "____You_'___re_ really starting to get ___some distance_ on these ___things_." /

/ _Madison's eyes shone with enthusiasm when she looked at him, the light of a birthday cake's nine candles making them look like two pools of jade. "Blow them, Spencer!" she urged him. "And don't forget to make a wish."_

_As he looked at her there was only one wish he could think of. And so he blew._ /

/ _For the second time he attempted to blow the candles on his cake in the silly little birthday celebration the team held for him when he was 24._ /

/ _The sound of Madison's laughter seemed to echo everywhere around him and inside him when she ruffled his hair. "Happy birthday, Spencer."_ /

/ _Still, after all the years, he could've sworn he felt Madison's fingers when Derek touched his hair. And for a microsecond he felt so close to her that it hurt and made his chest fill with pleasant warmth._ /

/ _His birthday cake had been consumed long ago by the time Madison offered her pinkie towards him. Seeing his confused look she grinned. "Best friends forever? Pinkie swear?"_

_Finally catching on he nodded, his expression completely serious. "Yeah. Best friends forever."_ /

/ _Penelope's words echoed in his ears. "That's why this works, is because we're a family."_ /

/ _In Spencer rapidly blurring mind the scene of Madison hugging him mixed with the one of Emily hugging him after the entire nightmare in Benjamin Cyrus' hands was over._ /

Next came the memory Spencer had feared the most. At first he saw, smelled, heard and _felt_ the flames.

And then he heard Madison's voice, and he honestly couldn't tell if it was a drugged dream or reality anymore. "Spencer, help me! SPENCER!"

* * *

Back in reality Vincent watched with utter fascination and a demonic grin on his face how tears began to roll down Spencer's rapidly paling cheeks.

His brother truly was a fascinating specimen. He'd never seen anyone display so much emotion before, least of all drugged out cold.

This might be interesting, for a while.

"You're dreaming of Madison, aren't you? And that team of yours", he murmured at the brunet's unconscious face, and brushed the man's cheek with the sharp knife he was holding. "That's good. I want you to remember."

A screeching sound came when William moved. In the room's silence the man's handcuffs sounded painfully loud. "What the hell are you doing to him?" the man snarled, his voice filled with terror and helpless rage.

The wrath that washed over Vincent was like fire, left him choking for a while. His moves were brash and hazardous while he made his way to his father, letting absolutely everything that'd been building up inside him finally flow freely. "Shut… the fuck up", he hissed, bringing the knife he'd been holding to the older man's throat. Shifting hungrily his eyes examined each and every bruise on his father's by then horrified face. He jabbed quickly with just one finger, making William emit a yell of pain when the touch irritated the man's broken nose. "Spencer isn't the only member of our family with a eidetic memory, you see? I remember, too. I remember every single time you punished me with a punch for hurting Spencer and mom, each and every time you locked me into a basement to protect them. I remember, because even those freaks you gave me to couldn't pump enough drugs into me to make me forget. They couldn't erase from my mind that you abandoned your own son. How you let me down when I would've needed your help."

Something he couldn't quite understand flashed in William's eyes when the man swallowed thickly. "I… I didn't know how to raise someone like you, what to do with you! All the love in the world couldn't have helped you. I had to protect the rest of my family." Finally the man met his eyes. "I… I'm sorry, that I had to hurt you."

Vincent shook his head, feeling perfectly calm once more. It felt good to be in control again. "No, you're not sorry. Not yet." He pressed the knife just a little bit tighter. "But you will be."

From the corner of his eye he saw how Spencer's body began to jerk as the full effect of his heavy dosage began to kick in.

Vincent's eyes became black as the room's shadows fell on them, stealing away absolutely all light. "You'll be very, very sorry", he murmured in the tone of a very pleased wild beast.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Uh-huh… Looks like things are getting even worse, no? (winces) Poor Reid – and the team, too.

So… Was that any good, at all? Or should I go back the drawing board? **PLEASE**, leave a note to let me hear you out! Awww, c'mon, for the sake of a new year. (gives puppy's eyes)

IN THE NEXT ONE: As the final piece of Madison's story becomes revealed Vincent moves his plan to the next level. Hope seems to disappear from the tiny cell. Meanwhile Garcia gets a chilling déjà vu experience when her computer gains a life of its own and she sees the very last thing she would've wanted. Is the team already too late?

Until next time, folks! Don't worry, if you play nice I'll do the same and won't keep you waiting too long. (grins cheekily) I really hope I'll c ya soon.

Take care!


	6. Lost Souls

A/N: That's right, folks, I'm back! (grins)

BUT, first of course… THANK YOU for all those absolutely amazing reviews! (GLOMPS) You guys do wonders to my self-confidence, ya know? (grins, and hugs again) Thank you!

Awkay, because I'm seriously running out of time and I bet you'd appreciate getting to the actual story, let's go, shall we? (gulps) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride!

SONG RECOMMENDATION: Seriously, you should listen to Lene Marlin's 'Unforgivable sinner', or at least read the lyrics! It fits this story so well. I put the lyrics underneath this chapter. Do take a look!

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CHAPTER 6 – Lost Souls

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/ _Madison wasn't the kind of a g__irl who cried often. But that late evening she had tears in her eyes as she sat in the upper part of the barn that used to be a place for her and Spencer, not even noticing the darkness around her. The words he'd said to her that day echoed in her ears._

_'_I don't want to be your friend, Madison. So… So leave me alone already._'_

_She couldn't understand it, any of it. She'd thought they'd be best friends for as long as they lived, that he enjoyed her company. Had he lied to her? _

_No. Now that she was starting to calm down she understood that she couldn't believe in Spencer that little. But… Then why…?_

_She shuddered a little when the barn's door opened with a screech and someone started climbing up the ladder to her hiding place. She wiped her cheeks quickly, a hint of a smile appearing to her lips. Maybe Spencer had changed his mind, after all._

_Her happiness was, however, short-lived. Because soon enough she realized that the steps approaching were too sharp and heavy to be Spencer's. She frowned and peered from where she was sitting behind one of the building's support pillars. Her entire body filled with cold when she saw Vincent approaching her, carrying a oil lamp._

_The look in the boy's eyes scared her, although she was a bit too young to understand why. "I thought you'd be here", Vincent stated, stopping only two steps away from her. "I came to make sure you're alright."_

_"I'm fine." Her voice was filled with fear she couldn't hide. She licked her lips, wishing she would've been able to back away from him. "You… You didn't have to come."_

_Vincent frowned. "Why are you scared of me? I've never done anything to hurt you."_

_Her eyes darted towards the empty space behind the older boy, but all she could see was the dark. "Where's Spencer?" There was a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She would've wanted to escape from the situation, but the boy was blocking the only route out._

_"You'll play with me, now." It was a harsh demand, and Vincent's eyes only emphasized the point. The boy grabbed her wrist and pulled her up so harshly that she emitted a cry of pain. "You'll play with me, and we'll have a good time together."_

_Madison still didn't quite know why, but she was scared. More so than ever in her life. "You're hurting me", she half-whimpered, unsuccesfully attempting to pull herself free from the boy's hold. "Let me go, Vincent. Please. I just… I want to go home."_

_Vincent's moves were so fast that she couldn't actually tell what happened. There was sharp pain on the right side of her face, and then she was flying. Madison fell all the way down to the barn's first floor and crashed to the extremely hard stone-floor what felt like miles below. She cried out in pain when she landed, almost losing her consciousness when the leg she landed on unleashed a sickening sound and pain ravished her entire body. There was no way she'd be able to walk now, she was old enough to know that much._

_The pain mixed with cold when she watched how Vincent approached her, the look on his face making her feel colder than ever before. "All I wanted was to play with you. I've seen the way Spencer looks at you – I wanted to feel the same way. But apparently you think you're too good for me. Then so be it." The boy raised the oil lamp and dropped it only four steps away from her. "I'm sick of people like you, Madison." With those words Vincent began to walk away, abandoning her to the fast approaching flames._

_Terror made Madison's eyes widen when she finally realized what was going to happen. "Vincent, please, don't do this! Vincent, help me, please! Help me!"_

_The boy did stop to the barn's doorway, looked at her right into the eyes – and slammed the door closed between them. The sound that soon followed told her that the door had just been bolted. There was no chance of escape for her._

_Her heart pounding painfully Madison looked towards the flames, heard the crackling of fire through the rush of her blood. The barn was full of old hay. Soon the flames would be everywhere._

_It was around then she realized what was about to happen. It was absolutely horrifying for a ten-year-old to realize that she was going to die._

_And at that moment of despair – in her last minutes – she screamed the only name she could think of. "SPENCER!"_

_

* * *

_

_Less than three minutes later Spencer hurried to the scene, limping with the ankle he'd hurt while escaping from the bathroom. The heart-stilling sight he discovered would never, ever leave his worst nightmares._

_The barn where he'd been with Madison so many times… It was on fire – the flames seemed to be everywhere. And Vincent stood a safe distance away, observing the destruction with utterly emotionless eyes._

_And then he heard the screams. "Spencer, help me! SPENCER!"_

_For a long while the terror racing through him stilled Spencer's heart. And then, finally regaining control over his own body, he ran – until Vincent stopped him with wrapping two stone-hard arms around him._

_"What are you doing?" he screamed, struggling against the hold the best as he could. "Maddy… Maddy's going to die! We have to help her! We can't let her die!"_

_"SPENCER!"_

_Vincent looked at him with dangerous, narrowed eyes. The hold on him became so tight that he could barely breathe. "Shut the fuck up", the boy hissed at him._

_"SPENCER! Help me!"_

_Spencer fought with everything there was in him, but Vincent was older and a lot stronger. His efforts were fruitless. Tears ran down his cheeks and blinded him while he could do nothing but listen to Madison's terrified, pained voice screaming his name time and time again._

_And then, so suddenly that Spencer unleashed a weak whimper, she became quiet. The only sounds filling the soon falling night were those of the fire._

_That night a part of Spencer faded to dust with her._ /

* * *

It took a lot longer than Spencer had anticipated before his head cleared, although with the dosage he'd been given he shouldn't have been surprised. As soon as he was fully awake he groaned lightly, a wave of headache swimming in. His body seemed to be shaking uncontrollably and he had a nasty feeling that the drug had quite a bit to do with it.

For some ridiculous reason the first thing he noticed when opening his sore, suspiciously moist eyes was that his shirt had been taken off while he was out cold. His jaw tightened slightly as he felt violated all of a sudden.

What was going on?

"Spencer?" The sound of William's voice actually brought him a hint of comfort. A sharp sound of metal rubbing against metal came when the man attempted to move. "What the hell did he give you? Are you alright?"

Spencer nodded, although he knew the other man wouldn't be able to see it. "I'm fine", he uttered in weak, raspy voice, sounding anything but believable.

There was a long moment of silence as they both tried to clear their thoughts. In the end his father spoke first, his voice low and quiet. "Spencer… What did he mean, when he said you've had… problems with the substance he gave you?"

A jolt of pain shot through Spencer, making his body convulse once or twice. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, embarrassment and intense nausea filling him. "I… I'd rather not talk about it, 'k?"

If William was about to press the matter further he never got the chance to, because just then the room's door opened and Vincent walked in. The man's eyes flashed when they spotted him awake. "Ah, good. I was getting tired of waiting for you to snap out of it."

Spencer blinked once, trying to steel himself for whatever was to come. Gaining a life of its own his gaze traveled – and stopped to a video camera that'd appeared to the tiny room's far corner. At that moment his breath disappeared for several seconds.

"As much fun as I've had with you two, it's getting a bit boring with just the three of us present." Shadows made Vincent's expression appear even more dangerous. "So I decided to… invite more people along."

Spencer's eyes widened when he realized what was going on. "Don't", he half-pleaded, although he knew it was pointless. "Please, leave them out of this."

Vincent gave him a look that spoke louder than any words. "That wouldn't be much fun, would it?" He shuddered when the man's cold fingers brushed his jawline sharply. "They're attached to you, Spencer. You've let them closer than I could've ever imagined you'd dare to, especially after what happened to Madison." The man clicked his tongue. "That was a pretty stupid move. I'll make sure they'll pay a high price for it – and you're going to help me."

Cold spread all the way through Spencer, making it almost impossible to breathe. He opened his mouth, but before he could make a sound the camera was already on.

* * *

Back in the BAU headquarters Penelope was pushing her poor computer to the very extreme while trying to find something – _anything_ – that would've helped them find Spencer. Her eyes stung while she ran a frustrated hand through her by then extremely disheveled hair.

She hadn't felt this helpless even during the entire Tobias Hankel ordeal.

Then, as though things hand't been bad enough already, her computer's screen went completely black.

Penelope's eyes widened while complete, utter terror went through her. This… had happened before. She remembered it all too well.

And then the screen came to life once more, revealing the image of a badly battered, shirtless Spencer Reid. There were so many bruises on him that it made her stomach ache and brought a stinging sensation to her eyes. She would've given _anything_ if she'd been able to erase to look in the brunet's dazed eyes.

What was going on? What had happened to him?

For quite a long time Penelope stopped breathing, and she was fairly sure her heartbeat disappeared as well. It was a miracle she managed to talk. "Guys!" she called out in a badly shaking tone. "You… You need to see this."

* * *

Spencer swallowed thickly. He knew full well he looked horrible. The handling Vincent had given him when taking him from his apartment had made sure of that, and the horrendous dosage of Dilaudid didn't help matters at all. And now… Now his team would have to see him.

Vincent's eyes held no emotion as they focused on the camera. "As you can see Spencer is here with me, alive and well. How long he remains that way is up to you and him." Those chilling eyes turned towards him. "Is there something you'd like to say to your team?"

Something Spencer couldn't even name spun inside him as he stared at the camera, feeling numb and lightheaded. His licked his lips before speaking in a voice he barely recognized. "I… I'm fine, okay?" He hoped dearly he looked at least a bit more convincing than he sounded. He swallowed, his throat feeling dry and sore all of a sudden. "I'm fine, so you don't have to worry about me. I can take this, okay? Just stay away. I can take this." Oh, how he wished he would've been able to believe those words…

Vincent snorted, rolling his eyes. "You've never been much of a liar, midget. But, since you so boldly declared you can take this…" The man revealed the dangerously sharp knife he'd been holding, a chilling look appearing into his eyes. Torturously slow steps approached him. "Let's give it a little test."

Spencer steeled himself with a quick, deep breath that made him feel dizzy and prepared himself for absolutely anything.

He should've known he couldn't have prepared himself for Vincent. Because just then the knife penetrated the skin of his chest and stomach, once, twice, thrice.

Spencer had been shot and tortured in the past. But this… This was something else. The searing pain spread absolutely everywhere inside him, ravished his body without a hint of mercy. If he hadn't known better he would've been sure he was torn to pieces.

He managed to fight it for a remarkably long time. But eventually his lips parted and a scream crawled through his painfully tight throat.

He couldn't tell how many cuts Vincent made, as though creating a map to his skin. Blood sped downwards on his skin, but he was in no condition to worry about the amount. All he could focus on was the pain and the prayer that the torment would be over soon – whether it was because of Vincent having enough, he passing out or he dying he didn't care. He just wanted the knife away from his skin.

Another scream he didn't even notice erupted from his mouth, but this time the sound that came was a lot quieter, exhausted.

And then it was over. Spencer's line of vision narrowed and blurred threateningly while he watched how Vincent turned away from him and made his way to the camera. "I hope you enjoyed the show, because there'll be more to come soon enough. Now hurry and find us. Spencer here is waiting for you."

Spencer's heart took a leap he didn't like at all and his mouth went completely dry. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that he would've been able to reassure the team, that he would've managed to tell them he was going to be okay. But there was absolutely no strength, let alone voice, left in him anymore.

His world faded into dark while Vincent turned off the camera.

* * *

Once he was finished Vincent first turned towards Spencer, and took a long moment to memorize the wounds and blood.

He was very, very pleased with these new marks he'd left on his brother.

Deciding that there wasn't much he could do before Spencer woke up Vincent walked towards their father. The sight he met made something shudder pleasantly inside him.

Throughout the whole ordeal William hadn't said a thing, hadn't uttered a sound. Even now he didn't have to because the way his whole body was shaking and the tears rolling down his pale, bruised cheeks spoke loudly enough.

Vincent smiled, the room's shadows once again looming in his eyes.

It looked like he was progressing just fine.

* * *

Gathered to Penelope's computer the entire team was completely, utterly silent for the longest time as they stared at the once again black screen. Disbelief, terror and wrath mixed together, swelling in each of them until they could barely contain it.

And then a single, almost soundless sob broke the suffocating silence.

It took a lot more than Emily had expected to tear her eyes away from the screen, towards Penelope. The blonde's body shook while she wiped her cheek, visibly fighting against another sob and tears. "'Sorry", the usually bubbly woman uttered uncharacteristically quietly.

Emily wished she could've said it was okay, that everything was going to be alright. But she couldn't find her voice – perhaps it had gotten lost into Spencer's screams.

David's eyes were slightly wider than usual while he kept staring at the screen, placing one hand to Penelope's shoulder.

Jason looked just about ready to throw up as he squeezed the back of Penelope's chair, and Emily felt deep sympathy for him. He'd only just come back, and Spencer was almost like a son to him. She couldn't even imagine what this all must've felt like to him.

The loud crash startled them all. Turning her gaze Emily discovered that Derek had almost taken down the door while leaving the room – his fist had left a mark on the door. This time she didn't even think about moving to follow him.

And then it was completely silent once more. It wasn't until then Emily was forced to focus on herself and realized that she was shivering like a leaf. She wiped her stinging eyes and didn't realize until then that they were moist.

Spencer had been in a lot of tight spots. But she'd never dreaded actually losing him like now. The fear wrapped around her stomach like a icy fist.

Nothing in the room moved an inch before Aaron turned all of a sudden and made his way to the room's door with loud, extremely sharp steps. It was easy to hear and even feel the boiling underneath the unit chief's skin.

David frowned, finally snapping out of his trance. "What…?"

"I've got a phone call to make", Aaron cut the older man short. There was a hazardous edge in the man's voice that sent chills down Emily's spine. "Let me know if there's another broadcast." Without any further explanation he disappeared from the room.

For a while they all stared at the door, shock amusingly visible in their eyes. But soon enough their gazes began straying towards the computer's screen although they feared what they'd see.

At the moment all they could do was wait for another broadcast to appear, although they had no idea how they'd be able to watch it. And they didn't know how much more Spencer would be able to take. How bad condition was he in after what they'd just seen?

They just hoped, prayed, that they weren't too late already.

* * *

"Spencer."

He frowned, unwilling to emerge from the dreamless gray hue.

"Spencer, wake up." This time the voice came to his ears a lot more clearly. And once again he was forced to wake up to the reality at hand.

He opened his eyes slowly, unwillingly, and immediately winced at the intense ache that seemed to attack him from every imaginable direction.

William must've felt him shudder, because there was a clear touch of worry in the man's voice. "Are… you okay? What did he do to you?"

Feeling a lot more dizzy than he would've liked Spencer looked downwards, although a voice in the back of his head reminded him that it was a huge mistake. His stomach shifted uncomfortably when he saw all the blood on his still bare skin and on the floor below. He also saw all the wounds on his upper body. Most of them appeared so deep that they would've needed stitches.

He bit back a groan when headache also swam in as a nasty aftershock of Dilaudid. At around the same time nausea crept up to his throat, and he would've most likely thrown up if he hadn't swallowed hard. "I'm okay." His voice was raspy but at least not frail. That was a pleasant surprise. He was utterly relieved his father couldn't see the pain in his eyes. "Just… a bit sore." After about five seconds of sullen silence his voice worked free of his active consciousness. "What… about you? Are you okay?"

For a moment William was stunned to silence until there was a extremely bitter, brief chuckle that sounded suspiciously moist. "I… I just listened to you screaming – I… I thought he was going to…!" There was a long pause before his father continued. Spencer hoped dearly it wasn't tears he heard in the man's voice. "So no, I'm not okay."

Spencer's lips opened, but in the end he didn't manage to push out whatever had been building up in his mind. Instead he let his exhausted eyes close although he knew it was a huge mistake.

He didn't know how long he'd been drifting somewhere between awareness, sleep and unconsciousness – seconds, minutes, perhaps even hours – until William's voice pulled him firmly back to the present. "You… know the statistics, right?" His father sounded exhausted. "What… are our chances of getting out of here?"

Whether he wanted to or not Spencer knew the bitter number. He grit his teeth together tightly and lifted his gaze towards the ceiling although he could barely see it in the nearly dark room. A part of him noted that his body was becoming numb and he welcomed the change even though his reason screamed that it couldn't be a good thing.

He was most likely about to slip back into gray until William spoke all of a sudden. "Spencer… I'm so sorry that I left you and Diana." The man swallowed so loudly that he heard it. "I… I had to make sure they'd have Vincent locked up, that he'd never hurt you again. The trial… It took so long – I thought it'd never end. And… When I could've returned I just… I just couldn't. I didn't know how to be your father anymore after failing you so badly. I couldn't just go come back and look at you in the eyes. It was easier to take coward's way out."

Spencer's eyes stung hellishly. He would've liked to blame it on the room's stuffy air. "Why… are you telling me this now?"

He wished it wasn't a sob he heard. "Because… Because in case we're not making it out of here I… I want you to know that you're the most important thing to me in this entire world."

All of a sudden Spencer's throat was completely blocked and words disappeared from his head. The stinging of his eyes intensified, forcing him to blink furiously. His mouth opened, but in the end he couldn't come up with anything to say.

And then there was no time to say anything. Because just then the room's door opened and Vincent entered. Shadows seemed to dance around his brother when the man approached them. "Time for the second show", Vincent announced in a chilling, almost purring voice.

* * *

It was already night when Aaron eventually re-entered the room where they'd watched helplessly how Spencer was tortured. His head hurt and anger tingled everywhere in his body as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Unlike most people probably thought Aaron wasn't a particularly patient man. And he'd never been tried as hard as he was during the phone call he had a while ago.

His already agonizingly tense muscles stiffened even further when he realized that he wasn't alone in the room. Turning his gaze towards the faint noises he fought back a sigh at what he found.

Jason was sitting before the computer, the nearly unbearable footage of Spencer still rolling on the screen. Every single trace of pain on the brunet's face, all those cuts… Aaron had to use his all to maintain his composure, and he could tell Jason wasn't doing any better.

"Vincent… made sure we had a recording. That we'd be able to watch this over and over again. I've been watching this in hopes of finding some sort of a clue, but so far I've come up with nothing." There were so many undertones in the man's voice that it was impossible to name them all. As the video finally ended Jason rubbed his face with one hand, clearly exhausted. There was a pause. "I told the others to go and get some rest, though I'm pretty sure they won't be getting any sleep."

Aaron nodded. He had to wait for a couple of seconds before he dared to trust his voice enough to speak. "I just got a hold of Alyssa Perabo, Vincent's doctor in Valley of Ataraxia. She wasn't happy about talking to me." That was quite a understatement. It'd taken all his persuation skills and professionalism to coax her into talking without snarling or threatening her with violence. "She told me that those in charge of the hospital like to pretend Vincent doesn't exist. But he's extremely dangerous. The day he escaped he injured himself badly enough to be sent to a local hospital's ER. As soon as he got there he killed one of the hospital's nurses as well as the security guard escorting him, and took the guard's gun."

Jason finally looked at him. The man's eyes were filled with a mixture of emotions. "So he's armed and dangerous?"

Aaron nodded grimly. He didn't like the thought any more than Jason did. The doctor had told him that charges would be pressed against the hospital's management for how they'd handled the situation. But that wouldn't do anything to help Spencer. "She also told me that Vincent had access to a computer. Apparently he caught a night nurse stealing the hospital's medicine and blackmailed the nurse into letting him use the staff's computer. It wasn't until after his escape they found out Vincent is a extremely skilled hacker – he was taught by a fellow patient and internet. He'd been gathering information on Reid and his father for four months." It took a full minute before he managed to talk once more, feeling a ton's weight sitting on his shoulders. "I tried to contact William Reid to warn him, but apparently he's gone missing."

Jason frowned. "Do you think Vincent has him?"

Aaron nodded. It wasn't only a likely option – he was sure of it.

Silence filled the room as they both stared at the screen, their eyes locking unwillingly to the final image before the video-clip ended. Spencer was barely conscious, bleeding and clearly in a lot of pain. And there was nothing they could do to help him.

It was the utter helplessness that got to Aaron the most. Nothing was worse than not being able to do a thing.

"He's been through so much already." It sounded like Jason had been talking more to himself than him. There was a distant look in the man's eyes. "How much more of this can he take before we'll lose him completely?"

Aaron was about to respond when the computer suddenly gained a life of its own. What appeared to the screen made them feel unbearably cold all over.

Spencer was sitting in a different chair this time, in the middle of the tiny cell they'd seen during the first broadcast. His feet had been put into a metallic bucket that was full of water. The young man seemed to be shaking, and all three of them knew exactly what was going to happen.

Aaron shivered a little against his will when Vincent appeared to the screen with two wires that were crackling with electricity. "_Are you ready for the second show?_" The man's eyes were some of the most threatening things Aaron had ever seen. "_We'll see how much longer Spencer will beg you to stay away…_"

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh crap… (winces) That Vincent guy is getting really, REALLY annoying. And poor Reid, it looks like things are only going downhill for him! (growls)

Awkay, I've gotta start tuning out.

**PLEASE**, leave a review to let me know how you found the chapter! Was it any good, at all? (gives puppy's eyes) Awww, c'mon, you know I love hearing from you guys, and that 'review' button down below is very, very alluring… (winks) You can bash Vincent if you like.

IN THE NEXT ONE: As Vicent's torment continues Spencer is pushed to the very extreme. The team can do nothing but watch as Vincent goes what's perhaps too far. Just as they're about to lose hope they receive a clue that sends them to motion, unaware of the unpleasant surprise waiting for them. It's a race against time, and not everyone comes out alive.

Until next time, folks – I really hope I'll meet ya all then!

Take care!

* * *

**_Lene Marlin – 'Unforgivable sinner'_**

Kinda lose your sense of time  
'Cause the days don't matter no more  
All the feelings that you hide  
Gonna tear you up inside  
You hope she knows you tried

Follows you around all day  
And you wake up soaking wet  
'Cause between this world and eternity  
There is a face you hope to see

You know where you've sent her  
You sure know where you are  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
Unforgivable Sinner

You've been walking around in tears  
No answers are there to get  
You won't ever be the same  
Someone cries and you're to blame

Struggling with a fight inside  
Sorrow you'll defeat  
The picture you see it won't disappear  
Not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear

You know where you've sent her  
You sure know where you are  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
Unforgivable Sinner

Maybe one time lost  
But now you're found  
Stand right up before  
You hit the ground  
Maybe one time lost  
But now you're found  
Stand right up before  
You hit the ground - hit the ground

You know where you've sent her  
You sure know where you are  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
And now she's up there  
Sings like an angel  
Unforgivable sinner

* * *

**rotten little rat**: (just to make sure you get this response I'm responding this way)

I'm very happy to hear you'd been waiting for my update! (beams)

We'll see what happens next… (rubs hands together) But sending Vincent go gaboom… Ah, now there's a fantastic idea! (nods furiously)

Massive thank yous for the review!

* * *

**lolyncut**: Why indeed! (winces) Poor Reid, no?

Reid death is the worst, hmm? (scratches chin, musing) Weeeelll, we'll see where the story goes. But let's hope not there, no? He'd deserve to be happy.

Colossal thank yous for the review!

* * *

**pottyandweezlbe89**: I'm thrilled to hear you've enjoyed the journey thus far! (beams) 'Hope you'll have as good of a time with the next one(s)…

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


	7. Shocks to the System

A/N: Heh, guess who's back with a yet another chapter? (grins) For once I've managed to keep up regular updates! This story's seriously got a hold of me. (smirks sheepishly)

BUT, before getting to chapter seven… THANK YOU, so much, for all those unbelievable reviews! (GLOMPS) Damn, how good it feels to know there are so many of you eager to read more of this. So thank you!

Awkay, before I write a mile-long author's note let's get going, no? (chews lower lip) I really hope you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

CHAPTER 7 – Shocks to the System

* * *

/ _Jason Gideon hated trials from the bottom of his heart. But that day of late winter he decided to make an exception and participate one willingly. This time he had a very good reason to._

_As soon as he entered a long hallway he saw Spencer Reid sitting there, all alone on a hopelessly long wooden bench. The child's eyes were stern and filled with intense fear but nonetheless he sat still, clearly using all his willpower to keep himself from running away._

_Jason swallowed down a sigh before making his way to the boy. Spencer shuddered a bit with startle when hearing his steps, then gave him a nod of acknowledgement. "They said I wouldn't need to do this, but I have to. For Madison." It was easy to notice how hard saying her name still was to him. The child looked away. __"I… __I'm the only one who saw the whole thing. I… I still remember everything, so I have to do this."_

_Jason felt a twitch in his chest. It was a small miracle it didn't show on his face. "Madison would be proud of you."_

_Spencer looked at him with clearly visible disbelief. "You think so?"_

_He nodded. "Yeah, kid. I'm sure." He then searched through his pockets before finding a recent purchase. It was a chocolate bar, which he handed towards the child. "You've… been very, very brave. I think you deserve a reward", he explained when seeing the child's shocked expression._

_Spencer was hesitant at first, but then accepted the offering gratefully. "Thank you."_

_He grinned faintly, sitting down while the child started eating the treat as though he hadn't seen food in months. "You're welcome."_

_For a while it was perfectly silent until Spencer spoke. "Agent Gideon?"_

_He glanced towards the boy. "Hmm?"_

_For the first time Jason saw the tiniest of smiles on Spencer's face. It was barely visible but still a start. "Thank you, for coming. You didn't have to."_

_Jason smiled although sadness formed a ball into his stomach. He couldn't resist the temptation to ruffle Spencer's hair, and noticed with heartache how the child tensed up to the touch. How often was the kid touched without ill intent? "No problem, kid. And let's agree that it's just Gideon, okay?" Just then he noticed William Reid from the corner of his eye and sighed audibly. It was time. "Now let's go so you can get this over with."_

_Later Jason mused that he should've known right there and then that the nightmare was far from over._

_Because the thing about real life's monsters he didn't learn until later, was that they always come back._ /

* * *

While bracing himself the only thing Spencer actually registered of his body was that he was shaking violently. He couldn't feel the cold water caressing his feet anymore, nor did he feel the metal chaining his wrists. Perhaps that was a good thing.

Numbness, at least, was a lot better option than what he'd soon face.

Vincent stood so close to him that he could hear the man's chillingly steady and even breathing. It seemed to take ages before his brother finally spoke, whispering to his ear in a voice that reminded him of a lurking snake. "I want you to remember that poem mom read sometimes when she was well enough."

Spencer swallowed thickly, feeling how his pupils dilated the same speed his heartbeat sped up. Quite a unfortunate time to for his body to start feeling again. "What… are you talking about?"

His answer most certainly didn't please Vincent. He saw a hazardous flash in the man's eyes before the wires connected with his skin.

Spencer felt like he'd been set on fire. The pain… It was unbelievable, and he was almost sure he stopped breathing for a while as electricity shot through his whole body without a hint of mercy. His lips opened, but he didn't have any voice for screaming.

For a moment haze swam to his view until a sharp slap to his face brought him back to awareness. Vincent's eyes were pure lava as they look right into his. "Don't… fuck with me, Spencer. I'm in no mood for playing around."

Spencer swallowed thickly, still feeling out of breath. "Yes", he managed in a voice that barely carried to Vincent's ears. "I… I remember." _Of course I do._

Vincent gave him a smile that stilled his blood for a microsecond. "Good. 'Riddle' from Tenis Paschal is a excellent piece of poetry. It would've been a shame if you'd forgotten." The man glanced towards the camera. "Besides, I have a feeling that they'd love to hear it. I'm sure they'd appreciate good poetry."

Spencer had never, ever felt so many things at the same time. He swallowed once more, feeling his wrists twitch several times.

He knew exactly what Vincent was expecting him to do. And he also knew that he'd never forgive himself if he'd do it.

This time he knew to expect the jolt, which only intensified the pain coursing through his system. He might've unleashed a barely audible whimper, but it could've as well been his imagination. He clenched his eyes tightly shut and grit his teeth together when the pain didn't seem to go away. Apparently he bit his lip or tongue along the way, because the sickening taste of blood filled his mouth.

If he passed out he'd never find out, but he didn't manage to force his eyes halfway open until Vincent grabbed his chin so hard that it almost damaged the bone. The man was clearly on the very edge of losing it – Spencer didn't dare to even think what'd happen next. "Tell them…", Vincent hissed in a extremely dangerous tone, the hold on his face tightening still. "… or I'll have to squeeze the words out of you. Do not make me result to harder measures."

A part of Spencer felt like snorting at that. 'Harder measures'? But as it was he had to focus all his energy into shaking his head faintly. "I'm not… letting you kill them."

At first Vincent's eyes flashed in a way that made Spencer sure that the man was going to kill him right there and then. But then chilling, treacherous peacefulness swam in. "Alright, Spencer. The choice is yours. Just remember this…" Once more the man leaned closer to his ear, hissed into it so that shivers went all the way to his spine. "This was your one last chance to make their death at least a little bit more pleasant, and you wasted it. Whatever happens to them from now on is your doing."

Spencer opened his mouth, but never got the chance to speak a word. Because just then the third electric shock attacked his body, soon followed by two or three more.

His system had already been on the verge of crashing under the torment it'd been through. And this time he couldn't take it.

Spencer was fairly sure he heard a scream – his own or perhaps William's he couldn't tell. It could've been both of them. For a while he could've even sworn he heard the members of his team and Madison.

He also thought he heard Vincent's voice. "Keep in mind what I always told you when we were children", Vincent spoke in a sickeningly sweet, soft tone. "A fear violates. We're not kids anymore – accept the inevitable like a man."

For a little bit longer there was pain when more electricity came, bringing such agony that almost tore him to shreds. And then absolutely everything disappeared.

* * *

Jason's former assumption had been the correct one. The team hadn't been able to get any sleep – apparently they hadn't even left the headquarters. And just as the second broadcast began Derek entered the room. Jason and Aaron had never seen the kind of a nearly primal look that appeared to the dark-skinned man's eyes. In a matter of moments the entire team was there, as though alarmed by some joined consciousness, watching remarkably bravely although the events on the screen were the last thing they wanted to look at.

They watched, all the way to the very last electric shock.

When the torture ended everything was utterly still and quiet as they stared at the screen with horrified, disbelieving eyes.

Not knowing exactly what had happened was the worst part. They just saw how Spencer went perfectly limp on his chair. It was impossible to tell if he was breathing anymore. If he was even alive anymore.

They all feared even the mere thought, but they couldn't help wondering how anyone could be alive after a handling like that.

"Wake up." It took a while before they realized that the barely audible words had been hissed by Derek. The man's eyes were suspiciously moist as they remained rooted to the screen, hanging on to the sight as though grasping on a lifeline. "Open your eyes, kid. C'mon."

On the screen Vincent stared at Spencer's unmoving form with his back to them, the man's entire body turning as stiff as that of a wild animal planning its attack. The hissed out words barely reached their ears. "_No. You're not getting away this easily._"

Penelope unleashed a unidentifiable sound when Vincent knocked over the chair so hard that it almost broke down, then jumped smoothly to Spencer. They watched with numbing anxiety as the older brother began to perform CPR.

Unable to keep watching the sickening display for another second Derek closed his eyes, feeling strangely like he'd been drowning. He held his breath while waiting. And for the first time in ages he found himself praying.

"Look!" The voice could've been Penelope's, but it was nearly impossible to recognize. "Is he…?" The rest faded away.

Slowly, unwilling to face whatever was to come, Derek opened his eyes. Air rushed back into him with such speed that almost crushed him when he took in what was happening on the screen.

Spencer… He was coughing and gasping. He was alive.

Derek gasped as well, starting to shake in the aftershock of a adrenaline storm. He was incredibly grateful that there was a chair before him so he could lean on to it.

Vincent looked at Spencer for a moment with a extremely cold, threatening look in his eyes before focusing on the camera once more. "_See? He's still alive. But my patience is running out. For Spencer's sake I hope you'll get here soon._" With those words the camera was turned off and they were left into the dark.

For the longest time none of them spoke – they simply weren't able to.

In the end Emily was the first one of them able to form words, although her voice was far from the usual. "Tenis Paschal… I… I've read that poem, 'Riddle'. Reid recommended it." She swallowed and blinked furiously, but her eyes remained moist. "Paschal didn't write it. Richard Wilbur did."

Derek frowned, his tangled thoughts refusing to clear. "Vincent wouldn't have made such a mistake."

"He didn't." There was a stern, stiff look on Aaron's face as he stared at the black screen. They could all tell how close to cracking his stoic mask was. "He's trying to tell us something."

Without saying a word Penelope took a piece of paper and wrote down every single letter of the false name. They stared at the outcome in a sullen silence. It was deffinitely a anagram.

Every single one of them came across the same thought.

Spencer would've solved the riddle in a flash.

* * *

When Spencer woke up he felt like he'd been torn apart. His chest and head hurt so badly that for a moment he was sure he'd go right back under. But then a mental snapshot of his team went through his head and his eyes flew wide open. The moment his still cloudy mind registered what he was seeing his whole body filled with ice.

Vincent was sitting almost right before him, only a step or two away. And on the chair before his brother sat William, with Vincent holding a knife tightly on the older man's neck.

A tiny, distant part of Spencer noted that the terror and bruises on his father's face would probably never fade from his mind. Nor would the dangerous look on Vincent's face.

Vincent's eyes flashed in the room's dim light when they met his. "Will you do exactly as I say this time, or do I have to use him to convince you? The choice is yours." To emphasize his point the man moved the knife on William's neck. The older man gave a small cry of pain when the blade cut a nasty wound to his skin.

Spencer squeezed his eyes tightly shut, feeling like he'd been hit by a sledgehammer. "Stop it!" His voice shook pitiably along with his body. He licked his lips, hoping with his all that wasn't making the biggest mistake of his entire life. "Just… Just stop it."

For a moment it was ominously silent. Just as Spencer opened his eyes Vincent was stood right beside him. Spencer felt another wave of cold panic when seeing the needle and vial his brother was holding.

This time the dosage was even bigger. Almost enough to…

Their eyes met, speaking far more loudly than any words could've. No words would've done any difference. Spencer could only watch when Vincent began to prepare the injection.

"You're going to kill him!" William cried out, his voice filled with unshed tears. Spencer didn't look but heard how the man fought violently against his restraints. "Leave him alone, do you hear me! I'm not letting you…!"

Once again Vincent moved with the speed of a feral animal. Before William could flinch or utter a sound there was a knife placed firmly to the man's leg. "There's a very, very large vein right below this blade", Vincent hissed with a chilling look on his face. "If you don't shut the fuck up I'll cut right down. And then I'll kill that golden boy of yours. Do we understand each other?"

William's eyes were filled with barely controllable rage while the man nodded stiffly. Despite the lack of light Spencer could see how his father trembled under a surge of emotions.

Vincent gave a smile that would've made anyone shudder. "Good. I'm glad we reached an understanding. Now…" The man's eyes turned towards him. "Let's get back to the business. And it wouldn't be wise to disturb me – I think we all know how dangerous a overdose could be."

At very least Vincent was fast. Spencer barely realized what was happening before the needle already punctured his skin and the substance made its way to his blood. He felt a cool brush of terror while wondering what such a dosage would do to him. But then the drug swept him into its firm hold and he couldn't worry about anything anymore.

* * *

When Penelope's journey to the toilet had taken fifteen minutes Emily followed Derek's soundless request and went to look for her. She found Penelope washing her badly trembling hands. Judging by how much foam there was in the sink the woman had already repeated the action several times.

At first Penelope jumped with startle when hearing the sounds she made, then spoke before she could utter a word. "Did you solve the anagram?"

Emily swallowed, unable to get rid of the horrible taste that seemed to be stuck in her throat. "We… We're trying."

Penelope nodded, visibly focusing on breathing.

Emily also took a deep breath, hoping dearly that her voice wouldn't break as badly as she feared when she attempted talking. "We'll get him back, you know?" She folded her arms to her chest as though attempting to shield herself. "We're going to find him, and bring him home. Reid's strong – he'll hang on long enough."

Penelope nodded again, wiping her cheeks with shaky movements. "Yeah, I know, I know. I just…" The woman gave her a tiny, feeble smile. "I really suck at this part."

Emily did her best to give a smile of her own, but she had a feeling that what appeared was closer to a grimace. "So do I."

All of a sudden Penelope's face turned completely pale and the woman's eyes widened several sizes. She spoke, mostly to herself, just before Emily would've gotten the chance to ask what was wrong. "I… I can't believe I forgot…!" And then she was running, so fast that Emily had hard time following.

* * *

"Spencer."

His eyelids twitched but refused to open. The light-colored hue had been so comforting – Spencer didn't feel ready to let go of it just yet.

"Spencer, open your eyes." The voice made it impossible to resist. "That's right. Open your eyes and look at me."

At first Spencer's vision was too blurry to make out anything but some sort of a figure standing before him. But then he was looking at a very familiar face.

A light gasp broke through Spencer's lips while he blinked furiously. "Mom…?" A part of him tried to scream that this couldn't be real, that he shouldn't trust what he was seeing. But his mother's eyes…

Diana Reid smiled, brushing his face with a gentle hand. "Hey." She looked directly at his eyes while kneeling to his level. "I was… trying to remember a poem. Could you help me? It's called 'Riddle'." She frowned, trying to remember. "I think it started a bit like this… '_Where far in forest I am laid, In a place ringed around by stones_…'"

Of course Spencer remembered. He'd heard that poem a million times. His mouth worked free of his will. '_Look for no melancholy shade, And have no thoughts of buried bones_…'"

Diana nodded and smiled. "That's right – I knew you'd remember." She went on after thinking for a moment. " '_For I am bodiless and bright, And fill this glade with sudden glow_…'"

Spencer closed his eyes, feeling drowsy. It was so very hard to stay awake… He barely registered that he pronounced the final lines of the poem. " '_The leaves are washed in under-light, Shade lies upon the boughs like snow_…'" And for some reason he felt close to tears. It felt like he'd just made a huge, unforgivable mistake.

He just wanted to sleep…

Diana ran a hand through his hair but he didn't have the energy to look at her. "Thank you, Spencer. You did well."

Spencer's entire awareness was wiped away while he drifted away once more.

In reality Vincent looked at Spencer with a small, icy smile on his face.

So Spencer had seen Diana in his drugged hallucination? That'd been a very, very pleasant coincidence.

It was time to finish the preparations.

He gave a one more fed up look towards heavily unconscious Spencer before walking to the camera that'd been attached to a laptop. With a perfectly steady hand he took out a disc and wrinkled his nose at it.

He didn't appreciate relying solely on recordings – live broadcasts always added a special touch – but this one had been necessary.

Now he'd make sure Spencer's team would catch the bait and swallow it.

* * *

Penelope and Emily made their way back to Penelope's computer, nearly startling the rest of the team. "I just… I remembered something", the computer wizard answered the confused looks sent her way, her fingers flying on the keyboard. "I can't believe this didn't cross my mind before!"

Exchanging curious looks the rest of them inched closer and blinked with surprise when noticing that Penelope had found a online anagram server. "I didn't know something like that even exists", David murmured.

Penelope swallowed thickly, her typing slowing down a little when her fingers started to shake. "Since… we don't have Reid, this is the next best thing."

She typed in the words and they all stiffened while she began to scan through the results. She didn't stop before Jason's unexpectedly sharp command. "Wait." He pointed at the screen, towards certain words.

Emily frowned. " 'Chapels saint'?" Then, quickly, she corrected herself. " 'Saint's chapel'."

Before they had time to process the information any further the sounds of approaching steps interrupted them. Looking over her shoulder Emily saw the building's security guard, a almost albino man of her age with extremely sharp features. "Some homeless man left this for you – he said some idiot paid him forty dollars for the delivery." The guard offered them a disc. "It's been examined. There shouldn't be any threat."

Aaron nodded with a frown on his face, accepting the offering. "Thank you."

Coming to a conclusion that his job was done the guard turned and walked away. As soon as he'd left Aaron looked towards the team. "If you don't want to watch this…"

Derek interrupted the unit chief with a firm shake of head. "This team's a family, okay? Whatever Reid is going through, we'll face it as such. Just put on the disc."

They all nodded in agreement.

Aaron inserted the disc, and from thereon they could only watch.

Spencer didn't seem to be in any pain, but that was pretty much where the good news ended. He'd been drugged, so heavily that he imagined his mother instead of Vincent before him. It was clear to them all that Spencer wouldn't be able to take his brother's handling much longer in his current condition.

But then, simultaneously, their attention was caught by the poem.

"He's calling us into a forest", David noted, wrapping his arms around himself. "And he wanted Spencer to deliver the invitation."

"He also hinted towards a burial ground." Aaron's eyes swept towards Penelope, who barely managed to keep her emotions in control. "Garcia, how many chapels are there inside or nearby a forest?"

Penelope blinked furiously but eventually managed to get to work. "Three match the decription", she half-whispered.

Aaron looked at the rest of them. "This is most likely a trap. It's extremely dangerous to play by his rules like this."

Derek's eyes narrowed while he squeezed the chair beside him so hard it hurt. "So what?" he snarled through grit teeth, looking at every member of the team. "We're not going to give up, not now that we've finally got something to work on!"

Emily nodded. There was a stern look in her eyes that held some hope for the first time since Spencer's kidnapping. Jason also nodded, meeting Derek's eyes. For the first time since the man's return there was full understanding between them.

At the moment there was only one thing that mattered.

Aaron looked towards Penelope once more. This time his eyes couldn't quite hide what was spinning inside him. "You and Gideon stay here, try to find more clues. If there's another broadcast or delivery call us immediately."

Penelope's eyes appeared suspiciously moist but the tears didn't fall yet. "We will. Now go and bring Reid home, 'k?" Her tone was nothing short of pleading.

Derek hoped that he would've been able to say something, anything, to comfort her. But as it was no words came to his mind, and he had a feeling no words would even be enough before Spencer was safe and sound. So instead he gave her shoulder a brief squeeze, then turned and began to walk away, working his hardest not to look back on the still black computer screen.

None of them spoke a word as they went.

They were rushing after a fool's hope. But it was also the only hope they had.

* * *

Spencer woke up to a world of pain. His old bruises, wounds and injuries all seemed to hurt at once, and his head ached more than ever in his life. It took a extremely long moment before he managed to reach full awareness, let alone open his eyes.

When his eyes did open the first thing he saw was Vincent, sitting on a chair some steps away from him. The look on the man's face was such he'd never seen before, full of eerie calmness. "I'm glad you finally read that poem. Pushing you was becoming very irritating."

Spencer swallowed, cold taking over all of him. The last time he felt such fear was when Madison…

Vincent leaned forward, effectively cutting his trail of thought. "I wonder if you still remember that old chapel where mom once ran to, when she had one of her worst… episodes. I think you were five at the time." There was a brief pause. "You and dad were both so damn scared and worried. I couldn't understand why – if she wanted to disappear, kill herself or whatever she was about to do, who were we to stop her? I was bored and pissed off, at least until we actually found her." There was a strange, distant look in Vincent's eyes, as though he'd slipped out of the time and place at hand. "This chapel… It seemed to speak to me – it called me. I think that already that day, I knew it'd come to this. I knew I'd finish things with you here." Vincent pulled something from underneath the chair and showed it to him like it'd been a great treasure. "This is a fire bomb. I made it myself – it was ridiculously easy to find instructions for making these things. And this will go off as soon as your team enters the building. And I'll make sure you get to watch the entire thing." The man flashed him one of those devilish little grins. "We won't die, this basement is as good as a air-raid shelter. After all, I don't want to finish you off before you get to see the team go up in flames. Just like Madison did."

Spencer was fairly sure Vincent kept talking but he caught none of it. None of his mind worked properly.

The team was coming. After that poem he was sure of it. And there was nothing he could do to stop them.

_No._ He wouldn't give up. He couldn't let fate repeat itself – this time around he _would _find a way to help.

He just hoped he'd manage to do so before it was too late. Because if he knew the team at all time was running out.

* * *

TBC.

* * *

A/N: Oh boy…! Looks like things are getting even messier, huh? (winces)

**PLEASE**, leave a review to let me know what you thought of this chapter! Was it a decent ride, or something that should be deleted immediately? I've got pribe-cookies waiting for you – and some muffins for those who want to join Vincent's hate-club! (grins)

Oh yes, and A LITTLE CONTEST! There's another anagram hidden in Vincent's words in this chapter. The one who manages to pinpoint where it's hidden (note, you don't necessarily have to solve it) gets a reward (yeah, seriously!).

IN THE NEXT ONE: While the team is closing in on the correct spot and Vincent is finishing his preparations Reid comes to a conclusion that time is running out. Who reaches their goal first? It all comes close to a end with a blast… The story continues in chapter eight, 'Ashes to Ashes...'.

Until next time, folks – I hope you'll all stay tuned for that one!

Peace out!

(RANDOM NOTE… A while ago I had this 'CM' related dream – proves that I'm writing too damn much fanfiction… (smirks sheepishly) People had been murdered, and the only remaining witness was a little girl. At the same time Reid came to a conclusion that something was very, very wrong with him. And to his horror he realized that this time HE was the UnSub – the were flashbacks of him murdering all those people. Just then the girl was brought to the BAU-headquarters, and she was very happy to be in a safe place. She went around the corner, and saw Reid. I can still picture the look of terror that appeared to her face. (shudders) Creepy, huh? I wanted to share that one with fellow 'CM' fans.)

* * *

**lolyjncut**: (chuckles) I must say, you were very, very convincing. We'll see if enough so to save poor Reid…

BUT, gosh, I'm grinning at my laptop when hearing that you've enjoyed the story so far THAT much! I really hope the rest won't disappoint you, either.

Colossal thank yous for the review!


	8. Ashes to Ashes…

A/N: Gah, I know that it took longer than usual but this chapter turned out to be a bit of a problem-child. Plus I've had a HUGE workload with my thesis. (pouts) So not fun, let me tell you.

BUT, huge thank yous for those reviews! They've seriously helped this story float through some HUGE rocks, you know? (HUGS) So thank you!

Awkay, because I've already kept you waiting… (swallows thickly) Let's go! I REALLY hope this one turns out worth the wait.

* * *

CHAPTER 8 – Ashes to Ashes…

* * *

/ _Spencer could easily determine that the day Madison died was the worst day in his entire life. And the day of her funeral wasn't much better._

_Spencer knew it was mostly just his imagination, but he could've sworn he felt the other guests looking at him with judgemental, disgusted eyes. He was sure that in their eyes he was one of the biggest reasons to her death._

_At least Spencer himself thought so._

_His mother was too sick to attend to the ceremony as his support, but William Reid stood behind him as he stared at the cold, hard tombstone before him. Brightly shining sun made the huge tears on his cheeks shine._

_He didn't know how long he'd stood there when he jumped upon feeling a touch on his shoulder. "She loved you very, very much, Spencer. You were lucky to have a special friend like her", William stated softly. "And she was lucky to have a friend like you."_

_Spencer frowned, futilely trying to wipe his cheeks. The moisture came right back. "What are you talking about?" His voice a lot louder than he'd intended. He couldn't rip his gaze away from the stone. "She… She died because she was my friend."_

_William sighed loudly. "Spencer, look at me." Not giving him the chance to object the man forced him to turn so that their eyes met. "Her death was not your fault, okay? If she was here she'd tell you that as well. You did everything you could to protect her."_

_Spencer swallowed, his eyes stinging so badly that he had to squint them a little. "Yeah, I guess."_

_William smiled a bit sadly. "Trust me, Madison knows how much she meant to you. And she'll be watching over you – she's your own guardian angel."_

_Spencer frowned, feeling cold all of a sudden when wind wrapped around him. "I'm… not sure if I believe in angels, dad. Science…"_

_William ruffled his hair, effectively cutting him short. "Who knows, maybe you will believe one day. But now… I think it's high time to go now."_

_Spencer nodded resolutely. But although he was eager to leave the cemetery he couldn't help looking over his shoulder towards Madison's grave which had been left abandoned. Although his reason spoke against it he couldn't help wondering if she felt lonely._

_The following day William left to keep a close eye on Vincent's trial. Some endlessly long months later he disappeared from Spencer's life, leaving behind only a letter._

_Spencer didn't read the letter until the day he was recruited by FBI. It turned out to be more of a note, for it only consisted of a few sentences._

_'_I'm sorry that I couldn't be a better father for you, Spencer. I'm so sorry that I failed you. Maybe one day you'll find a way to understand and forgive me.

Never forget that I love you._' _

_That night he burned the letter, watched with a great deal of satisfaction how flames eventually destroyed the piece of paper._ /

* * *

Jason Gideon couldn't remember the last time he would've slept well through the night. Perhaps it was before his dreams began to seem too much like the nightmares he faced during daytime. Not that it would've changed his life a lot; he hadn't slept longer than five hours per night since the age of twelve, anyway.

There was one disadvantage to having pretty much the entire night at his disposal. It gave him far too much time to think. And thinking was what he was doing that night as well.

Just like so many times before his thoughts were with Spencer. He found himself wondering just how this entire ordeal would end, how badly damaged Spencer would be when they'd get him back this time around. And he couldn't help wondering how the young genius would react to his sudden return. Spencer's trust wasn't easy to gain, and Jason had been foolish enough to destroy it. It wouldn't be repaired easily.

As it was all Jason could only pray from the bottom of his heart that he'd get the chance to try.

Jason finally woke up from his thoughts when his ears sharpened to a continuous sound he couldn't identify at first. With a frown he pushed himself up from the couch and followed the noise. He felt his heart break a little at what he found.

Penelope was still sitting before her computer, staring at the screen and drumming the desk with her fingers. He wondered if she'd moved an inch since the rest of the team left. Her red, puffy eyes gave away that she'd been crying.

It took a while before she sensed his presence. When she did she jumped with startle and emitted a yelp before managing to get a hold of herself. She ran a hand through her hair, much like Jason remembered Spencer doing countless times. The resemblance bit deep under his skin.

"Waiting is the worst part, isn't it?" he offered after a second or two.

Penelope gave him a tiny, shaky smile, turning her gaze back to the screen. "I just… I've been sitting here, waiting for them to call that Reid's safe and sound. Or then another broadcast, something." Suddenly she broke into a hysterical burst of laughter that soon filled with unshed tears. "Do you… Do you know what I've been doing for the past twenty minutes?" She went on almost instantly. "I've been telling myself that he's gonna be okay, that he's gonna come home. And then… Then I'll smack him for being stupid enough to think he should face this alone, and give him a million cookies. I… I keep telling myself that I'll get to do that."

Jason felt a wave of sympathy. It was enough to help him give her something he hoped looked like a smile. "Is it working?" Because it deffinitely wasn't working for him.

The look she gave him spoke loudly enough.

The silence had lasted for almost a minute before Jason heard his own voice talking, free of his will. "There's… something that's been bothering me. Something Vincent said." He didn't wait for Penelope's reaction before continuing. "'_A_ _fear violates_'. It sounded out of place."

Hope shimmered in Penelope's eyes when she looked at him. "Do you think it's a clue?"

He shrugged. Honestly, he had no idea. He didn't know anything anymore. "It's better than nothing."

Penelope's fingers trembled slightly while she started typing furiously. "I guess… we'll have to take a look and see."

For some reason Jason couldn't resist a hint of a smile. In the middle of all this the sight of her typing away was comfortingly familiar. "You don't have to do that", he reminded her.

The chuckle Penelope emitted sounded suspiciously moist. "Look… I've been staring at the black computer screen for the past hour, and… and I have no idea if I want to see another broadcast or not. I mean… At least then we'd know that… that he's still…" She swallowed laboriously, blinking furiously. "But I… I don't think I could take another one of those broadcasts." She needed a long moment to compose herself. She went on after wiping her cheeks with a swift, barely detectable motion. "So if… If I can finally do _something_, just let me. Okay?"

Jason nodded, fighting the urge to lay a comforting hand to her slightly quaking shoulder. "Okay."

* * *

Most people freeze completely under immense amounts of panic. But Spencer had once said himself that he does some of his best work under intense terror. And as he sat in the tiny cell-like room, trapped to a chair and waiting helplessly for his team to walk into a trap, his thoughts spun a million miles per hour. Where most people wouldn't have been able to think at all he was more lucid than ever in his life.

He didn't need any statistics to realize that there was no way he'd be able to escape – it wouldn't have required even tenth of his IQ to come to that conclusion. And although their relationship was still stiff and complicated, to say the least, he would've never been able to leave William behind.

But maybe, just maybe, there was something he could do to protect his team. At least he'd have to try.

"Spencer." William's voice caught him so badly off guard that he shuddered. "Do you remember that summer when you were six and came down with pneumonia?"

Spencer blinked twice, not knowing what to think about the unexpected question. Of course he remembered, at least to some extend – he was fairly sure they both knew that. "Yeah. I think I remember."

There was a long pause. "You… were very ill, back then. We had to take you to a hospital." William swallowed loudly. "Diana and I… For a while we were sure we'd lose you – the doctors were, too. They couldn't understand how someone in your condition could still be alive. But you held on with all you had and pulled through. We could barely believe it."

Spencer licked his lips, still unsure how to respond. "Why are you telling me that now?"

"Because although you may not look like one you're a fighter." William was quiet for a while. "I know you have a plan, to save them. And… I want you to know that I trust you."

Spencer opened his mouth, then closed it again. It felt like he didn't have to say anything.

From thereon the room's silence was a little bit lighter.

* * *

Penelope had never been good at waiting. And it was particularly difficult when someone she considered her family-member was missing and in a lot of trouble. Flashes of the broadcasts they'd seen so far kept playing over and over again in her head, taunting her.

The internet had _never_ been so slow.

She emitted a cry of frustration and fought furiously to keep herself from damaging the computer. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Give it time", Jason tried to reason with her. "There's only so much technology can do."

"I know, I know." Her mind moving a mile in a microsecond Penelope found herself rambling. "Do you know what's the last thing I said to him?" She didn't even sense the tears on her cheeks. "I… I think he'd been trying to tell me something all day, but… It'd been a long day and I was tired, and I just… I snapped at him, told him to spit it out. He didn't. He just… He said 'bye', and left." She swallowed but it didn't ease the tightness of her throat. "I… I thought I could apologize the next day, but… He didn't show up. I haven't had the chance to say I'm sorry."

"At least you spoke to him." There was a heartbreaking amount of sadness and remorse in Jason's eyes. Suddenly the man seemed ten years older than before. "I… left him a letter. And I'd do anything to get the chance to explain some of the things I wrote to him."

For a moment Penelope's eyes were moist but she blinked it away quickly. Her grin was nothing but a feeble attempt. "You'll get the chance to."

His eyes softened. "So will you."

She opened her mouth but before she could say a word the computer came to life. And all words disappeared from her mind when she read the words that appeared.

_Teresa of __Á__vila_

Her mind operating much faster than her fingers Penelope typed. And in a few surprisingly short moments the explanation was right before their eyes.

Penelope's eyes widened as she stared at the site before her, and did something she'd sworn to never do again. She swore, loudly. "Holy shit…!"

* * *

The night seemed to be full of electricity and tension as the rest of the team advanced soundlessly through the final remaining chapel's dark, narrow hallways. The basement floor's air was so thick with dust that it was difficult to breathe but they barely noticed such things.

All they could focus on was the door before them.

Derek's eyes were sharp with adrenaline and impatience when they met Aaron's. Aaron nodded, his chest feeling a lot tighter than it should've. Derek needed no further permission. The rest of them barely managed to lift their weapons before the man had kicked down the door separating them from the last unexplored room.

The sound was like a explosion in the quiet building, and dust rose from the floor like a tidal wave. For exactly three valuable seconds they couldn't see a thing. But then the sight cleared out, and Aaron lost his ability to breathe altogether.

The room before them… Apart from dust it was completely empty. There wasn't a trace of Spencer anywhere.

For the longest time it was suffocatingly silent until Emily half-whispered. "Look at the dust. No one's been here."

The realization was simple but so heavy that for a moment Aaron – the one everyone still seemed to consider indestructible – feared his knees might not hold under the weight.

They'd been wrong. They'd failed. They'd failed Spencer.

Aaron blinked swiftly but didn't shudder when Derek allowed rage to take over and left the room with such aura around him that no one would've dared to stand on his way. In a few moments David left as well with a atypically dark look in his eyes, giving his shoulder a brief squeeze along the way. Emily, on the other hand, stood absolutely still for at least two minutes, staring at the empty room with eyes no one would've been able to read. It was like she was seeing or hearing something no one else could. Then she ripped her gaze from the sight before her with visible effort and walked away, her steps sharp and loud.

And Aaron was all alone.

Little by little, with ache he hadn't expected, air rushed back into his lungs. It took all he had to suppress the scream that wanted to erupt.

For some reason words that'd been said what felt a lifetime ago floated to his mind, slashing much deeper than they should've.

/ _"I knew you'd understand."_ /

This time he'd failed to understand. This time… This time he was letting Spencer down. And he'd never hated himself more.

Before he managed to sink any deeper into that murky line of thought the sound of his cell phone claimed him attention. It took a mighty moment before he managed to pick up.

"_There's a one more chapel!_" Penelope nearly yelled before he got the chance to say a word. "_It's a ancient chapel of __the __Discalced Carmelites, built to honor Saint_ _Teresa of __Á__vila._ _It's… It's been abandoned for so long that it took a lot of digging to find it, but… It's there, Hotch, in the middle of the forest. Just like the poem said._"

Aaron counted that it took four heartbeats before he managed to produce speech again. "Give me the exact location."

* * *

Where the team had parked their car at a safe distance Derek had to use every ounce of his self-control not to lose control and tear something apart. His eyes stung horribly but he fought stubbornly against it.

If there was anything Derek believed in anymore it was justice; during the worst of days his undying belief that one way or another justice would be served kept him sane. But now… Now he found that faith being tried harder than ever before.

Because no amount of reasoning with himself managed to explain to him how it was possible that this could happen to Spencer. That there was a chance they'd…

"Here you are. I already thought you'd taken the car and left." Emily's voice sounded off, and when he looked at her face he came to a conclusion that she wasn't holding up much better than he was.

He looked away, towards the endless dark forest before him. It occurred to him that the tiny room Spencer was locked into was almost dark, and the thought sickened him. Spencer _hated_ the dark. "Where are Hotch and Rossi?" he inquired, trying not to sound snappy and failing. That was the pretty much only safe topic at the moment; if she'd even mention Spencer's name…

"They're coming." Emily was quiet for a long moment, also staring at the woods. Her eyes carried far too much to be read. "You know… When Hankel… took him, JJ and Hotch asked me how I could feel so little." Her eyes narrowed for the tiniest of moments. "Back then I couldn't understand what they were talking about, but… Now I do."

Derek looked and her and pressed his lips to thin, tight line. It was one of those moments when no words felt appropriate.

They both shivered a little with mild startle when hearing approaching steps. The looks on David and Aaron's faces made Derek's heart jump to his throat. "We're going", the unit chief barked out. "There's a one more chapel we need to take a look at."

* * *

Spencer was by no mean a action hero. But over time he'd come to discover that his body, which most mistook as something fragile, had been built to last a shocking amount of assaults. That's what he relied on when Vincent entered the room with a grim look on his face.

Without saying a word or even looking his way Vincent took the bomb that'd been left to a nearby table. Spencer felt himself stop breathing when he watched how his brother worked on the explosive's timer. Nine minutes. Spencer licked his lips, trembling slightly.

He had even less time than he'd feared.

"Your team seems to be on its way faster than I expected. But that's alright – we're ready for them." Vincent's eyes shifted towards him, the look in them reminding Spencer of several nightmares. "Aren't we, Spencer?"

"Do you really think you can go through with this?" Spencer barely recognized his own voice, and for a moment there was a equally stunned look on Vincent's face. He went on although he wasn't sure if he was ready for the repercussions. He couldn't stop now that he had Vincent's attention. "They're a team of FBI-agents. Do you really think they'd walk into your trap?" He shook his head, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. Exactly how long ago was it since he last breathed properly? "You're not smart enough, Vincent. Not for them."

Vincent's eyes narrowed hazardously, giving him the exact response he'd been hoping for. He was close, now… "Shut the fuck up, miget."

No, Spencer had no intention of doing such a thing. He'd already prepared the trap – it was time to launch it. "Do you really think I haven't given them a warning? I betrayed you, Vincent. I'm on their side."

Vincent and he were most likely equals when it came to intelligence. But Vincent's dangerous temper was what separated them. When Vincent lost all control there was no reason behind his actions. And Spencer's words made him snap completely.

In a flash Vincent had marched to him, and before Spencer could even gasp he'd been thrown to the floor with such force that he saw stars.

Despite the hit his head had taken Spencer realized that he'd managed to reach the desired goal. He was no longer trapped to the chair. Now he'd just have to hang on.

For a millisecond his eyes strayed towards the bomb. It seemed his time was running out.

A loud, nearly animalistic scream of rage was torn from Vincent's throat, and it seemed to fill the tiny space they were in. Spencer couldn't restrain a pitiable mew of pain when the man punched his face once, twice, thrice. Blood flowed into his mouth and sticky, warm substance seemed to spread all over his face. Spencer didn't dare to even guess how much damage had been done.

"I'm going to kill you!" Vincent hollered, the look in his eyes leaving no doubt that he'd do just that. "I'm going to kill you, you little piece of shit! You're going to die for taking their side!"

When Vincent lifted Spencer's upper body the brunet thought the man was going to pull him up. Instead Vincent slammed him against the floor with such force that his ears started ringing, then repeated the action so many times that Spencer could no longer count. Or perhaps the agony spreading to his skull had something to do with his inability to count.

He wondered if the moan of pain he barely managed to register came out of him.

And then he was hurled against the wall. Spencer didn't desire to wonder which bone was broken when there was a sickening crack. It was alarming, perhaps, that he couldn't feel pain.

Darkness spread to the edges of his vision and for a long moment he could feel how his consciousness began to slip away. But then flashes filled his barely coherent mind, playing in his head like recordings.

/ _He remembered the equally amused and suffering look on David's face when he attempted to tell a joke at the university._ /

/ _He remembered how, once upon a time, Penelope kissed her fingers and placed them to his face to comfort him. It was one of those few times when being touched hadn't made him feel uncomfortable._ /

/ _"__I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.__"_ /

/ "_If you ever need anything, just blow on that._" /

/ _He remembered perfectly how firmly Emily held his hands after the ordeal with Benjamin Cyrus, determinedly trying to convince him that her bruises weren't his fault. For just a moment he could've sworn it was Madison sitting before him. The thought helped him smile a little._ /

And suddenly, without a warning, Spencer's body was full of adrenaline and new, different energy. His head was clear once more, and eventually he managed open his eyes.

Vincent, apparently, found his efforts throughoutly amusing. The man even appeared fascinated. "You sure know how to put up a fight, don't you?"

His eyes narrowed, mostly out of the pain surging through him, while he swallowed down the taste of blood in his throat. "With you… I learned to take kicks and punches", he managed against the irony grip that seemed crush his windpipe. He defied his brother although he had no idea how much more he'd be able to take. It felt like a damn of some sort had broken inside him.

In a flash Vincent's patience disappeared. The man's eyes turned dark and dangerous as the feelings behind them overflowed. "You little shit…!"

The unexpected kick to his side took Spencer's breath away in an instant. If it hadn't he would've deffinitely screamed when he _felt_ how the violent impact broke some of his ribs. For a few moments only Vincent's hold kept him from crumbling when the unbelievable agony surged through him.

"Do you still have something you want to say to me?" Vincent snarled through grit teeth.

Spencer squinted his eyes for a moment and reminded himself firmly that this certainly wasn't the worst pain he'd felt in his life. It was time to make his move. He took a brief breath before preparing himself and relying on the same thing that often saved him from bruises and injuries when he was a child.

When he was four Vincent broke his leg and it never healed properly, leaving his other leg stiff and malfunctioning. That was the only advantage Spencer had against his brother; speed.

Before Vincent realized what was happening he let his body fall completely limp, trusting himself to fall towards his brother. Just as the other man's hold on him broke Spencer moved once more, managing to grab the bomb just before Vincent would've had the opportunity to stop him. And then he _ran_, with the sheer speed of desperation, fighting with his all against the urge to glance over his shoulder.

As he ran, in a matter of seconds hearing Vincent's steps following him, Spencer hoped and prayed that the ninety seconds he had left would be enough.

* * *

Some brief moments before the team had appeared to a tiny road nearby the chapel, the car's screeching breaks sounding deafeningly loud in the eerie silence.

It was until they had the chapel at sight Aaron spoke. "Remember that this is most likely a trap." There was a chilling look they'd seen only a few times before on the unit chief's face as the man looked at them. "Be careful, and don't take unnecessary risks. Understood?"

"Yeah, we know." Derek's eyes were filled a dozen emotions. "Now let's go. We've already wasted too much time."

Aaron nodded, then made some signals with his hand and gestured them to move. They were absolutely quiet while approaching the building.

The following twenty seconds slipped by impossibly slowly.

There was a gunshot, followed by a scream that froze the blood in their veins and the crash of breaking glass. Instinctively they ran, praying that they weren't too late.

And then there was a breathtakingly loud explosion that ripped through the forest, painted the dark sky with the colors of fire.

* * *

TBC, no?

* * *

A/N: Oh dear… Things don't look too promising right now, do they? (winces)

So… (swallows thickly) How was this chapter – was it decent, at all? Or should I feed it to wolves? **PLEASE**, let me know your thoughts! Awww, c'mon, you know you want to. (blinks irrisistably)

IN THE NEXT ONE: In the aftermath of the explosion no one's entirely safe. The long awaited meeting with Vincent has dramatic consequences, and not everyone makes it out of the chapel. The story continues in '… Dust to Dust'.

Until next time, folks! I really hope you'll be joining in then.

Take care!


	9. … Dust to Dust

A/N: Heh, I know it's early, but after the previous chapter I somehow had a feeling that you guys deserved a fast update. And since this chapter was born rather easily… (grins) Who knows if the speed's a good thing or not, though…

BUT, first… Holy dang, thank you so much for all those absolutely amazing reviews! (GLOMPS) You can't even imagine how loved you've made this story feel. (hugs once more) THANK YOU!

Awkay, because – so okay, I admit it – the previous cliffie was torture I'm letting you off the hook (for a second, at least…). I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

CHAPTER 9 – … Dust to Dust

* * *

/ _There was one day of winter that haunted Spencer's dreams even after he'd grown up._

_When he was five and Vincent was eight their mother was for once in a good enough condition to accompany them when their father took them camping. Vincent had never been a huge fan of nature but Spencer adored the little river they eventually found. For once Vincent left him alone. Aside the precious moments he had with Madison that afternoon was the closest thing to heaven Spencer reached during his childhood._

_Evening had already fallen and it was getting dark when they made their way home. They were less than fifteen minutes from their house when they saw something shocking._

_Almost in the middle of nowhere a house was on fire. Firefighters clearly fought with their all but Spencer could immediately tell with disheartening certainty that the house was lost. Outside the house a crying man held on to a clearly terrified woman who fought to run back into the flames. The woman was screaming like a wounded wild animal, and Spencer could've sworn he heard her yell "Annie!"._

_It was then Spencer decided that he couldn't look anymore, instead turned towards his parents. He could feel tears in his eyes, but just that once it didn't matter._

_Diana had brought a shaking hand to her lips, all color draining from her face. "Oh my god…!" she gasped._

_William pressed his lips together tightly and wrapped one arm around his wife, pulling her close. There was a touch of grief in his eyes._

_And Vincent… Vincent didn't say anything, and most deffinitely didn't look away. Instead the boy stared at the sight as though hoping to memorize every single detail of it. The boy's whole body shook with something Spencer was much too young to understand._

_It wasn't the strange, chilling sound that erupted from Vincent's throat that later haunted Spencer's dreams. But the look in his brother's eyes that reflected the flames… That was something he could never forget._ /

* * *

It took a mighty while before Aaron actually heard anything. The first sound he registered was a voice he eventually identified as Emily's. "… you okay?"

He nodded and blinked twice to clear his head, then lifted his gaze slowly. What he found made his chest feel agonizingly tight.

Most of the explosion's damage had been done to the trees around the chapel, but as it turned out the destruction was spreading steadily. The chapel's windows had been smashed to pieces by the explosion, and a small part of the building had collapsed. And the fire… It seemed to be absolutely everywhere.

A fire bomb. Vincent had had a fire bomb in his hands.

And Spencer was still inside.

It took a lot of Aaron to think rationally, to operate as expected of a unit chief. He took a long breath of air before turning his gaze towards his team.

Emily was kneeling beside him, her openly worried gaze straying between him and the building as she fought to decide what to do. David was also nearby, standing visibly unsteadily and staring at the flames with unreadable eyes. It was a miracle that Derek was also still close by, although his eyes revealed that standing still was amongst the hardest things the man had ever done in his life. The three of them had some minor cuts from when flying pieces of glass and wood had slashed them and Derek's cheek looked like it'd need stitches, but they appeared alright.

"Reid!" Aside the flames Derek's voice was the only sound heard in the forest, which made it sound like a howl. Aaron was sure Derek knew there was no point in calling out and it could be dangerous to make their presence known, but in that moment of terror reason didn't matter. "Reid!"

Getting up was easier than Aaron had feared, which was the first pleasant surprise he'd had in a long time. His face felt stiff when he looked at the others with firm eyes. "I'm not sure how stable that building is anymore, but…"

"Reid's still in there", Derek cut him short with smouldering eyes. "So I'm going in, with or without you."

Aaron nodded. "We're investigating the ground floor." He glanced towards Emily and David. "You go through the basement floor. But be careful – we don't know how much time there's left before the building collapses. Get out as soon as you can."

Without wasting another second they split to pairs and began to move. Derek was completely tensed up beside Aaron as they made their way into the chapel, instantly coughing at the smoke that filled their lungs. It was a challenge to navigate through smoke and fire, but suddenly they both saw a closed door only steps away. In a flash they were moving, only to discover that the door wouldn't budge.

"It's locked", Derek growled through grit teeth, his eyes blazing with irritation. They both knew instantly what was going on.

Spencer was behind that door, alone with Vincent. They didn't have a second to waste.

* * *

**_a while earlier_**

**_

* * *

_**

Since he started his desperate run Spencer had been expecting that he wouldn't make it too far – he'd just hoped he'd get far enough.

When he made it to a small room that'd most likely served as a place to rest, and was only ten steps away from the backdoor, he heard Vincent's voice and realized that he'd just run out of time. "You are really pissing me off, midget", the man snarled.

And then, before Spencer could react in any way, there was a gunshot.

In an instant burning, hellish pain spread through his leg and to his entire body while his balance broke and he fell. A scream was torn through his lips as he brought a hand to the wound. With dismay he noted that the injured limb was the same leg that'd been shot before.

And, with terror swelling in his stomach, he discovered that there was no way he'd be able to keep on running. He couldn't rush any further and there were only six seconds left in the timer.

He heard Vincent approach, and at that moment of despair his eyes rose to meet a nearby window. It took only a second to make his decision. He raised his hand and threw the bomb. His heart hammered while he watched how the explosive crashed through window glass.

A second later the bomb went off with a blast that seemed to tear his eardrums apart. And everything exploded.

* * *

**_present moment_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Wake up, midget."

Those words… They sounded so far off. Spencer winced against the loud ringing of his ears and groaned when pain seemed to spread everywhere.

What…?

"Wake up." Just then, with the ringing of his ears easing, he heard other noises's aside Vincent's voice. "Do you hear that? It sounds like that team of yours made it here." Suddenly he was pulled up with such force that he couldn't suppress a slight cry. Vincent's stone-hard hand threw him against the wall and held him there. "You just destroyed my plan number one. But no matter. I still have a greeting for them."

Finally Spencer's eyes obeyed and opened halfway. In a flash everything froze inside him.

Vincent had his darkened eyes and a fully prepared gun trained towards the room's door. And judging by the sounds that were finally registering to Spencer Derek and Aaron were dangerously close to getting in. It took less than a heartbeat for Spencer to understand that he'd have to do something.

When he grabbed Vincent's wrist and pulled he paid no attention to the fact that his brother's finger was already on the trigger.

He also didn't notice that the gun pointed towards his stomach-area.

He only found out when he heard a gunshot the exact same second the room's door gave way.

* * *

Downstairs Emily and David had quite a bit of problems with making their way through the smoke-filled hallways. They already thought they'd found a dead end before they suddenly spotted a door nearby.

"It's open", David noted in a atypically quiet, tense voice. "Vincent's been in too much of a hurry to close and lock it."

They both placed a hand to their weapons, then walked into the room while fighting against breaking into coughing fits.

Despite the smoke and lack of light they saw all too clearly how droplets of blood stained the floor. They also saw knives, lots of them, left to a nearby table and could only imagine what would've soon been done with them.

So this was the nightmare Spencer had lived in since he'd been taken.

Emily had never felt colder in her life.

She forced her head to clear out a little and noticed that there wasn't a trace of Vincent in the room – or of Spencer. She opened her mouth until sounds of coughing cut her short.

"Spencer…?" a voice that without a doubt belonged to William Reid inquired quietly, full of fear and despair.

She and David exchanged a look before rushing to William. Emily felt sick to her stomach when seeing all the cuts and bruises on the man's face. William was obviously in a lot of pain, and she had a feeling that Spencer's condition was ten times worse. It took a lot to keep her expression at least close to composed while she started working on the metallic chains that tied to the man to the chair.

William's eyes first filled with startle when he noticed their presence, then widened while the man finally recognized them. "You… You're from Spencer's team." He swallowed thickly. "He… Vincent was supposed to…"

"Are you alright?" Emily cut in sharply. She'd heard rumors of William Reid, such that didn't exactly fill her with sympathy towards the man, especially now when her mind was elsewhere. She just wanted to get her job done, to see an end to this horror story.

William nodded, but the terror in the man's eyes only grew. "I'm okay, but Spencer… He took the bomb, just before it exploded." The man's eyes strayed between them, clearly praying for answers they just couldn't give. "Where is he? Is he alright?"

Emily was utterly relieved that David answered so she didn't have to. "Two of our team members… are upstairs, looking for him."

William nodded again, clearly not even nearly satisfied by the answer.

Mostly to avoid further questions and to keep herself from thinking about other matters Emily moved to help William stand. "We need to leave before the fire spreads. Do you think you can walk?"

William blinked once, observing his legs. "Yeah, I think so. My right ankle is sore, but I'm good." The man grit his teeth. "Let's… Let's just go and find Spencer." It sounded like a plea.

That was all the answer the two of them needed. They helped William up and the three of them began to advance towards the room's door torturously slowly. The walk to the stairs Emily and David had taken what felt like a lifetime ago was endless. They made it halfway up until they heard a gunshot.

At that moment Emily stopped breathing for a second or two, and she felt William do the same.

* * *

Upstairs time stood frozen as all four of them tried to figure out where the bullet had gone. And then, in one lengthy breath, time resumed as they realized that blood was beginning to stain Spencer's shirt. Appearing dangerously drowsy the young genius swayed and would've most likely slumped to the floor if Vincent's stony hold hadn't rooted him to the spot.

Derek's mouth opened, but in the end he couldn't emit a sound. Or perhaps he couldn't hear the scream from the rush of blood in his ears. He'd never felt such terror and rage in his life.

For a moment Vincent's eyes held genuine surprise when they first stared at Spencer's face, then shifted to the blood on the younger man's shirt. Then, in a flash, Vincent recovered from his most likely uncharacteristic stun and the gun was pointed at Derek and Aaron. That was where he made a dire error.

Vincent could use a gun, there was no question about that. But he was by no means a match against Aaron Hotchner.

The gunshot hit Derek with a wave of pain as the bullet from Aaron's gun whistled past his ear, slamming directly to Vincent's shoulder. With a yell of pain Vincent dropped the weapon, as well as lost his hold on Spencer, and brought a hand to stop the bleeding.

The last obstacle standing in Derek's way was gone, and just one look at Spencer – who was battered, covered in blood and barely conscious while slumping to the floor – was enough of a trigger. He didn't even register Aaron's snarled order before he was already on Vincent.

Later Derek's memories of the following moments were blurry at best. He did manage to register, with a lot of sick satisfaction, how Vincent emitted sounds of pain under the full force of his fists. He also imprinted how chillingly easily the man's face gave way under his assault, how warm and sticky blood stained his hands. But perhaps the clearest of the few flashes was how Vincent's eyes looked when they met his, and the man realized that Derek would kill him if someone wouldn't stop him.

_You're pathetic_, those eyes of a doomed man told him. The look sent chills up and down Derek's spine.

Derek would've, without any doubt, killed Vincent if a firm pair of arms hadn't wrapped around him. "Morgan, don't!" Aaron snarled at him, clearly fighting against the same beast within he'd just let unleashed. "This isn't the way, Derek. You know that."

Of course Derek knew that much, better than well. But that didn't ease the inferno inside him at all, not when he stared at Vincent's beaten and bloody yet smirking face. He struggled as Aaron pulled him backwards.

If he'd let Vincent get away with this…!

"We have to get out of here. This place…", Emily, who'd appeared out of nowhere it seemed, stated but her voice sounded muffled to him and in the end it disappeared altogether. Perhaps she trailed off. "Reid? Reid, can you hear me?"

It wasn't until he heard Spencer's name, said in Emily's shuddering voice, Derek finally snapped out of his hue of wrath. Instantly the terror from before came flooding back, a thousand times stronger than before.

Spencer… He'd been shot, badly. What if…?

Fortunately he never got the chance to finish that thought. Because just then there was a strange, almost growl like sound and he realized that hungry flames had began to eat away the floor. And the floor below Vincent, the spot where he'd just been as well, first cracked before giving way completely.

For the tiniest of moments he could see fear in Vincent's eyes as the man began to understand what was about to happen. But then the feeling was gone, replaced by nothing but emptiness. And a heartbeat later it was all over.

There, right before his baffled eyes, Vincent Reid disappeared into the flames awaiting below.

* * *

Emily had seen wounded and bleeding people before. But this time it was Spencer Reid, the most innocent person she'd ever met.

This was the same Spencer who'd put together that damn star for her in a flash, the same Spencer who'd never seen 'A Clockwork Orange', the same Spencer who…

"Reid", she attempted to bark out as an order, but it sounded more like a yelp. Her eyes stung for various reasons and she had to blink furiously. "Reid, open your eyes and look at me. I need you to look at me."

It clearly required a lot of effort but in the end she first saw a narrow line of brown, then Spencer's eyes halfway open. At first he frowned, but when his thoughts cleared out his eyes widened and darted around with loudly evident panic. It took a moment before Emily realized that the fear wasn't for himself.

She squeezed his shoulder with the hand that wasn't desperately attempting to slow the bleeding from his stomach-wound, managing to get his attention. "Reid, we're okay, all of us. We found your father and he's fine, too. And Vincent… He's gone, Reid. He's gone. Everything's okay." She swallowed thickly when feeling how even more of his blood slipped through her fingers.

How much could a person bleed, before…? She'd heard it before but couldn't remember anymore. She was almost sure Spencer would've known the answer.

Spencer, on the other hand, appeared almost eerily calm now that he knew the team and William were alright. Terror disappeared from his eyes while he nodded slightly and relaxed against the wall behind him.

Mostly to chase away her own panic Emily attempted to smile but had a feeling it didn't come out right. "Right now… Right now you should just worry about you, okay?" Just then his eyes began to flutter closed once more and ice-cold panic formed a huge ball in her chest, making it hard to breathe. "Reid, don't you dare pass out on me!"

Aaron's voice came so suddenly that it startled her slightly. "The ambulance is on its way."

"How soon is it here?" William, who occupied Spencer's other side, demanded instantly. The man's face held absolutely no color while he held his son's hand, squeezing almost desperately.

Aaron's face appeared nothing short of grim. "Soon enough." It was, perhaps, more of a wish than a fact. The man then gathered himself, his eyes hardening. "Right now we have to get out here. The flames are spreading quickly – this building isn't going to last much longer."

Emily gulped once more, her gaze shifting towards Spencer. His eyes were barely open but he was hanging on with all he had. "Reid, we… We're going to try and move you, okay? Do you think you can take that?"

He nodded, knowing that he didn't have much of a choice. He knew the team wouldn't leave without him – at least Emily hoped he did.

She shuddered a little when out of nowhere Derek appeared to squat beside her, his wide, distraught eyes nailed on Spencer. "We're going to get you out of here, okay?" The dark-skinned man then glanced towards her. "You won't be able to move him alone. I'll help you."

She nodded, no words left in her head that'd been thrown into a chaos.

Carefully and painstakingly slowly they helped Spencer up, fighting to block their ears from the moan of pain the brunet emitted. With that their group began to make its way towards the room's door.

And no matter how foreign it felt to her, Emily found herself praying silently.

* * *

The journey out of the burning building took forever, or at least that's how it felt to Derek. About every five steps they had to stop when pieces of burning debris fell from seemingly nowhere, and breathing was getting harder by the minute when smoke filled his lungs. Every once in a while he heard hisses of pain when flaming wood fell on the team members. Once he almost lost his hold on Spencer when a soon crumbling wall reminded him of how little time there was left and gave him a burn-mark to his shoulder.

And then, so suddenly that Derek blinked with surprise, they were out. He managed to take about ten more steps, just enough to reach a safe distance from the building, before his knees gave way and he slumped to his knees. Derek reached out one arm to support and perhaps shield Spencer while gasping, filling his burning lungs hungrily with fresh air.

Somewhere in the distance Derek could hear the sounds of approaching sirens. Slowly yet surely he felt his completely stiff muscles relax when he made out the scratchy yet clearly audible voices of every single member of the team and felt Spencer right there beside him.

They'd all made it out. The nightmare was almost over.

It took a mighty while before he felt it was safe to attempt talking, and even then his voice was raspy. "Kid, are… you okay?"

The uncomfortable heat on his skin became replaced by numbing coldness when there was no response. A horrendous taste rose into his mouth while he turned his gaze to find that Spencer had gone limp against him, with his head having fallen against his shoulder and his eyes closed.

It took a second, perhaps two, before Derek's brain finally managed to register the information.

Spencer… He wasn't breathing.

* * *

TBC, for just a little bit

* * *

A/N: You're going to kill me now, aren't you? (starts looking for cover while dodging thrown objects) Just remember, if you have my head now you'll never see chapter ten!

BUT, other than that I gave you another one of those damn cliffies… How was the chapter? **PLEASE**, let me hear your thoughts! Awww, c'mon, by now you've gotta know how much I adore hearing from you guys.

IN THE NEXT ONE: Is the fight over and lost? There's little the team can do while Reid wanders on the thin line between life and death. Which side will claim him?

**TWO CHAPTERS PLUS AN EPILOGUE LEFT, FOLKS! **(Damn, I can't believe it!) (sighs)

Until next time, guys! I REALLY hope I'll see ya then.

Peace out!

* * *

**vetgirl1231**: Don't worry, I won't stop just yet! (grins)

I'm very, very excited to hear you've had that good of a time with the story so far. (grins from ear to ear) I hope the next one pleases you just as much.

Huge thank yous for the review!


	10. Where Time Stills

A/N: Heh, considering the cliffie I left you on I don't think I could've ever updated fast enough. (grins sheepishly) But here it is – chapter ten!

BUT, first… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all those amazing review! (HUGS) They're seriously filled me with inspiration time and time again, ya know? So thank you! (hugs again)

Awkay, because I think you'd start looking for objects to throw if I'd keep you waiting any longer… Let's go! (takes a deep breath) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

CHAPTER 10 – Where Time Stills

* * *

/ _Spencer wasn't afraid of heights, he just didn't like them too much. So when he was almost nine he wasn't too enthusiastic as Madison dragged him to a cliff that opened a view to a small river they knew to be deep. For some irrational reason his brain felt the need to remind him that a year or two ago a man had drowned into that river, and it'd taken days before his body was found. Vincent had been watching and later made sure he heard every sickening detail._

_The memory made Spencer shake and he licked his lips nervously. "What are you planning, Maddy?" he asked with a hint of urgency hiding in his voice._

_Madison grinned, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. "This is something I've wanted to try. And I wanted to do it with you", she said like that would've explained everything. Seeing the look in his eyes she grinned again. "Don't worry, Spence – it's deep enough. Trust me."_

_His heart hammering what must've been a million miles per hour Spencer peered over the cliff, towards the water that seemed to linger a lifetime below. The water seemed filthy, cold and overall upleasant, dangerous. But for once, just that once, he managed to shut his mind from facts and statistics._

_Instead he braced himself and squeezed her hand back. And then, as Madison took a step forward, he followed her._

_Followed her all the way down to the cool, murky waters._ /

* * *

Time stood still. Or at least that's how it felt to the group gathered to the hospital's suffocatingly sterile waiting room.

Emily knew, rationally, that she was exhausted. But she didn't dare to close her eyes in fear of what she'd find if she did. She didn't want to see Spencer's nearly dead face anymore.

Giving Spencer CPR was one of the most chilling things she'd done in her life. No matter how hard she tried he remained utterly still, lifeless. No matter how many times she, they all, called out to him he couldn't come back to them.

Seeing Spencer so unnaturally still had, perhaps, been the worst part. The Spencer Reid she knew was _never_ still.

It was Aaron who finally managed to coax Spencer into taking a breath of life. It had been too dark to tell for certain but Emily was almost sure that for just a moment she saw tears in the unit chief's usually steel-hard eyes. And then the paramedics were there, so suddenly that Derek was mildly startled and took a protective stance before Spencer that might've amused the team in some other situation. Whatever happened after that would remain a mystery to Emily – everything seemed to happen at dizzying speed.

Until they entered the damn waiting room and time stopped, at least.

Emily looked around, mostly to trick her mind to other matters. It appeared the others weren't any more patient than she was.

David was sitting two chairs away from her, his eyes fixed on a magazine. Emily wondered if he noticed that he hadn't turned the page since opening the magazine. Aaron stood on the opposite side of the room with his back to her, staring out the window with his arms folded tightly to his chest. Even the mere thought sounded ridiculous, but it looked almost like he attempted to shield himself against something. And Derek… was a ticking time bomb. The dark-skinned man was pacing around the room like a caged beast, the look in his eyes revealing just how badly he would've wanted to punch a hole in the wall. William Reid, on the other hand, sat on a lonely chair a bit further from the team with his face buried into his hands, shaking barely visibly. Emily made a mental note that he'd been that way since they arrived. For the first time since they found him she felt sympathy towards the man. Regardless of how sick Vincent was William had lost one son that night, and now…

Emily grit her teeth, deciding that she didn't want to finish that thought.

Doing the best she could to restrain a sigh or a groan Emily leaned her head against the wall behind her, daring to close her eyes halfway.

This was all taking too damn long. She couldn't help wondering what the heck was going on.

Just then their group stiffened and fixed their eyes towards the room's door when hearing sounds of steps. Instead of a doctor or a nurse, however, they found Jason and Penelope. There was a strained look on Jason's face and suddenly the man seemed ten years older than before. Penelope, on the other hand, looked like she'd been crying recently. Even as she entered the tears didn't seem to be far.

"Please tell me you've heard something", Penelope all but pleaded before any of them got the chance to say a word.

Surprisingly it was Derek who found his voice first. "'Sorry, baby-girl. But we're just as much in the dark as you are."

Penelope nodded slowly, fighting visibly to maintain her brave front. And then, taking them all by surprise, she slumped the nearest chair and started rummaging the bag she'd brought along. They watched with disbelieving eyes as she pulled out knitting equipment, along with a woolen stocking that had about one third of it done.

Seeing their looks Penelope shrugged. None of them could tell if the sound that erupted from her was a laugh or a sob. "I… started on these a month ago – they're… a part of Reid's birthday present." The blonde's hands shook while she searched through her bag once more, then showed them a already done black and blue woolen stocking. Emily noticed that the sock that was still unfinished was a warm shade of brown. "He… He never wears the same pair of socks, anyway. So…" The woman's lips kept moving but she couldn't produce a sound.

Emily blinked, furiously attempting to swallow down the lump that'd appeared into her throat. "Garcia, you don't have to…"

The look Penelope gave her cut her short. "I… I have to do _something_, okay? And, well… It's this, or I'll start climbing up the walls. So please, let me do this."

Emily nodded. After watching how Penelope attempted to start knitting despite the way her hands shook she leaned back once more. The brunette noticed that she still didn't dare to close her eyes.

For the longest time the sound of Penelope knitting was the only noise heard in the room.

* * *

After the white hue faded for the first time Spencer remembered hearing someone call out his name. He also remembered hearing uncomfortably many and loud noises. He was almost sure that there were hands on him and he was moved somewhere. And then…

Then he was back in the soundless white hue. Or was until he suddenly found himself falling into something unknown.

At first he didn't dare to open his eyes. And then there was a voice that made absolutely everything inside him freeze. "You know, if you don't open your eyes soon you'll fall. Wouldn't that be kind of embarrassing?"

Slowly, almost terrified of what he'd find, Spencer first opened his eyes halfway. They flew wide at the sight that greeted him.

He… was no longer in the chapel. Instead he was sitting on a strong branch of the tree that was his sanctuary once upon a time. And Madison was sitting right there beside him.

Only this Madison wasn't a child. Her still wild, fire red hair fell halfway down her back like a declaration of war against the rest of the world. But her eyes, which used to be filled with that same fire… They were now calm, almost serene. The white dress she was wearing silhouetted her feminine form.

Spencer swallowed with severe difficulty and blinked several times, starting to feel dangerously dizzy. What was going on? "You… You've grown", was the most intellectual sentence he managed to squeeze out.

Madison clearly fought to stiffle a laugh. "This is how you wanted to see me, I suppose."

All of a sudden intense ache filled Spencer. He raised his hand, but in the end didn't dare to touch the woman beside him in fear of breaking the illusion. "I… I've always imagined what you would've looked like, as an adult."

The smile that appeared to Madison's face held a great deal of grief. He shivered at how cold her hand was when it brushed his cheek. "Don't look so sad, Spence. There's nothing you could do to change the past."

Spencer grit his teeth and looked away. He blinked once more upon realizing that the horizon of the landscape before him was disappearing, turning into blinding white. It wasn't until then he realized. "Am I… dying?"

Madison also cast her eyes towards the rapidly vanishing horizon. It took what felt like a long moment before she spoke. "I don't know. I don't even know how much control you have over the matter." She looked at him although it clearly wasn't easy. "But… I do know that you shouldn't be here yet. There's a lot more you were supposed to do back there."

He blinked twice, this all becoming a bit too surreal to him. "What do you mean?"

Madison grinned although it came out feebly. "You'll just have to wait and see, if you'll get the chance." Then she took his hand and squeezed. And this time the touch filled him with warmth. "I'll be here waiting for you when it's your time to come, whether it's in five minutes or fifty years. But… If I really meant anything to you, at all, you have to try to go back." Blinking away the moisture that appeared to her eyes she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "And just so you know… I'll never forget you, either."

Those words seemed to be the only push Spencer had needed. Because suddenly Madison's touch was gone, the tree was gone. And once again he was falling, all the way through black, white and gray.

Spencer had no idea if he was falling into the land of the dead or the living. But there was no fear in him.

* * *

Time kept standing still in the hospital's waiting room. While the others had sunken into their own, silent and isolated worlds the seething inside Derek began to turn into a dull, nagging ache. For the first time since Spencer was taken he could think at least somewhat clearly.

After listening to Jason struggling with a vending machine for at least ten minutes he decided that enough was enough. He walked to the machine, kicked it hard and handed the can of beverage to Jason when it dropped with a loud clonk. It was the best peace offer he could manage, for Spencer's sake. The look that appeared to Jason's eyes told that the older man understood.

Neither of them got the chance to say a word before they were interrupted. "Look." There was quite open terror in Penelope's voice. "Is… Is she coming this way?"

Derek turned his gaze with a frown. A approximately forty-years-old female doctor with long, unruly black hair and brown eyes was approaching the waiting room, no longer wearing the scrubs from the operating theater. The almost gloomy look on her face made Derek's entire body feel unnaturally cold.

In some other situation it might've embarrassed Derek how badly he was shaking while he turned to face her, bracing himself for whatever was to come.

For another moment or too the solemn and exhausted look remained on the doctor's face until she noticed them. The slight spark that lit in her eyes made a hint of hope flutter inside Derek. "I'm Dr. Samantha Landon. Are you… Spencer Reid's family?"

William nodded immediately, fighting to get to his feet although his injured ankle barely supported his weight. "I'm his father."

Aaron also spoke out, the stern look in his eyes daring anyone to go against him. "I'm Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. I assume you know Reid's with the FBI. We're his team, which means that we're his family as well."

The doctor nodded. "Overall the surgery was a complicated one. Spencer's condition is now critical but stable. The following couple of days are crucial, but unless further complications appear we're hopeful. At the moment he's in the recovery room."

Derek frowned, certain words taunting him like a bad omen. "What did you mean by 'complicated'?"

Dr. Landon gave them a look of sympathy, clearly knowing that they'd had a long night. "I'm about to be quite frank with you, so interrupt me if you feel it's too much, alright?" She paused for a second. "Spencer's heart stopped once during the surgery but he managed to pull through. There was quite a bit of internal injuries to fix. He has three broken ribs, one of which scratched his lung. The bullet to his stomach nipped a couple of organs on its way, and it took us a while to take care of the damage. That's why the surgery took so long. One of his kidneys was so badly damaged that we had to remove it. We're worried about the great chance of a infection, and it's to be expected that he'll get a heavy course of antibiotics." She took a breath. "You need to understand that Spencer is a very lucky man to be alive – I'm saying this off the record, but very often a gunshot wound to the stomach is lethal. Spencer must've had a guardian angel watching over him."

The team members exchanged looks, a particular name echoing through their heads.

Dr. Landon went on after giving them a moment to digest those news. "As for the rest… The broken ribs I mentioned before will cause him discomfort although the actual damage has been taken care of. There was also a small fracture on his cheekbone which doesn't require medical assistance, but the blow chipped a couple of teeths. The small burns, cuts and bruises he has should heal on their own. Though the lacerations on his upper torso will leave some scars. It also appears there's a slight infection in them and we're already working on it, but it shouldn't be a great concern." Her expression turned slightly more solemn, making them all stiffen. "I am, however, worried about the potential damage the combination of blood loss, electric shocks and the drugs he apparently received has done to his heart. According to the information I have his heart has stopped thrice during a short period of time, which is why we're careful; he's under constant surveillance and connected to a heart monitor. Our cardiologist will examine him as soon as possible."

Penelope, who'd kept herself together remarkably well until then, emitted a barely detectable, mew-like sound and wrapped her arms tightly around herself, shaking under sobs that wanted to erupt. Functioning almost mechanically Derek gave her shoulder a brief squeeze, a storm of emotions in his eyes.

Dr. Landon looked at them with evaluating eyes, obviously wondering how much more they'd be able to take, before carrying on. "We're also keeping a very careful eye on his head injury. At the moment we know for a fact that Spencer has a hairline fracture on his skull and a severe concussion. But with head injuries it's difficult to tell more before he's awake."

"What about his leg?" David's eyes appeared a lot more troubled than the rest of them would've expected. "It's… been shot before."

Dr. Landon's eyes darkened a little. "The bullet damaged Spencer's leg quite badly. I'm not a specialist, but I'm afraid there'll be loss of mobility to some degree. But it's impossible to tell anything for sure yet, so we'll face that when the time comes." 'If' was inaudible but saddeningly present in the last sentence.

For a moment it was utterly silent as the team attempted to swallow all that'd just been thrown at them.

They'd known to expect that Spencer had been through a lot, but…

"Can we see him?" Derek wasn't entirely sure who asked that; at some point all voices had blurred together.

Dr. Landon emitted a long sigh, appearing utterly exhausted. "Spencer's been through a long surgery and he's still under sedation, so according to the hospital's policy I should ask you to leave and come back later. But…" She gave them a hint of a smile. "According to his files Spencer doesn't want to be given any narcotics, so taking into account his injuries there's quite little we can do to make him feel comfortable once he wakes up. I have a feeling that he might feel better and calmer with you around. He'll be in room 201 as soon as he's allowed out of the recovery room. I'll tell a nurse to let you know when he's brought in." Her eyes hardened but only slightly. "Only two of you are allowed to his room at once, though. I don't want you to overwhelm him. And just so you're not startled… At the moment Spencer's body is in a quite weak condition, so he's connected to a breathing tube to give it the chance to recover. But bear in mind that it's only temporary – we'll let him try breathing on his own as soon as he's ready for it."

Aaron nodded, only the mild amount of extra tension on his face betraying what was spinning inside his head. "Thank you, doctor."

Dr. Landon was about to leave until something crossed her mind. It was easy to tell that she didn't like what she had to say. "There's… no subtle or easy way of putting this, but… After reading his charts I'm aware of Spencer's… history. And based on the information you gave the paramedics we took a tox screen. It showed that he's been given a great amount of Dilaudid over a short period of time."

Surprisingly it was Emily who appeared the most disheartened by this. "So, does he… have to start that entire fight all over again?"

Dr. Landon took a deep breath. "I believe it's safe to assume that Spencer will need a lot of support. It's expected that he'll have significant withdrawal symptoms while the drugs fade from his bloodstream, and the fact that he no longer has his other kidney is likely to make them worse." Seeing their expressions she went on in a slightly softer tone. "I know that this is a lot to take in, but you need to remember that Spencer is going to get all the help he needs. And the fact that he has a support system like this is deffinitely a good sign. We'll just have to be patient and give him the time he needs."

For William Reid, apparently, this was too much. It was easy too see how badly the man was shaking while he swallowed laboriously. "Excuse me, I'll…" The rest faded out while the man turned on his heels and walked away with such speed that he almost ran.

The flare of rage that shot through Derek was so intense that for a moment he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep himself from going after the man. But then a mental image of Spencer floated to his head and he decided that at the moment other matters were much more important.

Derek couldn't understand why, but at that moment he just couldn't contain the extremely brief, wry laugh that broke through his lips. "Knowing Reid, we'll have to chain him to his bed to make him take it easy as soon as he wakes up." He refused to use the word 'if'. To him there were no options.

The stress over the gradually ending nightmare was clearly beginning to fade, for he got a couple of chuckles as a return. They were feeble and tired, but nonetheless a start. They promised that Spencer _would_ get through this – that their entire family would.

Seeming to come to a conclusion that there was nothing more she could do for them Dr. Landon gave them a nod and another tiny smile of sympathy before turning to leave. "I'll be here all night and I'll be visiting Spencer several times, so let me know if you have any questions."

The rest of them were too much in shock over the news to notice that Aaron followed her. It wasn't until almost a full minute later before it all really hit them. Having the entire nightmare crash down on them was a breathtaking experience.

And then, only then, Penelope allowed herself to break down into quiet yet heartbreaking sobs. Emily's wide, nearly shocked eyes shifted briefly towards the blonde before the brunette wrapped her arms around herself and swallowed loudly, clearly fighting with herself. David buried his face into one hand and sighed heavily, leaning against the nearest wall. The muffled "I'm too damn old for this" the others thought they heard was most likely a trick of their imagination. Jason, on the other hand, turned before any of them could take a look at his face and walked away. Where he was going was most likely a mystery even to him.

Derek didn't register much of this, for almost as soon as the doctor left he sunk slowly to chair that was mercifully nearby. It took a while before he managed to bury his face into his trembling hands, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes.

With that they all prepared themselves for a yet another round of waiting game.

* * *

Dr. Landon had almost walked into her office before she heard steps. She turned her gaze and frowned when seeing the man approaching her. "Agent Hotchner?"

Aaron hesitated for a moment before talking. "I… wanted to talk to you about Reid's tox screen."

She smiled, finally understanding. "Don't worry. That information is supposed to be confidential, isn't it?" Spencer had been through too much already. She had no intention of jeopardizing his career on top of it all, especially when everything was still so very uncertain to him.

She could see how Aaron's shoulders fell as he relaxed. "Thank you."

She nodded. He'd already taken two steps away before she made her decision and spoke out. "Agent Hotchner?" She went on once he glanced towards her. "It's not often I see a family that looks after one another like this. So… Take good care of him."

It was impossible to name the expression that lingered on Aaron's face while the man nodded. "We will." With that he walked away and disappeared.

For a moment Dr. Landon was deep in thought while looking towards the direction to which the man had disappeared, then turned to the opposite direction and walked to her office.

There were all too many days when she hated her job. Today, she discovered, wasn't one of them.

* * *

Jason felt a tiny wave of relief when finding William sitting on a long bench right outside the hospital. The man wasn't crying but his eyes appeared suspiciously red.

Moving slowly to avoid startling the man Jason approached and sat down, directing his gaze to the horizon. The sun was finally rising. "Long night, huh?"

William was quiet for a significantly long moment before talking so quietly that he barely heard. "It… truly hit me, today." The man swallowed thickly, his hands twitching restlessly in his lap. "You, the team… You're Spencer's real family. The Dilaudid thing… I didn't have any idea about it. And I… I didn't even know he's been shot before – I don't know anything about the things he's been through. It's like I don't know my son anymore." The man unleashed a choked, bitter laugh. "Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean… It's been almost twenty years since I was a active part of his life. It feels like the team's raised him a lot more than I ever did."

Jason was silent for a while, wondering if he should voice what was spinning in his mind. In the end his tongue was faster than his mind. "I've… been gone, too. I didn't know he's been shot, either. I think there's a million things I don't know about him anymore." He grit his teeth, feeling a familiar nagging ache settle to his chest. "But now, at least, it looks like we may get a chance to try and fix things. We just have to stick around and see."

William said nothing to that.

It was quiet for almost two minutes before William spoke all of a sudden. "I will come inside, you know?" The man's jaw tightened. "I don't want to walk away anymore."

Jason nodded, understanding better than well. "Neither do I."

With that silence of mutual understanding fell upon them, giving them some new peace of mind.

As they sat there, watching the slowly rising sun, all they could do was hope.

* * *

TBC, for just a little bit

* * *

A/N: See, finally a at least tolerable ending? (chuckles) Although things are still quite badly up in the air…

**PLEASE**, let me hear from you! The turns in this chapter tore more to several directions, so I'd love to hear what you thought about this one. Pretty pwease…? (gives puppy's eyes)

IN THE NEXT ONE: The road to recovery is long, in more ways than one. The BAU-family comes together when Reid attempts to start his hardest battle yet.

**ONLY ONE CHAPTER AND A EPILOGUE TO GO, FOLKS!**

Until next time, folks! Maybe I'll see ya then…?

* * *

**vetgirl1231**: Those cliffies of mine should be banned, no? (groans)

BUT, I'm so happy to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far although I'm practically torturing you poor guys! (grins sheepishly)

Massive thank yous for the review!


	11. The Beginning in the End

A/N: Meh, updating took longer than I expected, but this chapter turned out to be a problem child. (groans at oneself)

BUT, first of course… THANK YOU so much for all those fabulous reviews! I can't even describe the miracles you've done to my at times fumbling inspiration. (hugs) So thank you!

Awkay, because I've got a feeling that further stalling won't do any good… (takes a deep breath) Let's go, shall we? I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

CHAPTER 11 – The Beginning in the End

* * *

/ _Ever since he was three years old Spencer had one recurring dream._

_In the said dream he was always sinking deeper and deeper into black water that was so cold it made even thinking impossible. He opened his mouth for a futile attempt to scream, not managing to cause even bubbles to the water._

_He was sinking, drowning, and there was nothing he could do about it._

_The dream used to end with him waking up to his own scream, gasping and sweating with unshed tears in his eyes. Before he always died in his dreams. But then he joined BAU, and a new scene was added to that nightmare. A week or two after his first day of work he had that dream once again. But for the first he didn't drown, for through darkness a hand reached out for him to pull him to safety. After a moment of hesitation he took the hand, as tightly as he could._

_He woke up from that dream, his heart hammering in his chest and his mouth open for a scream that never came. And he was alive, even in his dreams._ /

* * *

Although it was fool's hope the team somehow wished that the nightmare would end to the news that Spencer made it through the surgery. But as they should've expected it was only the first step on a thousand miles long path.

As it turned out Dr. Landon's warning of a upcoming infection had been a valid one. Two days after the surgery Spencer came down with a extremely high fever, and when a nurse examined his stomach area its unnatural red shade screamed what was happening. To her misfortune Penelope had been alone in the room at the time. She'd barely made it to a toilet before breaking into tears, and she didn't dare to come back until half an hour after the last tear dried.

The last thing Spencer needed invading his dreams was her weeping.

Now, six days after the surgery, Spencer still hadn't woken up properly. He'd been semi-conscious twice, for the first time in the recovery room and for the second time the morning after. That time only William had been in the room because Erin Strauss had, with quite colorful wording, ordered the team to come and explain to her what happened with Vincent. William wouldn't tell the rest of them exactly what had happened, but the team learned that Spencer had been in so much agony that Dr. Landon had considered it the safest and most merciful to sedate him. After that Spencer had been kept unconcscious with medication for three days and since then it'd been nerve wracking waiting again. Dr. Landon tried to reassure them, saying that Spencer would wake up once he'd manage to build up the strength for it, but after so many days those words had lost their effect. There was nothing that would calm them down before they'd see Spencer awake again. And the breathing tube they all hated beyond everything was still there like wanting to mock them.

At some point morning had turned into afternoon and a unhealthily perky nurse peered into Spencer's room to announce that evening shift was about to take over, but for Derek time had stopped. He'd given up trying to find something worth watching from the TV almost an hour earlier and started reading a lousy tabloid he'd snatched from the cafeteria instead. He read out loud, fighting to ignore the heartbreaking fact that Spencer wasn't even awake to listen. Eventually becoming sick of gossips and relationship tips that made him grimace he jumped to horoscopes. Perhaps such rubbish would irritate Spencer enough to make the man wake up.

"You're Cancer, right?" he inquired, forcing his tone to remain at least somewhat light. "Listen to this. '_You've been secretly desiring to do something for a while. Today the stars are at your side. It's a good day to make big moves._'"

Doing so before he got the chance to stop himself he glanced towards Spencer and was overran by a sinking feeling when finding the brunet's eyes closed. Desiring something to smash to pieces he decided to direct his anger on the tabloid. One skilled throw sent the item to a trashcan on the opposite side of the room, so hard that the bin became knocked over. A flood of satisfaction crossed him.

Derek opened his mouth although he didn't have the slightest clue what to say, but became cut short when the room's door opened. It was impossible to name what feelings awakened when he saw Jason stood at the doorway.

To someone observing it would've seemed amusing how the two of them remained utterly still, staring at one another like two wild animals trying to determine whether the other was a threat. Eventually Jason took one step closer to him, then another, and cleared his throat.

It was, however, Derek who spoke first. "So you're still in Quantico." Honestly he hadn't meant to sound as frosty as he did, but the resentment sneaked from some pit of him he couldn't control.

For a microsecond hurt and guilt flashed in Jason's eyes before they shifted from him to Spencer. "I… promised myself that I wouldn't run away again, especially now."

Derek grit his teeth and folded his arms. "I hope that promise holds."

This time Jason was able to look at him in the eyes. It was very easy to tell how serious the man was. "I'll never make that mistake again."

Derek was about to respond but suddenly something claimed all his attention.

At first he thought the slight twitch was a trick of his imagination. But then the movements became stronger.

Spencer's fingers… They were moving.

He swallowed thickly, looking at Spencer's face in a frantic search for signs of awareness. "Kid, can you hear me?" He was careful to keep his tone low despite the anxiety spinning inside him. Dr. Landon had warned them that the genius would most likely have a hellish headache upon waking up. Another twitch, no matter how small, coaxed him into carrying on. "That's it, you're doing great. Just open your eyes, okay?"

It seemed to take a tiny eternity, but eventually he saw a thin line of brown before Spencer's eyes opened halfway. Derek held his breath without noticing it when the younger man blinked twice and frowned, obviously not quite understanding the situation at hand. And then things started happening with such speed that it truly startled him.

Spencer winced and squeezed his eyes tightly shut, visibly in so much pain that it hurt Derek as well. The brunet's hands squirmed almost desperately while the beeping of his heart monitor sped up, became furious. And then Spencer felt the breathing tube. Derek had never seen the kind of terror that appeared into the brunet's rapidly widening eyes while the man's other, still weak hand moved to get rid of the foreign object that clearly brought him discomfort.

Derek moved, about to hurry before Spencer would inflict even more damage on himself, but Jason was faster.

Moving quickly Jason grabbed the hand that was attempting to wrap around the breathing tube and squeezed lightly. "Reid, it's alright. You're in a hospital, and the that thing bothering you is just a breathing tube. I know it feels horrible but your doctor will remove it as fast as possible." The man swallowed thickly and blinked rapidly. "You're in pain now, but… You'll be alright. Everything's going to work out."

It took a long moment before Spencer seemed to register who was talking to him. The look that appeared to Spencer's eye when they turned to meet Jason's was such the two men present would never forget.

It seemed Derek and Jason both expected Spencer to signal in one way or another that he wanted Jason gone. But this was Spencer Reid, who – amusingly enough – most often seemed to act against all statistics, rationality and expectations.

Spencer blinked slowly a couple of times, the emotions in his eyes changing about a million times during that time. Then, very slowly, the brunet's long fingers wrapped feebly around Jason's hand. A couple of seconds later Spencer seemed to drift into something a lot like sleep. Or maybe he was unconscious again.

It took almost a minute before either man awake dared to breathe properly, let alone talk. Although a huge part of him screamed against the decision Derek turned slowly away from Spencer and headed towards the room's door. "I'll… go and find Dr. Landon, to let her know Reid woke up", he managed with severe difficulty.

As soon as he made it out of the room Derek leaned heavily against the wall and sunk down to the floor when his knees gave way. Tears shone in his eyes while he brought his hands to his face and broke into a nearly hysterical burst of laughter. A young, quite attractive female nurse passing by gave him a weird look. Usually he would've tried to hit on her but at the moment he didn't even notice her.

The nightmare… It was finally going to be over. It was finally going to be over this time.

Jason, on the other hand, didn't dare to move an inch for almost ten minutes. The entire time his slightly widened eyes were glued on Spencer, as though he'd been afraid the younger man might disappear. During those minutes Jason did something he hadn't done in ages.

He allowed a couple of tears to roll down his cheeks. (1)

* * *

Spencer couldn't quite grasp on to what was happening.

One minute Derek and Jason were there – they were real, weren't they? And then there were strangers around him, tucking and poking and pulling, all talking at once. He tried to move, to tell them that whatever they were doing only made things worse, but he didn't even have the energy to lift up his arm.

The pain surging inside him, everywhere inside him, was so intense that it brought tears to his eyes. Only the cursed tube that'd been stuffed into his throat restrained him from emitting at least a yelp of pain.

What was going on?

And suddenly he realized that someone had taken a hold of the tube. "Spencer, I'm about to take this tube away, alright? I need you to cough."

As it turned out that wasn't a problem. There was a slight tug and the pressure building up in Spencer's throat made him cough thrice. The tube slid away, leaving him gasping for precious air although it made his already sore throat feel like it'd been set on fire.

"That's right, that's good", the same female voice that'd spoken before encouraged him. "Try to take deep, even breaths."

Spencer obeyed the best as he could, closing his eyes while the sensation of suffocating faded away. Eventually there was only intense soreness left in his throat. It required a lot more effort than he'd expected but eventually he managed to crack his eyes halfway open. He found a woman with long, black hair and extremely warm brown eyes looking back at him.

She offered him a slight smile and some water he drank gratefully before talking. "I'm Dr. Samantha Landon. Right now you're in a hospital."

Spencer frowned, furiously attempting to put the few pieces of memory he had together. "Hospital…?" He winced at the weak, raspy sound of his voice.

Dr. Landon nodded, her eyebrows furrowing for a fleeting moment. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Spencer frowned and directed his gaze towards the ceiling, his thoughts spinning around in a mess that made his head hurt. He licked his lips, beginning to tremble although he couldn't understand why. "I… Vincent took me, kept me in that… basement." Blurry flashes whistled through his head like overlighted photographs. What was wrong with his head? "But then I ran, with a bomb. And Vincent… He had a gun, when he came after me." He swallowed and winced against his will, that much talking proving too much for his throat to take. And then ice-cold terror flowed through him. "Vincent… The team… What happened?" The beeping somewhere beside him intensified, and a part of him realized that his blood pressure was rising.

Dr. Landon cut his frantic trail of thought firmly. "The members of your team are alright, Spencer. And so is your father. None of them was hurt." She hesitated for the longest moment before carrying on. "Spencer… Vincent is dead."

Those words hit Spencer a lot harder than he would've ever known to expect. For a second, perhaps two, he couldn't breathe. In the end he managed to emit what was nothing more than a whisper. "Dead…?" The nightmare was finally over. The monster he'd always feared, his own brother, was gone. And he had no idea what to think and feel.

Dr. Landon nodded, then typed something to her portable laptop. Once she was done she offered him a one more small, sympathetic smile. "I'm sure your entire team is in the waiting room, and I have a feeling that they're eager to get some news. They've been driving the hospital staff crazy, so I'd better go before they'll get kicked out." She went on after a second. "But now… You've been through a rough time. I'll talk to you again once you've had some rest, alright?"

Spencer nodded, still trying to understand everything. He followed the doctor with his eyes before the room's door closed between them, then buried his face into his hands.

It was overwhelming, to feel free for the first time in his life.

* * *

As it turned out Dr. Landon had been right. The whole team, along with William Reid, was in the waiting room when she got there. As soon as they spotted her they got up, their eyes filled with anticipation. "Well?" Aaron was the first one to speak out.

She couldn't hold back a smile. In her job it wasn't every day she got to share good news like this. "Spencer is awake, and although it looks like there are some lapses in his memory he's coherent." She took a breath, growing slightly more solemn. "He asked about you, and Vincent. I had to tell him that Vincent is dead although I'm not sure if he was ready to hear that yet. But he doesn't know about his own injuries. I'll talk to him later, when he's digested what he's heard by now."

The dark-skinned member of the team, Derek, frowned and folded his arms. "Can we see him?"

Dr. Landon hated herself for having to disappoint the team, but she knew it was necessary for her patient. "I'm afraid that right now Spencer needs a lot of rest. But you're welcome to come and see him tomorrow. He should be a little bit more aware then."

The team obviously didn't like those words at all but they weren't foolish enough to go against reason. Slowly yet surely the waiting room emptied.

But one person didn't leave.

Penelope stared at the retreating backs for a moment, using a moment or two fighting with herself. And then she moved.

She was almost glad that Spencer's room was slightly darker than she'd expected, because that way she didn't have to worry about which expression finally settled to her face. She took three steps further until her courage failed her and she stopped abruptly.

And suddenly the bedsheets sighed as Spencer moved, clearly with a lot of effort. "Garcia…?" That was all it took. Because hearing his familiar voice shattered all barriers.

Moving so fast that it surprised her she made her way to him and wrapped her arms around him, tightening her hold until Spencer gave a slight sound of discomfort. In Penelope's chaotic thoughts that sound mixed with the expression she'd seen on Spencer's face the last time they talked, when she… She swallowed thickly, her fingers twitching nervously. "I… I'm sorry." Her voice was so quiet that she wondered if he could even hear her. "I'm so sorry." (2)

A second passed by, then another. And suddenly she felt one of Spencer's hands behind her back, rubbing small reassuring circles.

That single act of forgiveness was all it took. Penelope cried harder than ever in her life although she couldn't really understand why.

* * *

When Spencer woke up again the pain was still there, but this time he was prepared for it and managed to keep himself together even under the heaviest blow. He frowned and brought one of his hands absent-mindedly to his face, trying to massage some of the throbbing away. He wished he would've been able to make out what exactly was happening, but his mind was jammed.

"Hey." It took a moment before he recognized the voice as Aaron's. The man sounded tense and tired. "Don't move your hand too much, alright? You've almost pulled out your IV."

Spencer obeyed although he still couldn't understand what was going on and moved his hand to his stomach. He couldn't restrain a wince when the contact sent a violent jolt of pain through him.

Aaron's chair screeched slightly, which did nothing to ease Spencer's persistent headache. "Reid? Are you alright?"

Spencer nodded, hoping from the bottom of his heart that he managed to appear at least remotely convincing. It took most of the little energy he had but in the end he managed to crack his eyes halfway open. His eyebrows knitted together when he noticed the slight burn marks on the unit chief's utterly exhausted face. He licked his lips, determined to speak out. "What's…. going on?" His voice was pathetically weak but at least recognizable.

Aaron took a deep breath. "Dr. Landon will talk to you about everything soon. Right now you need to take it easy." The man's usually stoic eyes now had a storm in them that probably revealed a lot more than the unit chief had meant to share.

Feeling that he needed to do something to show that he was alright Spencer attempted to sit up but failed painfully. His whole body shivered with pain while he was forced to admit defeat and he could only pray the other man didn't notice. As soon as he felt that at least some of the agony had disappeared from his eyes Spencer looked up towards the older man and cleared his throat. A new weight had sat to his chest all of a sudden. "I… I'm sorry", he managed, noticing far too easily how his voice shook and almost broke. He looked down towards his hands that were squirming restlessly on the bedsheets. "I… You weren't supposed to get there, none of you. I tried… to keep Vincent away from you. I'm sorry."

Aaron was quiet for a long moment before speaking out. "It wasn't your fault, Reid. And we all know you did everything you could to keep us safe. In the end you succeeded – we're all just fine." There was another pause. "But I wish you'd told us about Vincent, and Madison. We would've understood. We could've helped you."

Spencer grit his teeth, wondering how he could explain himself. "I… didn't know how to." He shook his head, all thoughts blurring together. "The team… You guys already protect me, all the time. I couldn't…" He trailed off, keeping his eyes on the sheets. A cold wave washed through him and he swallowed. "I… understand, if I won't be considered fit to my job anymore."

"You won't lose your job, Reid. Strauss… knows as much as we thought she should." It was easy to read between the lines. "You can come back after recovering and passing a psychological evaluation. But before that I need you to understand something." The tone forced Spencer to meet his superior's gaze. It wasn't as hard as he'd expected. "You don't have to try and survive everything on your own, Reid. You need to learn to trust that we're strong enough to carry some of that weight load with you." There was a soft sidetone in Aaron's voice he'd never heard before. "There's… a long road ahead of you. I'm sure you know that. Do you think you can let us take it with you?"

Spencer nodded somewhat feebly, hating the moisture that pain, exhaustion and something else he couldn't name brought to his eyes.

He could promise that he'd _try_.

Aaron nodded back, appearing pleased with his answer. "Good." The man then got up, moving slightly more stiffly than usual. Spencer wondered just how long the unit chief had spent on the visibly uncomfortable chair beside his bed. "The others are waiting right outside. Are you up to seeing them?"

"Yeah." Spencer hoped that it didn't show how he braced himself. In all honesty he didn't feel strong enough to even stay awake, but he had to see the team to make sure they were alright.

Aaron walked to the room's door and gestured the people waiting outside to enter.

Derek was the first one to enter. The man's eyes revealed just how much there was spinning inside his head. "You sure know how to create drama, kid."

Spencer attempted to smile, wishing he would've managed to utter something that would've erased some of the worry in Derek's eyes.

Surprisingly Emily hesitated for a moment before actually entering the room. When she all but stared at him it looked like she'd been seeing a ghost. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks. She swallowed before speaking in a voice that didn't sound like hers. "Are you… okay?"

Spencer nodded. "Looks like… I'm doing better than you are", he managed.

She rolled her eyes and gave his shoulder a slight, extremely careful punch that felt much closer to a caress.

He looked away from her when hearing David's voice. "So you're seriously planning on killing us all with a heart attack?" He could tell how hard the man tried to sound annoyed but the tone failed to hide heavy brushes of emotion.

Spencer grinned sheepishly, trying to shift to a better position without wincing of pain. It didn't turn out too well. "'Sorry."

Derek made a unidentifiable sound. "You _will _be sorry when we get you microchipped."

Emily appeared all to eager to Spencer's liking when she nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

Spencer opened his mouth to protest until movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned his gaze and felt something move uncomfotably in his stomach when finding Jason stood by the room's doorway. There was a look of uncharacteristic uncertainty on Jason's face while the man's eyes shifted from him to the rest of the team. The entire room filled with electricity.

Spencer came to a uncomfortable realization that he'd have to be the one to resolve the situation at hand because it looked like everyone was waiting for his reaction. He licked his lips while his hands twitched restlessly, unsure what to feel. "Hey." It sounded pathetic even to his own ears, but maybe it was enough.

It might've been, because a hint of the tension disappeared and the touch of a somewhat unsure smile on Jason's face seemed genuine. After another moment of hesitation the man entered, although still stayed a slight distance away. "So you're finally awake, huh?" Then, as an afterthought, the man added. "And in case you're wondering… Garcia's in the hospital's giftshop."

Derek grinned. "She was pretty determined to empty the place. Soon you'll have enough teddy bears for the rest of your life, kid."

Spencer grinned back because he had a feeling his ribs wouldn't be able to take laughing just yet.

Slowly yet surely normalcy seemed to reach the room, at least as far as it was possible. After some awkward moments followed hints of teasing. The last bits of tension faded away when Penelope appeared with a enormous pile of gifts. The first brief bursts of laughter erupted, filling the small room. Spencer welcomed those sounds gladly. After the nightmare that'd felt endless they were a welcomed beacon of light.

They gave him hope that the nightmare was really over this time.

Although it was almost a whisper Jason's voice startled him. "You don't need eidetic memory to imprint this, do you?"

Spencer realized that this time the trace of a smile on his face wasn't forced. And it felt damn good. "No, I don't."

* * *

It was the following afternoon when William finally managed to gather himself enough to enter Spencer's hospital room for the first time since seeing his son in agony. He was surprised to discover that he was the only visitor. "Where's the team?" he inquired, trying to keep his voice from revealing that he was quite pleased over the matter. In all honesty he'd wanted a moment alone with his son.

Spencer, who'd most likely been drifting somewhere between falling asleep and staying awake, blinked slowly, fighting to wake himself up. William took it as a positive sign that although his son was still all too pale the color of his face wasn't as sickly anymore. And the damn breathing tube was finally gone. Spencer glanced towards William's still injured ankle and frowned but didn't say anything. "I… feigned sleep for a while, until a nurse came to throw them out." He wasn't sure but it looked like Spencer tried to smile a little. "They can't just sit around here all the time."

William tried to smile and hoped it came out right. "I can understand that. They have a lot of work to do."

Spencer emitted a sound he couldn't decipher, blinking sluggishly.

William swallowed against the scratchiness in his throat, shifting when his seat began to feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. "I… can leave, if you're tired." He could imagine that Spencer didn't want him around, and wanted to have the decency of saving his son from the effort of throwing him out.

To both their stun, however, Spencer shook his head lightly. The man's lips opened but in the end nothing came out. Surprisingly the silence that followed wasn't a heavy and unpleasant one.

It was quiet for such a long time that Spencer's voice startled him although it was still weak and raspy. "Do you know why I really wanted them to leave?" Before he got the chance to ask his son outstretched one hand on the bedsheet. It was shaking so badly that William felt a almost unbearable, most deffinitely parental need to hold it. Spencer looked away firmly and licked his lips, appearing ashamed of himself. "I… I don't want them to see this – they don't have to see this, too."

William swallowed laboriously, unable to tear his eyes away from the limb. Tears burned behind his eyes. "Is that a part of the withdrawal symptoms?" He was stunned that he managed to say that without choking on his own words.

Spencer nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes. The young brunet hid the hand like it'd been the most repulsive thing he'd ever seen. The silence that followed stretched. "I've… been vomiting almost since I woke up." It was all too easy to tell how hard it was for Spencer to say those words. The younger man blinked furiously, squirming a little as though looking for a more comfortable position and wincing. "And these muscle cramps and cold sweats… They won't go away."

William nodded, fighting furiously to keep himself from cracking right there and then. "Why don't you tell Dr. Landon? I'm sure there'd be something…"

Spencer interrupted him with a firm, almost terrified shake of head. Finally their eyes met, although the look in Spencer's broke his heart. "I don't want to take any more medication."

William nodded. He didn't like those words at all but he could understand. There was bitter irony in the fact that for the about first time he was able to understand his eccentric son. He'd been through a similar battle, once upon a time.

It was a unexpected fight for William to muster the courage to speak out. "I know that we still have a lot of… unresolved issues. But… I want to help you, if you just tell me how to."

As it turned out Spencer didn't have enough energy to produce words. His eyes moved almost longingly towards the book that'd been left to his nightstand, most likely by one of his team mates.

'_The Elegance of the Hedgehog_'.

William found something warm spread all the way through him. It was the first time ever Spencer asked him to read instead of Diana. "I see." He grabbed to book and flipped through the pages for a moment, finally finding a folded page. He cleared his throat and began to read, noticing from the corner of his eye how Spencer's formerly trembling body relaxed.

He'd read about ten pages before Spencer was asleep. One corner of his lips twitched while he put away the book, fighting the urge to wrap Spencer's blanket more tightly around him.

Spencer always felt cold when he was a child.

A second or two later the room's door opened. Dr. Landon entered and smiled a bit upon seeing him. "So he hasn't chased you away yet?"

He felt his eyes and expression soften. "Not yet, at least." He then became slightly more solemn while watching the doctor work around Spencer, carefully and quietly enough to avoid waking up her patient. "How… is he doing?"

Dr. Landon seemed to inhale a sigh. "He's… taking one day and step at a time. But he's getting there." She typed something to her portable laptop before focusing on him again. "Do me and the nurses a favor and make sure he sleeps, will you? And make him eat properly. Heaven knows he's too thin as it is."

William nodded, fighting against the urge to smile. "I will."

Just before she walked out the door Dr. Landon stopped and looked over her shoulder, giving him a slight smile. "You should know… This is the first time since he woke up he's sleeping like this. It does him good to have you here." With that she left.

For a couple of moments William stared at the closed door, then turned his gaze to his sleeping son. And he found himself smiling, faintly but still.

* * *

Spencer didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but when his eyes flew open all of a sudden the room was completely dark. His shallow, rapid breathing made his chest hurt but he barely even noticed the discomfort.

Because at that very moment he realized that he wasn't alone. And he recognized the other person's presence all too easily.

His eyes moved to side, searching for the button with which he could've alarmed a nurse, but it'd been moved out of his reach.

"I didn't want anyone to interfere. This is our own special time, midget." His eyes getting used to the lack of light Spencer saw Vincent as the man walked towards him. There was a look that made him feel cold all over on the man's face, of which one half had been burned. Vincent gave him a sinister grin although it must've hurt hellishly. All emotion disappeared from the man's eyes, making them even darker than the night around them. "I almost died because of you and that team of yours. This time you're going to pay – you're all going to. And I'm starting with you."

All Spencer could do was watch as Vincent pulled out a long, extremely sharp knife that shone chillingly in the room's little light.

Spencer opened his mouth but before he could emit a sound Vincent had placed one stone hard hand to his mouth. He screamed against his brother's hand while the knife became placed to his throat and the steel cut in easily, hungrily. A couple of tears rolled down his cheeks while the pain first intensified to a extend he couldn't stand, then dulled and faded away. Everything began to fade away.

The last thing he saw were Vincent's eyes. He could've sworn that there was a touch of red in their depths.

And then Spencer's eyes flew open once more. He was in his hospital room and it was night, ages after the visiting hours. But this time there was no Vincent. For a while the beeping of his heart monitor was fast, almost frantic, before calming down. Spencer pulled in wheezing, eager pants of air that made him feel dizzy and buried his face into his hands.

He knew, with all too much certainty, that what he'd just seen was the first of a million nightmares. This part of the journey had only just began.

Slowly moving his hands away and opening his eyes once more he glanced towards where Penelope and the others had left what looked like a mountain of little gifts from flowers to stuffed animals. Suprisingly the frailest beginning of a smile touched the corners of his lips.

This time, the difference was that he wouldn't have to walk through the fire alone.

* * *

TBC, for an epilogue that is

* * *

1) Those who have read 'The Longest Night' may understand why I grinned a bit when writing this bit...

2) In case you don't remember, because it was mentioned ages ago... The last time Garcia saw Reid before he was taken she snapped at him. Understandably she's been harboring quite a bit of guilt...

* * *

A/N: What, you really thought the dream was reality, that I'd do that to you? (blinks) No, wait, you had a very good reason to think so…

BUT… Was the chapter any good, at all? Or should it be demolished before it causes any further harm? **PLEASE**, let me know! Hearing from you guys would really give me spark to wrap this story up, ya know…? (Oh I'm so not blackmailing!)

IN THE NEXT (and LAST, can you believe it?) ONE: Eighteen months have passed, and while things have moved on there are still some matters left unresolved… The story becomes wrapped together in the epilogue.

Until next time, folks – I REALLY hope ya'll all join in for the last bit!

Be good!

* * *

**vetgirl1231**: (grins from ear to ear) Such kind words really make my day, ya know?

(chuckles) You should be very, very careful with what you say about cliffies to me… (smirks evilly)

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


	12. Epilogue

A/N: And here comes the last one. (blinks rapidly and wipes tears) Oh man, I'm gonna miss writing this!

BUT, first… Thank you so much for those fantastic reviews! (GLOMPS) The best way to make a story grow is to make it feel loved, ya know? (grins) So thank you!

Awkay, because I'm always insecure when it comes to last chapters… (rolls eyes at oneself, then takes a deep breath) Let's go! I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride.

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CHAPTER 12 – Epilogue

* * *

_Six Months Later_

_

* * *

_

The report psychiatrist René Dwellon – a forty years old woman with chestnut-colored hair and bluish green eyes – received before her first session with Dr. Spencer Reid made her emit a loud groan.

Partial loss of mobility of one leg, loss of one kidney, heart murmur that'd been caused by a combination of several factors, numerous injuries from brutal abuse, severe withdrawal symptoms from being drugged… Based on the files it was a small miracle that the man was still alive. And it wasn't just the physical side. Apparently Spencer had been suffering from nightmares and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder since waking up. Years of abuse – with the culprit being his own brother, no less – had left deep scars on Spencer, and having been kidnapped and tortured by the moster had only made them worse. Dr. Dwellon knew that she'd have a lot of work to do with this young man, and in the back of her mind she wondered if he'd ever recover enough to be a federal agent again. But nonetheless the words Dr. Landon had written to the end of her report made her smile faintly.

'_And off the record… Don't let his appearance fool you. Spencer Reid is one of the toughest patients I've ever met. He just needs a lot of help right now. So take good care of him._'

Dr. Dwellon attempted to do just that, despite the fact that Spencer turned out to be quite a challenge.

She'd been a psychiatrist long enough to have the confidence to call their first few sessions disastrous. Spencer was highly intelligent, and whenever her attention slipped even the slightest bit he shifted their conversation towards harmless topics. Quite early on she discovered that his trust was very, very hard to gain. It was like playing cat and mouse, and she feared the young man was able to see her frustration.

But she was too stubborn to give up, and eventually they reached a breakthrough.

Their eighth session had progressed halfway when lights went out all of a sudden. It was winter and a quite early morning, which meant that darkness consumed the room completely. The blackout lasted less than five minutes, but the effects were dramatic. She'd never seen anyone as terrified as Spencer was when the lights were on again. Working instinctively she placed a hand to his shoulder, whispering that it was alright, that there was nothing to be afraid of.

And there, right before her eyes, Spencer broke down completely. During that session he cried for the very first time since the entire nightmare in Vincent's hands ended. And finally some of the emotional load hiding in his eyes disappeared.

Since then things changed. They still had their ups and downs – there were times when Spencer was tired of everything, too closed up and in pain to share anything. But finally they were marching forward together.

Spencer was moving _forward_.

This morning Dr. Dwellon's office bathed in sunlight while the two of them sat there. She gave her patient a small smile. "I noticed you walked a lot better today", she commented. "I assume the physical therapy is working miracles." Spencer still had to use a cane but at least the steps didn't appear as weak and painful anymore. That was a massive step forth.

Spencer nodded, casting a very displeased look towards the cane. "I can't wait to get rid of that one." Neither of them felt like mentioning that there was a great chance he'd need the support for the rest of his life.

Dr. Dwellon nodded back, deciding to jump to other matters. "You went back to work two weeks ago. How's that been?"

Spencer frowned and mused for a while before answering. "It's good to be back – I've been away for too long. It's… nice, to have something normal in my life. But it's taken a lot of adjusting, from all of us." It was impossible to tell if the flash on the man's face was a grin or a grimace. "I know they're only worried, but it feels unnerving to have them monitoring my every move. It's like they're afraid I'll disappear the second they let me out of their sight."

Dr. Dwellon smiled. "They came close to losing you. It's only understandable."

Spencer nodded, looking out the room's window. "I know." There was a moment's pause. "I just… I wish they'd stop worrying all the time. Morgan and Prentiss stiffen every time a stranger approaches me, Rossi keeps staring at my leg and Garcia's fussing around me all the time. I think she's fed me my weight's worth of cookies. And last week I was ten minutes late from work because of physical therapy. They were all staring at me like I'd been a dead man walking when I made it there, and Hotch just about exploded at me." He sighed, rubbing his face with one hand. "It's nice, that they care so much. But… I don't want them to be scared and worried because of me."

She gave him a look of sympathy. "If it gives you any consolation it should get easier over time." She tilted her head. "What about your father, and Gideon? How are things going with them?" She knew that during the past six months Spencer had been doing a lot of talking with both of them. The process hadn't been easy, but slowly things were mending between him and both of the men who'd walked out of his life once.

The slight smile on Spencer's face was most deffinitely a genuine one. "Gideon and I write to each other every week. And my father is still in Quantico – he's almost as bad as the team when it comes to worrying."

Dr. Dwellon nodded. "Do you still fear he may leave?"

Spencer frowned and remained silent for a long time. "I'm just… taking one step a time with him." Then a sudden thought seemed to pop into the young man's head. A clear hint of sadness could be seen in the brunet's eyes. "I'm… not sure how important this is, but… Last night I had a dream of Madison. This time it wasn't a nightmare. We were playing by a river as kids, and she was smiling. She… seemed happy." Finally Spencer looked at her. "What do you think it means?"

Dr. Dwellon couldn't hold back a smile. "You know… I think it means that you're finally ready to move that photograph from your pocket to accompany other mementos."

Spencer blinked twice, surprise clearly evident in his eyes. And then the man smiled.

* * *

When Spencer emerged from the office almost twenty minutes later his steps felt slightly lighter than before. It felt easy to breathe although there was a hurricane of thoughts in his head and his eyes stung.

He was so deep in thought that he shuddered with startle when his cell phone came to life. His eyes softened slightly when he took a look at the caller ID.

For the past two months it'd said 'dad' instead of 'William'.

Shaking his head to clear it he picked up. "Hi dad."

"_Hey._" William cleared his throat, still – after six months – unsure when it came to approaching him. "_Listen… I understood you have a day off today. __What do you say if we'd go and get some coffee?_"

He nodded although he knew very well the man couldn't see it. "Yeah." It came out without hesitation. "Coffee sounds good."

* * *

As soon as he went to work the following day Spencer opened one of the drawers of his own desk, revealing its content.

There were three photographs – the ones he valued the most. One of them was of the team from the days when Jason and Elle Greenaway had still been a part of it. In the picture they were all gathered together like in some kind of a yearbook-picture. He'd taken the picture almost a year and a half after joining BAU. When they'd asked why he came up with some lame explanation, but the real reason was that it was then the team started to feel like a family to him. A waitress of a Chinese restaurant had taken the second picture, which was of the team's current version, when they'd gathered together for Derek's birthday. The birthday-boy seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting and Spencer remembered that they'd all been in a good mood. It was on that day he'd been able to feel that perhaps they could be a family again, despite the losses they suffered. The third snapshot was of him in his mother's arms when he was four. That picture had been taken by William, and both he and his mother had bright smiles on their faces. It was the pretty much only happy picture of them he had.

Spencer took a deep breath, then put a hand to the hidden pocket of his omnipresent bag and pulled out another photograph. It took all his self-control and a lot of blinking to keep himself together as he looked at it.

In the picture he was sitting right beside Madison on the biggest branch of their very own tree, one of his arms wrapped around her. Her mother had taken the snapshot one hot summer day when they were eight. They were both smiling like a couple of idiots, blissfully unaware of what was lingering in the future.

It was the only picture of them together Spencer had, which made it his greatest treasure. But now… Now it was time to stop carrying the memory's weight with him all the time.

He felt a small twinge of ache in his chest when putting the picture away and closing the drawer. And then he was able to smile again.

The rest of the team couldn't possibly know exactly what he did, but he could tell they sensed that something remarkable had happened as they appeared one by one. And then they sunk back to their daily routine when Aaron announced that they had another case.

From thereon things were a little bit closer to normal.

* * *

_One Year Later_

_

* * *

_

A yet another case took the team only one hour's drive away from Las Vegas. That was when Spencer realized that there was something he needed to do. And to even his own surprise he didn't want to do it alone.

"Hey Emily", he greeted when she responded to his uncertain knock on her hotel room's door. He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair, feeling ridiculous all of a sudden. "I… was just wondering, if you could give me a ride to this place." Seeing the look on her face he hurried to add a weak excuse. "My leg's giving me a hard time." It was only partially true, and he had a nasty feeling she knew it.

Emily appeared confused for a moment but in the end nodded. "Sure."

Apart from the instructions Spencer gave from time to time their drive to his planned destination was a quiet one. He was far too worked up and deep in thought to really notice the occasional beginnings of a conversation Emily offered, and eventually she stopped trying. And then he told her to park. Emily appeared surprised when discovering that they'd come to a cemetery but didn't say anything.

It'd been years – almost two decades – from the last time Spencer visited the cemetery and moving was still awkward with his leg. But eventually they found the correct spot.

Emily emitted a sound he couldn't identify when noticing the name on the stone. "Reid…"

'_Madison Rogers_

_A beloved daughter and friend_

_May God look after his little angel_'

Spencer swallowed thickly, fighting furiously against the lump in his throat. "Today… Today would've been her birthday, and I just… I wanted to come and say 'hi'."

Emily nodded. "I understand."

They were silent for the longest time until Spencer almost whispered all of a sudden. He was surprised by how hard it was to find his voice. "Maddy… If she'd grown up, she would've been just like you." He focused on the stone to avoid meeting Emily's eyes although he couldn't be sure which one would've hurt more. He swallowed thickly and blinked furiously. "Sometimes when I look at you I… I could swear I see her instead. You both have the same fire in your eyes. And when you smile… You have the same smile." A single stubborn tear made its way to his cheek and he wiped it away rapidly with a trembling hand. "She would've been just like you."

Emily was quiet for almost a full minute before she placed a hand to his shoulder and gave a small squeeze. "Thank you, for bringing me here today."

Spencer nodded, unable to form another word.

He couldn't be sure if they stood there for five minutes or five hours before he finally came to a conclusion that it was time to go. It was time to say goodbye and leave the ghosts of past to rest.

Blinking away the moisture in his eyes Spencer outstretched a hand and brushed the name engraved to the stone with gentle fingertips. He closed his eyes, and for a brief moment she could see her face. "See you later, Maddy", he whispered so quietly that even Emily couldn't hear.

Out of nowhere a warm breeze of wind appeared, brushing his cheek.

"Are you ready to go?" Emily asked in a atypically gentle tone.

Spencer nodded. There was no hesitation or regrets inside him anymore.

There was still a long road ahead of him before the nagging fear and nightmares would be behind him. But it felt much better to continue that journey when he knew that he had a guardian angel watching over him along with his earthly family.

As Spencer walked away right beside Emily he felt someone watching him. He didn't have to look over his shoulder to know who it was.

* * *

'_Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go._'

(Len Santos)

* * *

**_End._**

**_

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_**

A/N: And so it comes to a close. (sighs and wipes eyes)

Sooo… Was the finishing bit any good, at all? Or should I go back to the drawing board? **PLEASE**, let me know your thoughts – it'd mean A LOT, even though the story is over!

You guys… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking around this story this far – for reading, listing and especially reviewing! You can't even imagine how good it feels that this story made so many friends during its course. So thank you! (hugs every single one of you) You guys are amazing!

Who knows, maybe we'll meet again with some other story. (glances hopefully)

All the very best!

And, of course…

**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU ALL!** (Consider this as my gift to you.) (grins)

* * *

**cmsp**: No problem, sweetie. After all you DID review, even with all the trouble!

I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you enjoyed all those little bits! (beams)

Ah, as for the time skip… We'll see exactly what's going on, and if something's described earlier than eighteen months later. It remains to be seen how Reid's long road to recovery has progressed… (grins mysteriously)

HUGE thank yous for the review!  
-

**vetgirl1231**: As always, it means A LOT to hear that you enjoyed the chapter so! (beams)

Ah, we'll see what's cooked up in my head for the epilogue. (grins mysteriously) I really hope it meets your expectations, anyway. (glances hopefully)

Massive thank yous for the review!


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